Religious people out there, can you please help me with this problem?

[Anonymous]

I started hanging out with this religious 91 year old lady. I have fun with her. She lives with her family. I come over her house once a week and talk about God with her and her many life stories/hardships. Her family is very nice and good people.

The problem is my dad is extremely protective and paranoid. Maybe you might consider his actions strange and controlling. I live with my parents (I don't leave until I get married, we are old school).

The old lady I hangout with is black and my dad is extremely extremely racist. Obviously you know... It's a sin to be racist. My dad doesn't care.

So when my dad heard I started hanging out with this lady, he interrogated me needing to know everything about it. He also doesn't want people setting me up with their grandsons... Even though its like almost 30 and I've only had one boyfriend... Eventually I should date again and get married... He says he wants me to get married but I don't know where he expects me to find a boyfriend if I dont make friends with people and be a normal human.

Anyway I lied about her race to my dad. Told him she's white but everything else about her I didn't lie about. I'm not looking to date her family, I just like her and she's nice to hangout with.

Should I come clean? It's the right thing to do. But if I do that he'll fight with me often about beating friends with a black person. He'll say derogatory things to me (call me a n***** lover). He'll think I'm trying to ruin their reputation/ make the family look bad at the church even though he doesn't even go to church. Then he won't trust me for lying to him and he'll hate me for that too.

What should I do? When I lied it was to save my sanity. But lying is a sin and like that commandment says "Honor thy mother and father." I'm breaking that commandment by lying to him, aren't I?

[dreamstar72]

Almost 30 and you still let your father control you completely. Why can’t you just move out, this is 2023 not the 1500’s. Do you really think if the Bible or other holy books were written today they would written the same? No they would be written to this life style. So continue to talk about the Bible with the 91 year lady. Her color is irrelevant because who cares she a human being not a label. If your father or other can’t see and understand that, than you are better off without them.

[Asker]

I can't support myself, the cost of living is too high here. Also I'm too afraid to live with roommates, my dad told me horror stories.

[dreamstar72]

He tells you that to keep you under HIS control. Let me ask you a question about race, do think God care about what color you are? God is going to judge your dad harshly for his hate toward other people. You most likely work and most likely you money goes into your dad pocket, this is another reason her wants you under his control. Surely you can find a nice roommate among your friends or your friends might know someone nice for you. Trust me you need to ride yourself from your father if you ever want a happy life. Your are not property to be sold to the highest bidder and that is what your dad is doing. Happiness, friends, true love, hope freedom these things are MORE important and NEEDED MORE than anything family.

[Asker]

When you say it like that... I see your point. But he isn't that bad. Definitely though when I marry my future husband one day and he's like "I want to leave the state." I'll be like heck yeah man let's do it lol. Which people always assume the daughter wants to stay close to her family. Nope I'm down to leave and rarely come back.

[dynamicyandere]

You can lie if it’s truly to protect people. Like people hiding Jews during the holocaust. When interrogated, they didn’t tell the Nazis that there were fugitives hiding in their home.

[dynamicyandere]

Honoring your parents as in respecting their authority. Do you feel like you’d be disrespecting their authority them by protecting the anonymity of the old lady?

[LiamJHayden]

Or like Rahab in Jericho.

[dynamicyandere]

LiamJHayden just shared some excellent biblical examples.

[Agape93]

Sure you're lying, but two things. One, parents don't get honor by virtue of having a kid. They earn it. If your dad raped you and your mom watched, would god fault you for not honoring them? Of course not, as they have not earned it. Secondly, sin doesn't exist, so don't fret over it

[imawfulatusernames]

Assuming you’re a form of christianity it literally isn’t a sin to be racist your text premotes it. But yknow on a human level you should have disowned your dad already babes

[Asker]

Did you forget Matthew 22 39 you shall love your neighbor as yourself?

[Asker]

"If you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers” (James 2:9).

[Asker]

About the age to come, we see a heavenly picture: “a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb” (Revelation 7:9-10).

[imawfulatusernames]

Are you forgetting that your bible is okay with slavery?

[Asker]

True yeah. I don't know back then it seemed almost like that was the norm. Now that we've improved, we learned it's not good to be that way. However that isn't God's fault. It's humans fault. I don't remember God saying there must be slaves. That seems more like humans just being shitty as usual. So I'm assuming you aren't religious/ religion doesn't matter to you since you are saying this.

[imawfulatusernames]

So you’re disavowing everything from the bible that could be seen as a cultural norm? I’m assuming this means you’re against basically all it’s moral teachings?

[Asker]

Putting words in my mouth. How did we go from me saying yes there was slavery in the Bible however that's not God's fault it's humans fault and that in turn means I am against all moral teachings? That's jumping the gun. I'm just saying slavery is wrong but I'm not blaming God for it. Can't I acknowledge that slavery is wrong? I can tell you have very little knowledge about the bible and you should pick up the book first and learn some things. The bible teaches you to be a good person. The tenth commandments are one of the moral codes to rely on. I can tell the devil is controlling you by making you hate God/Christianity for literally no reason. What did God do to you? I'll tell you right now, nothing. You are just one of those easy targets the devil feeds on makes you angry at everything. Girlfriend, if you prayed... You would see how amazing our savior is. Do not reject him. I'm done replying to you though. I don't want to humor the devil inside you anymore.

[Asker]

I feel bad for what I said to you. God has a plan for all of us you know. I want to offer that I'll pray for you but you'll probably see that as me putting you down or something or you'll say don't pray for you. But I'm sorry if I hurt you. I wasn't trying to. I don't know why we got into this argument? Or was it a debate. I'm too religious for you to try to get me to become an atheist and I'm assuming you are too nonreligious to become religious. Not sure if you are an atheist so I don't want to assume. I want to leave this conversation where you feel ok. I want you to know that I wasn't trying to insult you. As a religious person you can just see the devil consuming a lot of people. But the devil attacks religious people more than non believers as well. We are all not perfect. We are all just trying to be good people. I'm sorry for hurting you. You can reply if you'd like to but keep in mind I'm disavowing this question and I won't be reading it. I wish you happiness and the best!

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Come clean.

Eventually, your dad will find out the truth.

Worse, he'll come to realize you've been lying to him.

[LiamJHayden]

My parents despised racism so it is hard for me to relate. What I do know is that part of walking in faith is getting resistance, even from family at times.

[Iron_Man]

You’re there for the lady not for the grandson it’s religious. Everything is good. You can talk to that whole family about religion its fine.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Ask God for forgiveness for lying and just don't tell your father anything anymore.