Search Results: end to a first date

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found

I met Brad in Nov 2023 through a dating app & we were long-distance until I moved closer to his city in March-June. We were living together & things were going alright. Whenever we had issues, they tended to get resolved relatively quickly. A few people were worried that he was controlling since all his exes said he was manipulative, etc. He proposed to me in May.

My sister came in June to move me back home unexpectedly since I was done with school & I didn't tell my family about him beforehand, so that was the first time they had met. She didn't like him for various reasons. We left so he could meet the rest of my family & they didn't like him either for multiple reasons. Brad was expecting me to leave with him that day since we agreed/made a plan. I chose to stay with my family because my mom said she needed me due to a heart issue & they wanted to do a party that honored them in the community. Brad felt betrayed & still is holding onto it to this day.

This whole time, it's been a rollercoaster between Brad & me since he feels like what I'm doing is wrong, there's no reason for us not to see each other physically until the party, & my family is using the party in Sept as an excuse to end/separate us. I spoke with my mom recently & she agreed it was an excuse for the last couple of months since she hoped we would end by now. Since we're still together, she is now working on it, but I feel betrayed, don't want to do it anymore, & want to leave to be with Brad, even though that would put me in a tough position if we were to divorce since my family would disown me.

Brad has also tried to leave the relationship a few times & followed other girls on social media since he was upset about all this. He said that the party needed to happen this month, as my mom promised, or else he'd end the relationship seriously unless I left to be with him. My mom went to the venue, and their available date is Dec. I don't know what to do; please help, i miss him :(