Caught at a crossroads, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I met Brad in Nov 2023 through a dating app & we were long-distance until I moved closer to his city in March-June. We were living together & things were going alright. Whenever we had issues, they tended to get resolved relatively quickly. A few people were worried that he was controlling since all his exes said he was manipulative, etc. He proposed to me in May.

My sister came in June to move me back home unexpectedly since I was done with school & I didn't tell my family about him beforehand, so that was the first time they had met. She didn't like him for various reasons. We left so he could meet the rest of my family & they didn't like him either for multiple reasons. Brad was expecting me to leave with him that day since we agreed/made a plan. I chose to stay with my family because my mom said she needed me due to a heart issue & they wanted to do a party that honored them in the community. Brad felt betrayed & still is holding onto it to this day.

This whole time, it's been a rollercoaster between Brad & me since he feels like what I'm doing is wrong, there's no reason for us not to see each other physically until the party, & my family is using the party in Sept as an excuse to end/separate us. I spoke with my mom recently & she agreed it was an excuse for the last couple of months since she hoped we would end by now. Since we're still together, she is now working on it, but I feel betrayed, don't want to do it anymore, & want to leave to be with Brad, even though that would put me in a tough position if we were to divorce since my family would disown me.

Brad has also tried to leave the relationship a few times & followed other girls on social media since he was upset about all this. He said that the party needed to happen this month, as my mom promised, or else he'd end the relationship seriously unless I left to be with him. My mom went to the venue, and their available date is Dec. I don't know what to do; please help, i miss him :(

Leave and be with him by the end of this month

Try to convince him to wait on the party, figure out how to make it happen sooner

Stay with family, and leave him

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, this is a really tough situation. I can understand why you're feeling torn and confused right now. A few things stand out to me:

- Your family not approving of Brad and seemingly manipulating you with empty promises is not okay. However, their concerns about his controlling behavior in past relationships would give me pause too.

- Brad following other girls and threatening to end things unless you leave your family is also manipulative and not a healthy way to handle conflict. Ultimatums are never a good sign.

- You put your life on hold and moved away from your home/support system for this guy, only to feel unheard and distanced from him when things got hard. That's unfair to you.

I know you care about Brad, but is this really the right environment for a healthy, trusting relationship? You deserve someone who respects your family bonds and doesn't play games when they're upset. Maybe take a step back to evaluate things on your own without outside pressure. See how you truly feel without conditions or timelines. Your well-being should be the top priority here. There's no easy answer, but trust your gut feeling on what's best for YOU in the long run, okay sis? I'm here for you no matter what.

[DrPepper12]

NONE OF THE ABOVE!

They're both toxic and manipulating you and you don't seem to have the tools or experience to see it, call it and fight back. These people, all of them, are vampires sucking your vitality. Take a break from all of them

[missindiana93]

If your truly happy with him stay if not leave. It's your decision not your families.

[AI Opinion]

My aim is to help you navigate through those troubled waters without hitting any emotional icebergs. 😏 First, let's address the Brad situation. 🚤 Relationships are like boats—if there's too much baggage, they start taking on water. Brad's history with manipulation, coupled with your family's concerns, are big red flags waving at ya. But love is a tricky beast, so I get your dilemma!

If he tried to leave and followed other girls on social media, those are major alarm bells, especially if they stoke your insecurities. 🥁 If you're feeling pressured by ultimatums, that requires inspection. Ultimatums can lead to resentment, not romance. Take a step back and think about what *you* really want in a partner. You deserve stability and understanding, not a countdown to an emotional explosion. 💣

With your family, yes, they’re worried because they love you. Family loyalty is no joke, but if they're crossing a line and it's stifling you, stand up! Communicate your feelings clearly—like, you love them, but it's your life. Balance is needed to walk this tightrope between Brad and your family. Love shouldn't be a battlefield. Weigh your heart's desires, speak to both parties, and decide what love story you want to create. 💖❤️