Search Results: letting go

I met this guy in October last year at a dinner gala event. We were placed on a seating arrangement and he ended up sitting next to me, we talked that entire night and we instantly clicked, it felt as if we had already known each other for years.
Then that same night, there was a party going on, I attended and he ended up being there too! He first came, put his hands gently on my shoulders asking if I'm okay, and he was winking at me, smiling the entire night. For context, he was my friends mutual she brought along that night. Fast forward to November, he texted me asking if we can hang out some time, and I agreed. We texted briefly in December, he did invite me somewhere but I was out of the country and couldn't make it.
Now this year jan he liked my stories, commented on my posts and even texted me briefly. By feb, I had texted him first that day to find out if he still studies at the university I'm currently at, coz that's where he went last year (he is in his last year ), and he said no but he will visit more often now that I am there. Then he asked for my number and sent me a text asking if I'm seeing anybody, I said no & then he sent a text saying he wants me and I told him we can give it a try. We spoke, he invited me to meet up with him to get to know each other better in person, coz he sucks at texting, I seriously couldn't make it to any of the 5 hangouts; I had other things those days. We eventually did meet twice so far this year, one in feb and last week Monday as he came to visit me on my campus which is 30 minutes away from his. We were supposed to meet yesterday outside of campus, but I couldn't make it to the venue he invited me to. but I feel as if I am letting him down by not attending. Also I still live with my parents although I am a 2nd year university student, and my parents still treat me like a high scholar that I can't go out unless it's with 2 specific friends. I feel as if it's too good to be true that he not giving up

I start off simple. I’m pretty easy to get but hard to keep/satisfy. I’m pretty routine and when things start to change, I try to get it back to the way things were, otherwise, I’m ready to bounce. Like I start to feel trapped. Then i check out mentally/emotionally but rarely physically. At certain points in the relationship, I just begin self sabotaging as my way of escaping. Its just a bad habit, especially since I struggle with letting go and leaving on my own. I rather be released even if it makes me look like the sucker. In the end, it was all apart of the plan… But I hate wasting my time (and in some way theirs as well) but at the same time it makes me feel less guilty and less of the villain if i’m released versus just voluntarily leaving. I know its some sort of commitment issue but is what it is. #FeelFreeToList