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I don’t think he does based off something that happened today, but I definitely have strong feelings for him.

This is a long story so buckle in.

I’ve been friends with this guy who’s almost 10 years older than me since I was 19. He went to back to college, and that’s how we met. We’ve always just been friends and never crossed any lines with each other and are part of the same group. He graduated 3 years ago and moved back to our hometown (turned out we’re from the same city), but we’ve stayed in touch and I see him almost every time I visit.

Last year we were hanging out and the topic eventually went to dating (not each other just in general). I described my perfect guy and he said something like, “oh like how we do?” And that’s the moment the light bulb clicked in my head. Ever since then I’ve been developing feelings for him. I felt like he wasn’t returning my feelings, so I backed off to try and readjust my emotions.

A couple months ago, he called me out the blue and we’ve been texting/calling/watching shows through zoom together practically every day the last few weeks. My feelings for him are back and are definitely getting stronger. I’m not sure how he feels. It’s like he’s hot and he’s cold, he’s definitely sending mixed signals. He’s asked me what my plans for grad school are, wanted to know if I’d move out of state to go to the same school as him, stays on the phone with me while I share my location while in traffic, etc. In a show we watched recently, they were talking about date ideas and he kept telling me he wanted to take me to those places, so I started to feel like he might feel the same as me. Today I finally had enough of wondering and texted him that I’m wanting his attention more and more, and he deflected it and made a joke.

When we met 8 years ago, I was just a kid and he was pushing 30. I’m worried he still thinks of me as a kid and doesn’t see me as the woman I’ve grown into.

Is he just a good friend? Does he want more? What do I do?

So I met my best friend a little over a year and a half ago. We both work at the same place and hang out outside of work and go to the same college (we were basically roommates). I was originally “in love” with another guy whenever we started hanging out, and he helped show me that he was toxic for me. After that, I was able to get over that guy and focus on myself. Doing that, I realized that I actually had feelings for my best friend. I thought it was nothing at first, but throughout our friendship, those feelings have grown a lot stronger.
We both love Star Wars and Marvel. He makes sure I know that I am invited to different events that he is going to and tries to include me in everything. We go on late night drives (just the two of us) and listen to music or talk if either of us are upset or overwhelmed. People always know that he rides shotgun in my car because he designated himself as my co-pilot. I have had a few people ask me if we were dating because of how we act with each other.
The reason I haven’t told him yet is because he has a girlfriend. This hasn’t been a long-term girlfriend, but it’s been going well for them so far. He’s fallen for both of my best friends in the past and I’ve always been there to give him advice about any of the girls he was thinking about dating. Currently, his girlfriend and him are doing well (other than one night that they got in a fight and he ended up crying and talking to me about it).
I’ve had the overwhelming urge to tell him lately because my feelings are growing so strong and it hurts me a lot of the time. He’s also been teasing me a lot lately (jokingly) and is always cracking inside jokes with me which hasn’t helped. His girlfriend is so great and I love her. I’m just scared that I’m gonna go insane if I don’t tell him. I also don’t want to lose him as a friend because I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it. People keep telling me to let it run it’s course and I’ll get over it, but I haven’t.

What should I do?

27F, I just don’t get why I’ve never had luck with dating. I’ve only used dating apps and while they have a bad rep I know they work for a lot of people too. I’ve been told im cute but when I say I never get approached by guys in person im not kidding. Everyone I knew back in HS and college talked about getting approached by guys. I’ve never had a LTR only dated someone for a few months back in my early twenties. Dating apps I use very casually and have kind of lost interest. The same way all the other women I know had dating happen so naturally for them I feel it should be the same for me which is why I refuse to approach guys moving fwd (with apps that’d be me messaging first). I used to message first here and there but stopped. I get matches on the apps and getting dates aren’t the issue, it’s more along the lines of not attracting the guy I’d like or there’s lack of connection/things fizzle out/guys only want a hook up.