Search Results: ready for sex

My boyfriend and I have been long-distance dating for closer to 4 years, and it's been a rollercoaster for many reasons. But, recently, we both finally had an opportunity to spend a night together at a hotel and enjoy ourselves. As soon as we walked in since I had not seen him for some time, he wanted sex. I wanted to do it as well because, mentally, I thought it would be fun for us both. However, while we were doing it, he kept telling me not to take my shirt off and other stuff that seemed distant. He finished and was quiet, giving a stand-offish vibe afterwards. I kept asking him what the issue was, and he insisted it was nothing. Finally, once I got ready for the event he wanted to go to, he stated that he was worried about my health since I had gotten "bigger."

My weight has fluctuated a lot throughout the years in early adulthood, especially with working and college. When we met, I was on the smaller side, but it was an unhealthy time for me, hardly eating. I got on the hormonal IUD for him, and that caused me to gain a lot of weight.

I started crying and asked if he was ashamed of me, if he was still wanting me in that way, the works basically because of my body. He apologized a while later about it, and admitted saying that I deserve better which was also weird. I'm not sure how to really feel or go about this since he is health-crazy and wants to make sure I live a long life with him. However, his behavior did not match up to what he was saying. I mentioned it to a few friends to which they said that he might have seen better and now has a desire for that, or he's using health as a scapegoat to cover up his lack of wanting me now. What do you think? I'm afraid he doesn't find me attractive anymore but the weight is mainly because of him wanting this birth control in me. Do you think he is just using me for sex/companionship? Does he actually love me?

So I have dated very few people and only really thought of it after knowing them a long time ‘& only by the time I was already falling in love or already IN love, tho still was not ready for a relationship and even ambivalent about just dating. I have never ever dated to experience & learn better how to date- dating was only after thought to my interest in a specific person.

it occurred to me that this can be very problematic. If you very rarely like anyone I think you can have a false- positive impression of their character. Just bc I’m so very rarely interested in someone this does not mean that anyone I AM interested in os necessarily good for me as a person/ partner or is even a good person at all.

And ultimately in my opinion experience is crucial. Every train wreck I’ve encountered on romantic scenarios was not due to anyone being evil but bc I had no clue WTF I was doing bc I was not used to caring about someone that I was also “into”. And I was extremely uncomfortable dealing with certain inevitable vulnerability etc plus brain freeze 😂

Anyhow , I think in interest of self development & interpersonal capability , I should consider dating as part of regular life & not a rare artifact that maybe I’ll encounter in a lifetime.

Now, when I say date I mean meeting you getting acquainted. I do not mean hook ups or vetting people for whatever agenda. Just getting to know people in a romantic contexts.

Of course I’ll be upfront so no one’s tine will be wasted if they are expecting sex or something heavily physical quickly. I’m Audi not interested in anyone paying for anything so no one is getting explored with no return.

Would it bother you to be asked out by someone who wasn’t blown away by you but was open to getting to know you?

1 🤔 while you were single, were you still having sex?

2 OK sooo I do have friends with which there is a mutual attraction but where neither of us see a relationship working out and sometimes we “spend time together.”

1 So would you let me know if you were still “spending time together” if I decided I was ready to date (in future)

2 wouldn’t be “spending time together”

with them if You told me you wanted to date me.🙂

🤨 Well, what if I (in future) decided to date but I am not “ready to spend time together” ?

(SEX y’all we mean sex. In case anyone didn’t catch it. “Spending time together” was the euphemism P 1 originally used for banging his friends, & I was repeating for consistency)

2 If I have a reason to wait, I can wait. But we don’t really have to worry about that at this point.

1 🤨🧐😐 Wait so then why did you go through all that stuff in the first place about how you hope you can marry while your grandparents are still here. You seem fairly casual so I don’t see why you felt the need to mention it. I wouldn’t have even been concerned about any of this 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 Well honestly they are relatively young so they have time. And while I really mean it I also do not believe in forcing things… So I am hopeful but careful.

1 Ok

2 Ok

2 … So… what now 😐

1 I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️ 👀

(Quiet for a long time)

2 Are you ready to go home? I will walk you. You are welcome to stay but it’s a bit late. I know you get up early af)

(So he walks me 🏡 I was quiet during)

2 OK so no kiss but Can I hug you😁?

1 hmm OK. maybe. ok NO. OK. 🤔

2 Are you sure? 👀

1 I think so? I don't know. nvm. Well, Uhh — maybe next time. Sorry not feeling it atm. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 It’s OK. 😌

(He buttoned my top coat buttons which was a bit weird 👀 but I guess it’s something to do I don't know)

2 You will be at your tree 🌲 tomorrow?

1 Yeah… 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 See you on my way to work. You can tell me If you want to hang out / when you want to, yeah?

So we said good night. 🌚

1 No. I just find “liking” anyone in any kind of a way other than friendship to be

Extremely stressful. I’m not good at it. it’s probably a terrible idea for us to do anything bc we did actually get along before. ALSO I’m not being coy. 🤨 I know often if someone says something negative it’s taken as coy and I’m being serious I honestly dk if this is a good idea. I’m also serious when I say I move SLOW and I don’t mean sex I just mean anything as far as getting to know each other….

☝🏼 …But that does bring me to my other concern before you interrupted me…

All I know about sex is I’m not ready for it and as far as WHEN I will be or if I will EVER be I have NO idea…

…So if that’s the ride you’re looking for you should exchange your ticket 🎫 and hop on another train 🚂—I mean that with all due respect.

I know sex is a big deal to most people and I don’t judge I just really dk if it’s gonna matter to me.

(So he def looked more surprised here -& maybe concerned not sure-than he did when I said “it takes me a long time to talk” & he kind of paused…then asked)

2 Sooo is that like you HATE it orrrr you just never found out? 👀

1 🤔 Fair question I suppose but it doesn’t really impact the fact I’m not in any rush. Anyhow the latter.

(He looked a bit more relaxed which honestly bothered me but on the other hand, I am the one who brought it up so I can’t fault him for reacting and we are not in a Disney cartoon so I can’t expect him to not care about sex)

(Getting over my discomfort bc it was all fair his reaction, but I guess I did not know what to say)

1 I do know I do not want to date someone who’s is having sex with other people 🤢

(He looked kind of feeling accused)

1. Oh lol no ! I don’t necessarily think that’s what you’re saying. I’m only raising it bc I USED to think it was a GOOD solution a perfect one. Like I can date whomever and never have to worry about sex! And now I don’t think it’s such a good idea.👀

CONTINUED*

I chatted toy guy friends and they all claim that a guy will purley have sex with a girl for that but for the girl they are actually interested in they make sure they have a decent amount of time to spend with them. So they bread crumb that girl until they are ready for a relationship with them.

Is this true?