When it comes to dating, relationship and even sex are we at the mercy of men?

Question

The court system and strict modern society in the western world was created for a reason. That's are just recently changes but even so, I feel like men are really the architects of who to ask out, where do things progress and when it's time to be ready to form a family meanwhile all we do is decide and give him a yes or no answer. He had already opened his gate when we are to give him answer.

However, in our countries in the world, women over there are suffering and at the mercy of men. I'm talking about the Middle East or other places.

- Men still get to ask women on a date and all we do is decide. They're the hunters still.

- Men are the first ones to lead on and make sexual moves and we have to give him an answer, to either reciprocate or tell him ''No, I'm not ready''. If there is a horrible man (luckily few but still) that really lacks morals and can't take no for an answer, he'll rape her and she's powerless against brute force, against having sex against her will. So much for ''women are the gatekeepers of sex''... well not if she got raped. Even worse, she gets raped and has to carry the rapist's child.

- Men get to be the one asking the woman ''Do you want to be my girlfriend'' and once all we do is give him an answer.

- Lastly since even the old times, men were the ones (still are and always will be) deciding where to girlfriend zone you forever or propose. If he gives bs excuses, he doesn't want her and is only keeping her as a girlfriend he can have a great time with. Once he proposed, all we have to do is give him an answer. We're at his mercy if he wastes our fertile years or is kind enough to place our desires to form a family (knows we have limited time to have kids) on top of his sexual needs first.

Overall, that's all we do. Men are still the ones doing the offering and all we do is give him an answer (yes or no). I guess we're at his mercy.

The_Sword · Accepted Answer

I think it's a bit rich, to complain about being the decider, at the mercy of only having whatever choices are offered over to you.

Imagine being a man, and having less than such a choice, but always having to do the work of building scaffolding, and doing the work of engineering proposals for the benefit of two people.

The only way that you can lament the plight of women, is by generalizing that all men are capable of rape when they aren't happy about a woman's decision, on the choice that he offered her.

This whole analysis about men being the architects doesn't even have to true: this analysis is the natural conclusion of buying into the generalization that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationship-progression/milestones. Nothing is stopping women from being more proactive in the dating-selection process, or taking on the more masculine role of asking questions or doing logistics about building a joint life together. Women choose not to do this, because the more passive partner, keeps her options open, and latently is using market pressure to extract the most lucrative offer that the guy is capable of making, to lock down her attention (which also means, you can go through life not knowing what you even want, you can just expect to extract that knowledge from the dating-market as a system).

Nothing is stopping women from using their attention more proactively, and designing plans and a future: just because women choose to be more passive, doesn't mean they aren't responsible for only receiving what a man architects on her behalf. If you can't negotiate a future with someone, or don't look for someone who you are capable of negotiating with- that's on you as an individual.

If you want to have a good relationship, dont make these mistakes:

https://youtu. be/zuKV2DI9-Jg

Aakash_Hangargi · Accepted Answer

It's a simple case of seeing the grass is greener on the other side.

If you were an average men you would see how it feels to be rejected one person after another not all the men will rape you if you said no those bunch of men are limited but that's a different topic it boils down to individual personality.

When a guy is in truly love or even respectful without consent there is no connection at all.

To be a guy to approach women and truly for courting is one has to plan his whole future like have a proper job decent salary and good character for a girl to say yes and not only just that he should be funny attractive tall makes her feel like queen etc etc the list never ends 😂.

You just question yourself like what does a girl want from a guy and a guy from a girl.

Guys just mostly want good looking women or like well maintained attractive women who knows to cook and should give good sex nothing much than this primary things.

Hence your simple yes or no is not so simple its very calculated women says no to hundred guys and select 101th guy.

A guy who gets rejected by 9 girls would settle for 10th or just be single or keeps trying lol just for that one yes 😹.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Some of what you say is true (such as the unfortunately all too prevalent rape in non-Western countries like India, where it is the girl and her family who is ruined by it, not the perpetrator, often a relative such as an uncle.) However, you’re lumping too many things into the pot here.

Please try to take this as constructive, and don’t immediately get your back up. You’re seeing yourself, and women, as the victim. If you live in the Middle East, for instance, then disregard what I am about to say (you live a very different existence than we do here in North America.)
Aside from violence perpetrated against women, and men’s chronic lack of commitment, women do not have to give up being equal contributers, and deciders, in relationships. It takes two, yes, and if one doesn’t want to go forward, the other cannot, or should not, push them into it. But you are being way too passive. You wait, you say yes or no - no, this is not how it has to be. We are the gatekeepers of sex. They are often the gatekeepers of progressing forward, marriage, etc. But it serves no one, especially not you, to believe that you are at their mercy. You are not.

Milonaa · Accepted Answer

"Blinded by privileges" is the best description of this take.

Nothing stop women to make the first move. Absolutely nothing stop you from engaging the conversation, planing dates, making the first sexual move, trying to take the relationship to the next step. Those actions are expected of men but not forbidden for women.

But making the first move mean taking taking the risk of being rejected and having your ego hurt. It also demand effort, a lot of efforts. It is even worst for men because they risk of being called a creep. This is why most women are happy those expectations fall on men and simply wait.

I suppose you confuse your insecurities, fear of rejection and unwillingness to make effort with "society's pressure". I often see women say they go to male strip clubs because "they are allowed to make the first move", ie gives money to men who are there only to please them and make them happy in exchange of it

How are men the architect of everything if you get the final say? This is ridiculous.

Bethany22 · Answer

Men feel recentful that all women have to do is say yes or no. But those men are complaining about women they are initially attracted to, or are madly in love with. They're not complaining about women they don't find attractive. Those women are the ones who wish they had more dating power over men. It's then that we realize that men are hunters due to biology, yet women want relationships/marriage which is more of an invented thing. Women who men don't find attractive then do all kinds of crazy things to try and secure a man, even though it's a waste of time.

Summeroflove · Answer

Men and woman unfortunately have advantages and disadvantages on society. I will say this.

A healthy relationship is give and take. There are women who make men make all the decisions and won’t help with anything. While there are others who are too controlling. You could say the same about some men too.

Sex should be after marriage.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I also think that for the longest time, it was legal for married men to rape their wives. They could not go to jail, even if they did it all the time.

dvc0006 · Answer

"we are at his mercy" bs!! you have all the choice in the world. you get asked many times and get more choices if you take action. the power goes to that who has choices. so you have the power. you may be at " the mercy" of someone who wastes your fertility years if you make a bad choice but you would be largely to blame for that . besides women many times choose the wrong partner so they are to blame instead of giving a good guy a chance so blame yourself for "wasting your fertility years" . there are some men who have no choices, at least you have choices. the men who you are referring to that you are " at their mercy" are not many. besides that analogy of wasting the fertility years is idiotic , its not like the fertility time window is a few months long! its many years long in which you also can experience your sexuality and different experiences, that is not wasting. in the case of some men you truly have no choice even if you are a good men/person. like if a woman labels you as boring etc , what is worse if you have not much social skills, social anxiety or autism your choices as a guy drop dramatically, no women will literally acknowledge you, and nearly all your moves will be rebuffed for not having enough social skills, but that is just a minority that struggles. but anyhow you have all the choices dont take for granted, how you have all the choice in the world.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Funny. All I've ever felt, was like I'm at the mercy of some shell game. I find a girl who isn't complete garbage, and some tragedy makes it impossible to have the life I want with her. I try to move on, and find everyone either undesirable physically or I find them to be scumbags or unhinged moonbats.

The only women that seem to go out of their way to seek me out are bots, scammers, and 2s.

But try to find something better, and all I get is an endless game of Minesweeper, where the mine positions are always in flux, and the flags are never entirely reliable.

It's almost like gas station price tags trying to keep up with inflation. What was true last week, can now go right in the trash!

I don't see how that leaves either men or women feeling empowered.

Shayyyy1 · Answer

Until he clearly asks me to be his girlfriend I assume nothing. I've asked guys to be my boyfriend a couple times when they took too long. To an extent yh we kinda are if they don't respect us like the scums u mentioned. I wouldn't mind proposing but the girlfriend zones thing is 100%. Women initiate sex too and ask the man if he doesn't want too. But yeah girls are majority of the One a in the yes or no end of the out him down lightly so he doesn't get mad end. It's all about not making them mad or upset cause we know who'll have the short end of the stick at the end of it all.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

I really don't understand what you complain about...

When it comes to rape, I do understand that it is worse in the east (tho hopeful still very rare) and I do agree that it is terrible.

But other than that, do you complain that men are the "hunters" and ones to ask out? What's the problem with that? Can't you be the one asking out when you like someone in your country are don't you like to be asked out?

Funny enough, women in the west (ern) world complain that "men do not ask them out" and you complain for the opposite?

So, what is exactly the problem?

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't really understand takes like this one. I follow the logic of what you are saying, but even if it was true, as a woman you're still on the recieving end of all the prizes. You don't have to do anything. That ENTIRE social super structure you're talking about is created to serve you, as the woman. Even if the man has to come to you and decide to pursue you, you have all the power in the situation because all you have to do is decide "yes" or "no."

I never understand these people who talk about the Patriarchy as though it hasn't served women every step of the way. Serving women was the entire point.

OpenClose · Answer

Definitely a valuable perspective, and a helpful reminder when I feel like women hold all the cards in dating.

I'm generally a pretty receptive guy, so I generally prefer it when the girl makes the move or initiates something sexual, because then I know it's real and I'm not pressuring her into something she doesn't necessarily want. Basically like "I'm ready to go whenever. When you're ready, don't be afraid to let me know." And for me it's always been the girl asking "do you want to be my boyfriend?". Which I think is kinda weird because in my mind I'm already exclusive once I've gone on a date and disinterest hasn't been expressed.

So I've been wanting to see some of these expectations change for a while now.

I can't speak much for other countries, especially those with much more catching up to do in human rights.

melanieeeB · Answer

It's a mans world, sadly it shows in third countries the most or like just look at Iran! It's so sad and heartbreaking. That's why education and female rights are important.
But in the first world countries, where femals have more rights and good feminism exists (I'm not talking about the few who scream the loudest and try to use it for their advantage and be hateful piece of shits), we can actually decide.
You don't have to wait for a man to ask, you don't have to sit there and wait until you decide, you can make decisions from the get go and set boundaries and men have to wait for your approval 🤷🏽‍♀️

JDavid25 · Answer

If man's role in pursuing a woman was so great then why haven't women decided to start pursuing men, asking them to marry them, and asking them to be in relationships? Oh that's right, because... There's little power in being the applier instead of the one applied to. If you're being applied to, you actually have the power.. Women have most of the power when it comes to the beginning stages of a relationship since the man really has to jump through hoops to impress her enough to wanna go out on a date, then play his cards right long enough to eventually get into a relationship, and then ask her to marry her.. If a woman is not ready... She can simply say no..

RiseofArtemis · Answer

Putting it very bluntly yes. Men could just say enough is enough, throw down all the laws which damage our society and force women to be traditional again. Women will and are always going to be at the Mercy of men doesn't matter the nation or age. Men are protectors and women are care takers.

Women that are not desirable for men either die or find some other strategy. A lot of modern women will die alone because they have either too high standards or have no idea what to search for and always look for the wrong stuff. Modern women are unable to have good and meaningful relationships that will hold long.

Anonymous · Answer

What a gynocentric view you take on all of this.

"Men get to be the one asking the woman" No, men HAVE to do the asking, because women won't... because they are too entitled to put themselves in a position where they risk rejection like men HAVE to.

"Men are the first ones to lead on and make sexual moves and we have to give him an answer" Let me fix that for you..."Men are the ones who HAVE TO lead on and make sexual moves and women GET TO to give him an answer"

"Men are still the ones doing the offering and all we do is give him an answer (yes or no). I guess we're at his mercy." Again, let me fix that for you..."Men are still the ones who HAVE TO DO the offering and all women HAVE TO DO is give him an answer (yes or no). I guess MEN are still at WOMEN's mercy."

Get your nose out of those ridiculous feminist books and start thinking for yourself.

SarahS98 · Answer

Wait till marriage like I did and problem solved. Make the man sacrifice sex for commitment and you don't have to worry about wasting your prime years. Honestly if a woman finds herself in the position of being in a relationship for 5+ years with a live-in boyfriend who isn't proposing, she has nothing to blame for herself. No one forced her to stay years waiting.

DoctorSex · Answer

This is a man's world.

Women who understand this and understand that getting behind a good man is their only access into heaven. Women who claim it isn't a man's world, and women rule the world, live in hell.

Kind regards,

Anonymous · Answer

Generally speaking, women gatekeep sex and men gatekeep relationships. Also, it should be obvious but bears repeating because for some reason people constantly forget it, but men compete with other men for the best women and women compete with other women for the best men. So there is no such thing as "Team Man" or "Team Woman." Men aren't teammates in this dating game. Neither are women.

xJeremyx · Answer

Honestly, no. Us guys have to make these decisions all the time, but when the girls step in and help out, eg. asking us out, proposing, etc. I think most men will be more than eilling to play along.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow, you don't REALLY believe all that, do you? We have so much more power in dating and relationships than you acknowledge here. You seem to see every issue through the lens of a chronic victim.

monorprise · Answer

Why are you not asking? What is stopping you?

spartan55 · Answer

To get a woman to lift a finger towards any effort in dating is nothing short of a miracle nowadays.

When it comes to dating, relationship and even sex are we at the mercy of men?

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