Is this really the era of hookup culture and real relationships are doomed?

[slackbabbath]

I’ve been out of the dating scene for a couple years for reasons. But I started dating more recently and honestly it’s kinda been a nightmare. Seems like the conversations suck. It’s like the same conversation over and over, and even the same people. Sex comes quick and people just bop in and out of each other’s lives without any real connection. It’s rinse and repeat and nothing really feels meaningful anymore.

I was talking to this guy online and he told me how awful dating has been for him and I’m wondering if anyone can verify?

He says everyone our age (21-30ish) is just hooking up. That on dating apps guys just ask girls to fuck and they say yes, they get together and hookup and that’s it. Or most girls just want Instagram or Only fans attention on dating apps.

Or he goes out to bars with his friends and they all make it a game to get a girl’s number. And if they don’t they’re a loser. And basically if you don’t get the first girl’s number you just move down the bar to the next and next until you’re successful, and the motivation is just for sex. He said he’s seen guys just walk up to girls in bars and be like “wanna fuck” and they do. Like a person is just a body for a night.

The conversations are the same, there isn’t any depth, and everyone is just having sex with anyone and moves on to the next. (This is what he is telling me). Again, I’ve been out of the dating scene for 2 years so hearing this makes me wanna not even try. Is this all true?

[Apope16]

Yes it is the era of hookup culture and real relationships are doomed. I think it is primarily the fault of women. Women are on these dating apps and getting matches with dozens of guys and then during the day they have several guys that they text while in a relationships. so they are distracted from the relationship, they are flirting with other guys for attention and validation, and then because of the attention they get from other men they take their current partner for granted.

Then what happens is that as soon as there is conflict or as soon as they find out that a man has flaws (every relationship has baggage), they then look to line up a new guy. Then when a fight happens they have already checked out of the relationship. Rather than work things out they dump the guy after the 3 month honey moon stage and then start hooking up with a new guy for a new honeymoon stage. Women are floating around the entire year between honeymoon stages and dating several guys at a time. Often canceling dates on nice guys to feed their ego. They want the high of new dick blowing their back out and the glow of a new relationship. But when things get hard they float on to another new dick and another new honeymoon. It becomes a cycle.

There are a lot of women in their 30s who's longest relationship has been only a few months. LIke 3 months because of this. Then they may try to make it sound better by saying they dated a guy for "3 years" but then you ask more questions and you find out it was "long distance" or "online". So basically it wasn't a relationship. It was validation and attention for several year by sweet talking and sexting a guy online.

There are exceptions to this. If you are a chubby or fat girl then instead of being the one using guys then often it is bad boy or asshole guys using you. Or it could be just average nice guys having sex with chubby girls online but not wanting to date them because they are emberrassed about being out in public and saying that a fat woman is their girlfriend. So you have a lot of fat women that are used by men online for friends with benefits or hookups and then they are sad and lonely because they don't know why a guy doesn't want to date them. Uhm. It is because there are a lot of guys out there who have standards. They will have sex with anything but what status message does it send if a guy who is athletically fit and dating a woman with a beer belly or a belly that sticks out larger than her breasts?

Dating apps have made it so easy to emotionally cheat that everyone basically is doing it all the time. I have met girlfriends and even wives on dating apps looking for sex and claiming their husband knows. Its rough out there. Access to sex is so much easier and everyone is so independent that they aren't even loyal anymore. EVERYONE is cheating in our modern times. I would say out of legit long term relationship probably 75% to 80% of them will experience some form of emotional cheating by texting a guy or flirting on an app when they have a fight with their boyfriend. It is now just an assumption that I accept and then navigate the value of a woman and whether to stay or go. Almost EVERY WOMAN you date will emotionally cheat in some way. Almost EVERY GUY will probably emotionally cheat too. It is just too easy. No no no they are not "just friends". Sure they are just friends right now but the intention really is sexually attraction and attention. they haven't cheated yet but they are keeping open the possiblity. they are not just co workers. that ex boyfriend is not just "a friend".

There is so much pain. So much pain that we are all going through.

[Anonymous]

We are all entering a tunnel and how and it's not the Tunnel of Love that's for damn sure this is a picture of a New York city abandoned tunnel me driving through it I am a nostalgic for the old days I don't like this postmodern crap that they serve to us

[slackbabbath]

Thank you for sharing this tunnel. I like this photo.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad you do, the both of you ladies are very pretty.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much what dating is nowadays ^

Especially if you are in North America, there is no real incentives for people to get to know each other. Of course there may be exceptions to this but I have yet to see a pattern of the opposite. It is mostly like Oh I'm looking for someone you are looking for someone let's date for a few weeks.

Then it usually fizzles out. I have also been out of dating for a while now, but when I was engaged I noticed how sad it is. You think the person genuinely likes you just to have them ghost you for no reason. Sometimes they seek your attention again but then it is pointless because they abandoned you in the first place.

[slackbabbath]

That’s another thing, ghosting. I will never understand how one minute someone can be in your life and you mean so much to them and then poof they vanish without a word? Disgusting behavior. So inconsiderate and flaky.

[Opinion Owner]

I know and if you were to question them for cutting you off all you get is "we are different" or that they never were serious with you at the first place or that they don't like you enough be exclusive. Never do they think that they may be hurting another human. I feel like it has made everyone so desperate that people live off Tinder or go to shows like the bachelor. :')

Me on the other hand pretty much try to avoid such people or date until someone right comes along. Just came to terms with hating this fucked up hookup culture.

[slackbabbath]

Yeah! Or like “I don’t owe you anything we weren’t in a relationship” and it’s not about owing anyone anything... it’s just about understanding your actions affect others and could really hurt them and why would you want to hurt someone when you could just let them know what’s going on? So fickle and cowardly.
Lol and ugh I hope to not be that desperate! I’m with you. I’d rather wait.

[Ellie-V]

It is true for some and false for some 🤷🏾‍♀️
I don’t relate to your experience and we are in the same age rage. All I can say is that certain types of people tend to flock together, without even knowing. So you’re better off changing your environment rather than just giving up. But if the effort is not worth it then you should give up. Stop trying. Just **attract**. Just be. And love it. You are a woman. You naturally hold gifts of magnetism. If you’re meant to be with someone, it will happen anyway.

[MrOracle]

This began with radical feminism, which hit peak power in the late 90s (pushing for women to abandon femininity and adopt male priorities and behavior), was further enabled via tabloid news and "reality" TV, glorifying the worst behavior, and taken to its logical conclusion with social media, Tinder, and OnlyFans.

How many Cosmo articles told women that they too could have casual hookups like (some) guys? How many articles talking about the glamorous lives of "social media influencers"?

This wasn't an accident. This was very planned, long-term subversion by Marxist-influenced activists who developed on college campuses and worked their way into media and politics as they were taught. The goal - as openly stated since the late 60s - is to destroy Western culture more broadly, and the nuclear family specifically.

You (perhaps less so than your friends) have been taught to work and choose against your own best interests, and are praised when you do so by society. This is why so many people - especially women - are so profoundly unhappy, and why so many have mental health problems (the more politically left-leaning, the less happy and more mentally ill people are, as their leaned values are so against their actual instincts and desires).

Most people who grew up being indoctrinated this way can't see any of this, but you can, even if you don't really understand it yet. There's hope for you, but you have to really open your eyes and pay attention to what's really going on.

[yofuknutz]

Some of us in the intellectual community have already seen this train wreck coming and it HURTS seeing all of this UNFOLD.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle The late '90s were when I started puberty.

[Jamie05rhs]

@yofuknutz Yes. It's quite painful.

[Matthew2222]

WRONG, you CANNOT make a distinction between any type of Feminism, they are all EQUALLY responsible for what has happened and MUST be destroyed completely

[yofuknutz]

You fuking right is painful half a time I want to reach through the cell phone I snap somebody's neck like a breadstick at Olive Garden and I am never met these people in person

[slackbabbath]

@Matthew2222 but I’m not a feminist and I unfortunately played part because i thought I was in love

[slackbabbath]

And he was like woah that’s crazy you have feelings and like I had been seeing him for 3 months. I didn’t do it to be empowered or for any reason except I thought he felt the same. I genuinely thought we had something real. I was just dumb

[yofuknutz]

I don't think you are dumb I just think you were hoping for the best and unfortunately got served the worst or not the best just try to be smarter for next time that's all you can do life is too painful as it is when you're not smart oh boy.

[MrOracle]

@slackbabbath I don't blame you for making some mistakes - we've ALL made them - nor for believing what you were taught, or for suffering because of it. That's the norm today. What I'm hoping for is that this experience helps to snap you out of the trance that you've been put under, so that you can start to see clearly how you (and most of the rest of society) has been manipulated and indoctrinated to choose against your instincts. They NEED you to be miserable, so that you are upset and angry and they can control who you blame it on (it won't be the people who caused the problem - it will be the people who tried to warn you and others). It's about power for them, and the fact that it destroys billions of lives doesn't matter.

You can still be truly happy. There are actually a lot of people - men and women both - who see this stuff for what it is and have rejected it. People who actually value relationships and families and more traditional values. But you have to seek such people out - you don't find them on Tinder or in bars and clubs, and you don't find them in Gender Studies in college. But they're out there, and they actually care, and actually want what you want.

The alternative is to sell yourself on Instagram and OnlyFans for as much as you can get. I have nothing against that if that's what you want to do, but it seems clear that you want something very different, and that means you have to go find it. You aren't going to catch salt-water ocean fish in a freshwater lake, no matter what bait you use, what time of day you start fishing, or how nice of a boat you have, because those fish AREN'T IN THE LAKE. To catch ocean fish, you have to go to an ocean. Likewise, you aren't going to find traditional guys on Tinder or in bars - they aren't there. But they definitely exist.

[slackbabbath]

@MrOracle couldn’t agree more. I am learning and I know more of what I want now and I know it isn’t what I’m witnessing. Had to laugh at the “you don’t find them in gender studies” ... lol I don’t think I’d wanna look there. And I am off tinder forever. Bars to me are just for going out with friends. I will keep looking and trying for something real and not lose hope. Thank you.

[MrOracle]

Good luck to you! Use your own eyes and ears and, most importantly, that grey squishy thing between your ears, and make your desires and intentions clear from the start. Chose a partner based on his morals, values, and long-term compatibility rather than his Instagram photo or his number of Twitter followers and you'll be just fine.

[Matthew2222]

You are an idiot if you think there is anything out there worth having, there is not, and your platitudes are for cowards.

[Jamie05rhs]

Matthew, stop being such a grouch.

[ThisAndThat]

Very accurate BINGO! Only the Marxist plan went back way before the 1960's, before 1926 for sure. It was done very gradual so that it slowly gained acceptance.

[ThisAndThat]

@Matthew2222 You are right. Feminism is the Marxist design at its roots. It's all radical by its very design.

[canuck_guy23]

I find this era pathetic. Girls are influenced by social media and what their friends say. Let me be clear about something, yes as a guy it’s hard not to look at women, men look at the physical aspect while women look at the emotional it’s built in our DNA. God created man with weakness and part of that weakness is the sexual allure of women. It’s a constant struggle for guys to resist our desires but it’s not easy.

Girls/women have their own desires to fight and hold back on and that’s not easy either. My post is not to rip females but I just think the culture and identity girls/women want today is just for the short term, I want it now affect. I hate dating apps, there are girls who matched with me “I have an ex boyfriend in the picture”, “you’re not good enough”, “a girl ASKING me to send HER a dick pic”.

I’m in my early 30s, I graduated with an honours degree, got accepted to law schools, did my masters, I cook good food, I stay in shape, decent looking, funny, caring, sympathetic, self aware, understanding and etc. and yet in a girls mind I’m not good enough and I’m getting girls today who seem to have less and less values. It’s awful because when you see guys influenced or look up to professional athletes it seems to me girls are influenced by female musicians. Such as, Rihanna, Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B, Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez and etc. These “famous” musicians from what I’ve heard are down right rude/disrespectful because they are on their high horse, they thrive off attention, they jump from one guy to the next. Girls today will look at that, read that, watch that and say “yea that’s how to live life!”. I gave the example of guys looking up to professional athletes but guys also look at male musicians such as 50-cent, drake and others living the fancy life with tons of women. I truly believe he media influences our minds and forces us to act on our desires for this life and eliminating the hereafter from the equation.

Music has a huge part to deal with it, the movies we watch and the music we listen to has a lot of hidden or open satanic meanings. And people might not believe but one example is go type in little Nas shoes on Google and you’ll find something fucked up. That’s just one thing, and that’s why I’ve deleted a lot of songs off my phone, I stopped listening to a ton music. This world is heading in a bad direction. I was just watching the promising young woman or whatever that movie is called and it got me thinking are there women out there who manipulate men to set them up? Well yeah there’s been tons of stories like that from around the world.

I can’t trust girls today, because she’s probably running on some high that “50 guys are talking to her” and she’s in her lat 20s. At some point young women need to grow up and start their life. If a girl is in her late 20s does drugs and parties then she obviously doesn’t know how to prioritize her life. There was once a time when girls got mad at guys for partying and acting stupid, now girls are doing the same, it’s pathetic.

[Lookingforthetruth]

Lol beta detected.

[Anonymous]

As with everything, you have to parse out what's real, what's bullshit and what you just having weird expectations.

Take this for example: " . . . And basically if you don’t get the first girl’s number you just move down the bar to the next and next until you’re successful,"

So what's the alternative? What do you expect to happen? If the guy doesn't get the first girl's number he goes home? Never dates? Kills himself? Of COURSE he's just going to move on to the next one until he's successful. Isn't that really obvious? To think that's strange says something more about you having weird expectations than it does about there being a problem with the dating scene.

Let's take this one next: " . . . That on dating apps guys just ask girls to fuck and they say yes, they get together and hookup and that’s it."

Again, what the hell would you EXPECT to happen here? If the way your "relationship" started is that the guy messaged the girl, asked to fuck and she says "yes." What do you THINK is going to happen next? My guess is they'll fuck. And then what? Well given the way things started, it's hardly realistic to believe there'll be much more to it than that. I mean maybe, but probably not.

Okay, so THEN what? Is that 100% of dating? That sounds like bullshit. Is that going on? Absolutely! Is there something you could do about it? Probably. Here's an idea. . .

If you're not interested in getting together to just fuck--that is if you're interested in a "real relationship" then either 1) don't start conversations by asking "wanna fuck?" and 2) if you are asked "wanna fuck" by someone, maybe just block them and move on to the next one. Focus more on what you actually want and less on what you don't want or dislike.

Which brings me to another part of my rant. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT AND STOP FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE. There's WAAAAAAYYYYY too much of the later going on right now. YOU may want a relationship. Cool. OTHER people want to get together to fuck. Leave them alone and focus on the ones that matter to you.

[jamesgoldman]

Dating is dead, now it's all just fast instant gratification be it fashion, food or fucking

See I'm old school, a man of quality and distinction

Silk ties, suits and smart shirts
Steak and single malt
Cuban cigars, yellow gold

Maybe I'm just an old man trapped in a younger body

[David92506]

@jamesgoldman
I agree with what you wrote and gave it a "thumbs up."
It does seem to me that dating is dead. People don't meet just to say "hello." It seems like everyone has an agenda and getting to know someone by chatting isn't on it. Just like you wrote, everyone wants instant gratification.

On a side note, I've met a lot of people who believe in "speed dating." Whereas within 2-minutes one can tell if you would be a good match or not. It seems like people don't want to give the other person a chance.

[slackbabbath]

@David92506 totally agree

[ohshee]

Some times I feel as if it's headed that way it seems like nobody has time for each other anymore which I understand but there has to be that moment of intimacy of bonding I believe anyway I believe in that touch that feeling that world you become one with somebody that's most beautiful thing I've ever come world is changing so very fast a very fast pace right now and I think each and every day return that dial-up to make it go faster I think we are all headed to a place that we don't want to go to that we're being forced to go 2 and either way the people will change it or we will be sheep but no matter what they're always be relations and how we handle it how we do it I guess will be between the two people that come together that meet I think for me no matter what even if I was to have a hook-up I have to have a relationship with that no matter what kind it is I have to have that Bond that connection in one way or the other in order to be who I want to be in the best that I can be

[Biancam13]

I don’t think so. Even in a ‘hookup culture era’, if you meet the right person you’re more than often gonna want to settle down with them or start something serious. Because you’ll feel more pleasure just being with them than by any other person you could hook up with.

[Jamie05rhs]

But then you run into the problem of them potentially not wanting the same thing you want.

[Biancam13]

@Jamie05rhs true but usually if you click and have a really good connection they’ll want the same thing

[slackbabbath]

@Jamie05rhs bingo. This happened to me. It doesn’t always work out mutually

[Jamie05rhs]

@slackbabbath Yeah. I bet it happens to a lot of people.

[msc545]

a lot of what you said is true unfortunately. Dating has become almost a contest and it's very difficult to find meaningful relationships today. If that is what you are looking for then alternative methods of finding people to date might be best for you including professional matchmaking and things of that sort. Online dating is a nightmare and you probably shouldn't even consider it. Similarly, bars and clubs are also very difficult places to find anything meaningful. I wish I had better news for you but I think your perceptions of the current dating scene are unfortunately extremely accurate.

[sarahemilyyy]

Haha come to my country in southeast asia here, people generally wait for marriage to have first sex. And hook up before marriage isn't common. Maybe you're just not suited to the culture there. Everyone has personal dating preference, but yeah, relationships and love sound easy these days if what I'm reading here is true :!

[sarahemilyyy]

And even when you hook up before marriage, you're expected to marry her

[David92506]

@sarahemilyyy
I went to a small private Catholic college in a small town. When you met someone many times the first question asked is, "What church do you go to?" Many of the women at that college equated sex with marriage. It was just a given. I hated that because it was too much pressure.

There were women who didn't equate sex with marriage and they had a whole bunch of guys wanting to meet her.

[sarahemilyyy]

People have preferences. And women have their own way. Some of them are used to being a virgin before marriage, some of them do not. You may not be comfortable, maybe due to your culture, but not everyone isn't comfortable.

Yes there are women who don't equate sex with marriage who had a whole bunch of guys wanting, but the women happen to be the guys' preference!

While actually, the culture of equating sex with marriage is a lot more foreign and alien to most people in the West. So I'm not surprised that women who don't equate sex with marriage had a lot of guys wanting due to being more liberal as it is seen as more attractive in the West world.

Some men do like virgin women too. Western people are just not used to it.

While in southeast asia, it is uncommon that people thinm that being virgin before marriage is a tok much pressure. We're used to it

[yofuknutz]

Time for change Plus legally married in the west does not make economic sense for a man I don't know if they change that wood that help out the current situation I think it's far gone in that I'm not sure but Sarah I do appreciate your sentiment I've always equated sex was at least the possibility of marriage in the back of my head not everybody shares my opinion

[jerdanro]

I've had the same experience even with some women in their 40s.

I need to see someone in person or at least speak on the phone to have a really meaningful conversation. I've had some success over text, but only when both of us were engaged and replying right away. It's hard to have a good conversation with unpredictable gaps in between that also imply a lack of interest.

Sex is great and if two concenting adults just want sex, good for them. I want to date someone with the goal of developing a deep, loving relationship... and lots of hot kinky sex. ;) It's so much more fulfilling to have both with the same person.

[Needtovent]

It makes me feel better reading all of the opinions on here from people who don’t like the modern culture and find it abhorrent. I used to do online dating and it was just one bad experience after another. Managed to find a nice guy the old fashioned way but I still have trust issues because of this modern culture

[beldath]

That's how it was before you left the dating scene. I think it's just that more people have given up because dating apps are bs even more than they used to be.
I've been single three years. Only went on a few dates that first year. Nothing came of any of them.
One girl propositioned me for friends with benefits, but I wasn't interested.
The bar part you mentioned has been a thing since I can remember. Part of the reason I never drank.

[jshm2]

No it's not true, He's just trying to psych you out into sleeping with him without fuss as it's a "done thing".

You just need to stop hanging at dive bars and stick with what you want at relationships. Not everyone is into the same games.

[Splatzonelover1]

This why I dislike dating site and do not go disabled dating they even more worst guys. I also dislikes the hookup culture. I just fed up with disabled dating site and swore off for them since I keep meting rude ass men there. I just using Facebook instead.

[David92506]

I've been on dating sites such as Match. com and Plentyoffish. com and I never met a woman who wanted to "hook up." In fact, the women I met complained that all the men they meet wanted to hook up.

With that being said it seems to me that relationships, where two people meet and chat just to get to know each other, are rare. It seems to me everyone has an agenda. It seems to me that people want to be "one-up" in the relationship, where they are at the advantage.

[I-C3_ME]

Yeah I'm not really confident in dating apps at all, the only people that i get matched with or actually have a nice conversation with live half way around the world so i just go on their once i awhile and swipe but knowing that I'll only fix a girl if i meet her irl... though i was born on the internet and my friends are mostly the same

[GoldenTulip]

Hmm I think for younger people these days it is.. that is why i am actually happy that i am a bit older now. I donty understand this hook up culture aswell.. did that myself a long time ago. But it didn't make me happy. I guess it also depends where you look for people. Don't use those tinder shiss apps but instead go to propper payed websites, where people take the efforts just like you. ;)

[jerdanro]

Best answer.

[GoldenTulip]

Thank you for saying so. :)

[JDavid25]

Good answer.. But one thing.. If you are really 28.. You are still very young.. Lol..

[GoldenTulip]

Ow thank you! But i don't feel that young anymore though. Haha

[JDavid25]

Haha, don't feel too old too fast you still got 20 -30 years before you are eligible for the senior citizens discount.. 😂😂.. But no problem.

[Anonymous]

To me it has not really changed the past 15 years.. more is online now, before it was bars and parties where you hook up. And I don't see more or less of it.
More than half of people I know are in relationships, depends on what people you hang out with. Some are into the hookup culture, others shy away from it.

[David92506]

I liked your comment and gave it a "thumbs up." I would like to add that it seems to me that people who are on dating apps would develop the belief that we live in an era of hookup culture. However, in real life, it isn't that way. Just as you wrote, some are into it and others shy away from it.

[EternallyCorrect]

It is the era of hook-up culture, but real relationships aren't doomed. There are still a perhaps smaller percentage of people who just aren't into it at all. You just have to find those people, and unfortunately that means sifting through the trash.

[JSmuve]

Apparently the girls are a lot easier in your area than mine. Here, they don't put out unless you have some sort of high-level status. Dating apps lead nowhere and they just advertise their Instagram and snapchat. We live in the age where a guy's purpose is to placate the fragile ego of the modern independent woman. I don't understand how women hook up when they spend all their time taking and posting selfies.

[Jesus_is_the_guey]

Yea dating wise this whole generation is fucked with a capital f consider yourself lucky if you run into a decent women I’m so lucky I ran into my 🦄

[slackbabbath]

Congrats