Is the hookup culture ruining future relationships for women?

Question

Well as we all know that the media and left encourages hookup culture and/or promiscuity and takes newer generations away from relationships
that being said, do you think that hookup culture or the culture non-relationship sexual arrangements is diminishing the future prospects for women for having a relationship?

Because what I have seen is most of the teen and young adults who sleep around because they can without thinking of the future and how this isn't good for them end up with either self esteem issues where they end up in bad relationships again and again which takes a toll on their mental and emotional health since they don't seem to find the right partner.

Or

Once past the ages of 24-25 these women start to yearn for a fulfilling relationship with a loving partner who respects them and showers them with love with a possibility of being married down the line, but the non-douche, non-assholic guys who look for relationship usually stay away from those ladies who have a past of sleeping around and promiscuity because that shows a tendency of inability to hold serious relaationships which might lead to the guys ending hurt or being cheated on in the end.
And to be honest, if I were a guy, I'd have the same outlook.
I was one of those women in my late teens, but someone woke me up and made me realize the situation and changed since then.

But I hate it when I see women breaking down emotionally for not being able to find the right guys after years and years of sleeping around, hookups, friends with benefits.

Blake0048 · Accepted Answer

Why is it ruining relationships for women? Is it not ruining it for men as well? Those guys you described have no interest in women like that because they can see right through it all. They know those women are just coming to the realization that their biological clock is ticking faster and faster. They realize that in the end big cocks and shitty attitudes don't actually provide the same relationship fulfillmemt and stability/money that comes from dating a good career oriented intelligient non douche type of man. At this point she is willing to compromise after all she's already been ravaged by 30+ men all the shallow qualities she used to search for have lost their luster. The "provider" type knows he is essentially being preyed on. That is a huge turn off and how can he catch true feelings for someone like that? Like you said it also doesn't make sense... surely she mighy cheat or just change her mind for no reason because she is insane. When women get to this stage in life and start warming up to men they would have rejected in the not so distant past it makes him feel pathetic. Like he is only valuable to women who have been used and ruined. He understands these social dynamic (if he is smart) and not only does it make him unnattracted to these particular women but it makes him bitter in general. Men in this position might never actually find someone they can truly open up to and love. Unfortunately these women usually will find some cuckold sucker to take care of them. They knew that from the start that is why they were the way they were. So what im saying is yes what you said is 100% true hookup culture is harming relationships for men and women not just women. But at the end of the day the women usually end up happily ever after whereas the men you referred to have to choose between their dignity and filling the void that only love can fill. Which can make him really unhappy and unable to actually find love so I would say that men are undoubtedly more affected by this "sexual liberation".

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

I don't think so. A lot of women in these times are not angels, and are secretly having casual sex with lots of guys while they lie about it or pretend to be relationship-oriented. I've known many such women, and I'm sure other men know them as well.

Nyx_85 · Accepted Answer

Ok. Wait a second here. I thought a (monogamous) relationship was a two way street... So if it's being ruined for women it's being ruined for men as well. Let's be fair here.

But no I don't believe relationships are being ruined for anyone. Ruined for certain people... MAYBE. I believe it's only ruined when a person cannot grow/ change/ reflect etc. Because even if there are some people who prefer a person with a low partner count or a virgin there are those willing to overlook someone's past if the person has grown up enough. Nobody is perfect and expecting someone to be is just silly. We are talking about human beings like they are objects. We're not.

Plenty of people go through a period of time where they just want to have some fun but then they get over it. For some it can be very short lived and for some it can last younger. That is entirely different from confusing sex with love or doing it because you had low self esteem. It's usually those people who have the hardest time getting over their past. Girls who falls for guys that never wanted anything serious and then spend years obsessing over them (well not them exactly. They are obsessing over not being wanted) while not being able to really focus on any real relationship they have in the future.

Also people say "Well she may cheat..." Actually from what I've seen the girls I've known who were a bit more adventurous (by adventurous I don't mean they necessarily slept around but they didn't have to be in a relationship to have sex) when they were single were the least likely to cheat when in a relationship. It was the goody two shoes "Omg I only have sex in a relationship because I'm a nice girl and I'm so much better than other girls omg look at how special I am!" type of girls that eventually cheated on their boyfriends/ finances/ husbands because they got bored or something. I'm not sure how it is for guys. Also I'm not saying that's how it is for everyone. Just what I've noticed.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, it is ruining relationships for everyone. It's teaching the younger kids to hookup and do stupid shit. There is not love, loyalty, respect, and people are just cold. There's no warmth, there's no faith. And if you don't have those, your relationship definitely won't work out.

Many people think having sex before marriage is fine or okay. But in actuality it's not. It's like you meet someone, start dating and decode sometime close to the 3rd date or so, to have sex, and then y'all break up (most people) because it wasn't working out with them. Well then why have sex so soon? Have a normal relationship, talk about things, learn about eachother, grow your relatiobships, especially if you're looking to marry. Like there is just no respect for relationships nowadays. The next person you date wants to know how many you've been with in a sexual way, and when you tell them, they (subconciously) will be thinking about this, and especially if it's a shit ton of people you've slept with, that definitely stays on their minds. No loyalty because it's like jumping from person to person, how does that make you a loyal person if you hop around?
I mean it's my opinion but, damn people are definitely ruining the reputation/meaning of relationship.
And also for people who say that this generation isn't having enough sex of whatever, vompared to back in the day, how the hell do you know if y'all never lived back then? Why would you believe something "studies have shown" shit about that. It's not like they went and asked every single person out there back then and now to record this. They choose "some" people, ask them about their sexual life And record from that little bit of people...

Louloubum · Accepted Answer

Alvin Toffler wrote in his 1962 book "Future Shock" that by the 2050 modern social structure would become disposable. Disposable jobs, disposable husbands, single-use friends and neighbors... people would be running from one place to the next, one job to the next, one relationship to the next in constant search of the new and perfect, undamaged "thing". The newness and hope of perfection would become shadowed by the reality that perfection doesn't exist with the new thing, that is to say, as soon as trouble arises, the people would cut ties, preferring to conserve the illusion of perfection, however fleeting it might be; searching for an ever-newer, ever-better new thing.

His world has come 30 years early, and is also mired by COMPLETELY ridiculous standards of a womans' beauty. (crazy makeup + plastic surgery = WTF selfies) This generation of "instagram" "tinder" "selfie" women will evolve to believe their beauty and intrigue on selfies is the only lure, and as their beauty fades, will find themselves increasingly unable to form genuine relationships with the opposite sex; relationships based on TIME, FORGIVENESS, LOYALTY and TRUST. These are not things you find in the hookup culture. it's sad.

lyannamormont · Accepted Answer

It's ruining it for me. I am not a woman who sleeps around out of relationships. And the expectation of guys on online dating or in general is blowjob at least on second date. I don't blame men. There are those women that caused them to lose faith and turned them into fuckboys probably. But I noticed people lost the ability to be loyal, faithful, respectful, and they have no ability to try to connect and love someone deeply beyond the bodily functions, and looks.

Logorithim · Answer

I don't think it necessarily messes things up for women when they're ready to settle down. First of all, there are plenty of men engaged in the hookup culture as well. Second, we do a lot of things when we're immature that we later move away from (at least most of us do). Third, virtually no one expects their spouse to be a virgin when getting married, and is there a huge difference between having had sex with 5 People or 20? Not really. What would concern me more is recent infidelity in a marriage or what was supposed to be a steady, monogamous relationship.

freakyzeaky · Answer

The only reason I would think that it could ruin relationships is that it trivializes sex to the point to where relationships aren't needed to fulfill that desire. One big part of an intimate relationship is the sexual component, regardless of how certain women like to downplay sexual urges in both men and women. After all, a platonic friendship can be intimate as close friends can share feelings and provide the same kind of support. Friends can even become roommates if financial support needed. You can give gifts to friends, take friends out on "dates", you can even make gestures like helping them with a project. Romantic relationships are akin to a very close platonic friendship with sexual attraction. It is one of the only places where a person can express the love language of sex (and not sex for purely physical pleasure).

Personally I don't care if a woman has some sexual experiences in and out of LTRs. I am not going to be so insecure as to believe that even though she desires me and wants a LTR with me, her sexual urges will get the better of her and cause her to go against her values. If she cheats or shows signs that I am not satisfying her due to a crazy insatiability (nympho), then I would be concerned about our compatibility or if she is able to be monogamous. However, no way would I want her to have a low sex drive, not be in touch with what makes her feel good, to be completely passive in bed, to not go for what she wants or communicate about it, and so forth.

Sexual liberation is good, especially if the woman isn't afraid to be kinky, adventurous, and knows what she wants. But it isn't so good if she has poor willpower or breaks her values (fidelity and loyalty) due to a fickle and hedonistic nature.

So is it ruining future relationships? Maybe. The reason I say this is because relationships aren't always about instant gratification, aren't all fun and games, eventually lose some of the spark, etc. and if a woman's ability to get laid on the regular gives the tendency to be bored or disenfranchised with monogamy or with her partner, it could lead to a very heartbroken (and cuckolded) man. Don't believe me? Look at the divorce statistics and how it is the woman who usually initiates the divorce after no-fault divorce laws went into place in the 70s. Men tend to get blind-sided by it. Learn about why women resent men and the fact that they fall out of love much easier. There are many reasons for this, but boredom is one of them.

Anonymous · Answer

Sort of but not completely. Some of the onus is on women themselves too.

Yes there is a large subset of men who partake in hookup culture and learn how to seduce and sleep with women. Out of these men there's a certain age where a subset of these men want to settle down and marry (usually when they find a women who's right for them). The rest of these men keep partaking in hookup culture. Not to blame feminism but when feminism sexually liberated women, it did the same for men. So some people will try to shame these men to settle but they won't and you can't blame them for playing the rules that women made.

On the flip side there are guys who don't partake in hook up culture. Some of these guys couldn't get a date to save their lives, (and not all of these guys are repulsive), some of these guys have no interest in dating (some mgtow some not), some of these men are misogynists, the rest of these guys are good (some of these good guys are shy and no shyness doesn't make them any less nice).

For the guys who just don't have good luck with women and aren't misogynists, they just get nowhere even if they are good men. If a woman isn't interested in them there's nothing they can do. This could lead them to lose interest in dating or become mgtow (just because a guy doesn't date doesn't put him on par with mgtow). If dating isn't working out for a guy he might go on to do something he enjoys more or add fulfillment in his life in other ways.

There are a lot of good guys out there, but they're harder to find when a woman doesn't approach men often or rejects guys do to unrealistic standards. these guys move on to find women who want them. So if a women rejects a guy to partake in hook up culture she could have rejected someone good.

A lot of good guys who view sex as a symbol of love do avoid women who sleep around. I personally only have sex within a relationship and with someone I'm very serious about. I don't want o be with a woman who's had a bunch of different men before me because "sex is fun". So yeah hookup culture does ruin relationships for women but then again women are responsible for partaking in hook up culture. By the time they want a good guy a lot of goood guys either isn't as interested in relationships (due to decrease in sex drive or just finding fulfillment elsewhere), have turned into players, or are in a relationship. So the pool shrinks for single good guys looking to date. Though hook up culture does ruin dsting for everyone tbh.

Anonymous · Answer

I blame women. Not trying to troll or be funny. I've been cheated on many times.

All the women that I meet tell me about their sexual past and I am always shocked by the types of shit they do.

-One girl I was dating used to tell about the threesomes she used to engage in and how she used to have unprotected sex often. She told me that her contraception method was the pullout method -_-.

-Another woman told me that she used to fuck college athletes without a condom and she got an STD before.

-Another woman told that she used to sleep with her male friends.

They all eventually cheated on me. Point is, women talk about not being able to find a relationship... but in their 20s, they sit up partying, drinking, smoking, fucking, not taking care of their bodies and then when they hit their 30s and want to settle down, most men aren't looking at them anymore.

I'm 26 and I see 3 types of women:

1. Young single mom

2. Party girl who fucks everything

3. Career woman who takes her job wayyyyyy to seriously and thinks all men that approach her are beneath her.

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Zer0Ghost · Answer

Let's go over everything wrong. There is no hookup culture, by that I mean people are getting married later or not at all but staying together and the divorce rate is actually down.

Media acknowledgement of alternative lifestyles looks like encouragement when the only acceptable norm up until recently was "stay a virgin until you're married or you're used up, worthless, and a whore" or that message has been all you've known and just don't like the alternatives.

"Without thinking of the future" is loaded towards thinking men are all male counterparts to your viewpoint, and yes, in those men who think how many partners you've had has any-fucking-thing to do with how you should be valued, like he's making a fucking car purchase, probably aren't going to be interested. Those men also get tilted any time a woman does anything non-traditional, to the point of domestic assault or threatening divorce but moving on.

Some do have sex exclusively for their esteem, but for those who aren't there is nothing wrong with being desired or the pillow dance making someone feel good about themselves. If you want an object to blame for low self-esteem, take a look at the increasing bombardment of acceptable body type images, there's something you can blame mass media for. Or the fact that our generation was given a dopamine producing selfie machines that fit in the palm of our hand, that the prior generation never had anything close for comparison to teach us responsible use so we had to teach ourselves.

And yeah I'll throw in an anecdote, my partner of 2 and a half years, who I have every intention of marrying, started at 14. She the most loyal, mature, cheerful partner a person could ask for, and for me to judge her based on what she did as a teen as I stare at the adult would be asinine.

Just slap a note on the question that reads "non-traditional relationships suck", christ

Cammy137 · Answer

First of all, what you refer to hoom-up culture is something that is completely natural and happens all around that world. The only difference being that due to advancements in technology it's now a more obvious part of our lives with apps and such playing a role. Secondly, if women don't want to have casual sex, they don't have to. Your point about it not being good for them is moronic as sex is mentally and physically speaking a healthy part of most adults lives. This idea that women (and I notice you only mention women) end up in bad relationships over and over again is just silly. Many people don't find the right partner first time around but this has very little to do with sex. Keeping in mind as well that by your definition of it being part of a "hook-up culture" there shouldn't be many relationships in the first place. My girlfriend and I met through starting out as friends with benefits. Neither of us view casual sex as remotely detrimental and now we are in the healthiest and happiest relationship either of us has been.

What your post seems like is you relaying your experience as if it is true for all women

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Yes it is. It causes a lot of damage, especially for women. Its terrible for men as well, but its worse for women. The problem is most women don't admit to this, they go down this path and convince themselves everything is fine when its not, meanwhile the guys think that its just a good time so they don't think of it being damaging but then as they get older they notice the negative ramifications it has on women so as you said they stay away but the problem is they don't want to change their life style of sleeping around that they have grown accustomed to, so they continue to perpetuate the problem. Its a self feeding cycle, each one adding to it. Women need to one, admit that they are not happy, two not think that a man sleeping with them means the man likes them (it doesn't, a mans sexuality is different then that of a womans) and three they need to hold both themselves accountable but also hold men to the same standards i. e. don't look for a guy who sleeps around. A lot of women are upset because guys don't want women who sleep around but the fact is women can have that same standard and they should because as you pointed out it shows an inability to hold onto a relationship, poor impulse control etc. Its terrible. On the up side the damage has been so sever that now people are starting to wake up but its unfortunately costing us at least a generation of men women and children (children of divorce and single mothers are far more likely to be promiscuis themselves as well as a greater inclination towards criminality etc.)

tarrycat · Answer

Well, I say it depends on the man & which phase he's in. If he's in a phase of only wanting to hook up, then he's the wrong fit for a woman who is wanting to settle down. The problem isn't the men, the problem is that women tend to give themselves to men without the men earning it. They invest all of their emotion in ONE man (a man who is FAR from ready to settle down), & then they wonder why they get their hearts broken.

There are many great men out there, who value devoted relationships & who are in the phase of wanting to settle down, however, they are often not given a chance, because women tend to focus more on men who aren't ready for relationships. How can you truly give other men a chance when you're only focused on ONE?

Eventually, a man will start to realise that all the hookup culture satisfies, is the physical aspect of himself, but he will feel that it cannot satisfy him on an emotional level - perhaps someone close to him passes away, or he experiences some significant event or change, which then shifts his needs to a completely different level, which leads to him wanting more than just sex.

When this happens, he is then the right man to date, given that a woman brings enough value to the table; him too, since it's a two-way street.

Dme500 · Answer

Liberals dont encourage premarital sex, only that the government should mind their business when pertaining to sex.

I dont think its ruining relationships. I think people should stop worring so much about getting married. You can live a happy life with someone without being married. And if you break up, take it like a divorce and find someone else.

Bad relarionships are a personal problem in my opinion. You should be able to tell when a relationship takes a turn for the worst. If he starts hitting her or cheats on her more than once or is verbally abusive then its a bad relationship. Get out.

The dumb sons of bitches that stay away from a woman simply because she likes to have sex, are judgmental pricks who dont have enough confidence in themselves to trust that their woman won't cheat or are too caught up in the old idea that women who sleep around are in someway less than respectable then other women (if not humans).

Basically the hook-up culture isn't the problem, society is. Hook-up culture is just the progression of societal evolution.

Anonymous · Answer

Yea, basically. That's my stance.

I never slept around like that, I don't have an extensive sexual history and would want someone with equal or less sexual experience than myself. Here's a girl whose spent however many years 'having her fun' when I didn't, and probably couldn't, do the same thing only for me to be expected to be ready and waiting to catch her and settle into a comfortable life. No, not going to happen. She's sabotaged potential relationships with most guys, good guys, because with a past like that she's defined anyone she settles down with as second best, a fallback. Not that her interest can't shift toward such guys over the course of her twenties, but it doesn't matter how genuine her love and attraction is to them. What will matter is not just the present, but the past. A lifetime of choices, value judgements that speak of your character. Character that disregarded the value of these guys when they probably wanted affection as well in the past.

Expecting to find a guy to settle with after a life like that is kinda douchey, actually finding one is pretty lucky, and having it last is quite the feat in my opinion.

DonkeyRick69 · Answer

Yes. Plenty of girls turn away good guys while riding the cock carousel while in their prime attractive years 16-30 and when they deceide they are ready to settle down with a good guy they find that all the good guys are taken or are looking for someone younger and without the reputation for promiscuity. I love this youtube clip lol

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

Honestly i think years of promiscuity can damage a woman's outlook on love and the way she treats a man. I know a girl just like this. She sleeps around with just about any man, but is bitter and thinks that all men ain't shit. however she's cheated on every guy she's been with but somehow thinks she deserves to be taken seriously

i just think if you dont respect yourself you can't expect anyone else to. and if you allow men to use you and treat you like shit, you are going to be really bitter when it comes to an actual decent guy. she wants marriage and love but i think she has to change her ways first and become a better woman!

AynonOMouse · Answer

The mostly left media promotes hook ups, drugs, and other immoral actions. They try to make it seem acceptable so more people will do it. And then the good people just think, "Why even try? Everybody's morals are fucked." And just don't bother anymore.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

It's already ruined relationships in general for both. When society becomes so shallow, that all that matters is the next climax, then nobody has room in their hearts for real love. As such, relationships become about the next fix, rather than about lasting value and edification. Everything becomes meaningless.

NotJustAName · Answer

Yes, hookup culture is messing with relationships for BOTH men & women.

While I recognize that in the past, all over the world, when a women slept with someone (even if it's just one person), she'd be branded a whore, slut, trash, etc. Oftentimes, she's killed (even today under Sharia law). While a man could sleep with someone (one person or 20) and he is slapped on the back with a wink and a, "Attaboy!"

That did/does need to be changed. HOWEVER, casual hookups ruin people's idea of real bonding and how to go about that. Now we're left emptier than before.

TheIceCreamQueen · Answer

Yes it's definitely ruining relationships. People don't even know what loyalty, respect and value is anymore.

Rockmantis · Answer

It's not the hookup culture that is the problem. It's how people choose to engage in it that's the problem. It's completely natural that in general, when women are young they want to hook up with lots of guys but then settle down with a reliable guy once they get about 30 or so.

The problem is, many guys feel betrayed to learn their wives or girlfriends had a promiscuous past. So yes, it can cause problems for women if they hope to have serious monogamous relationships in the future.

fabulouspancakes · Answer

Well first of all, "hookup culture" isn't a thing.
http://time.com/88092/hookup-culture-myth-study/
I'm not saying people don't have casual sex, but really millennials aren't hooking up any more than past generations. We are getting married later and might have more boyfriends and girlfriends, but the fact still remains that most people are having sex within relationships.
As for if having a lot of hookups hypothetically ruins future relationships, I'm not so sure about that either. I would guess that people who have lots of hookups might do so because they simply aren't well-suited to relationships to begin with. I don't really buy into the notion that having "lots" (which I've found can range from 3-20+ in people's minds) of former sex partners somehow makes a woman "used up" and unfit for a relationship. It's quite old-fashioned, and not in a good way.

Svennedude2 · Answer

I think it's certainly ruining the prospects of women who want to settle down, down the line. I personally stay away from the party type girl who wants to settle down. Firstly, I wouldn't know if she would be able to abstain from her past promiscuous behavior. Secondly, I'd wonder if she caught any sexual transmitted diseases. Thirdly, it's just not really attractive knowing a person has slept with dozens of men. (I'm sure women feel the same way about such men)

10dsw · Answer

"But I hate it when I see women breaking down emotionally for not being able to find the right guys after years and years of sleeping around, hookups, friends with benefits."

I have noticed this too - one of my hook ups around this time last year broke down to me saying she's so tired of sleeping with random men and it never leading anywhere. I mean I sort of laughed at her (because it's her fault) but a part of me actually felt bad because she was being sincere.

In general I would say yes, the hook up culture is definitely hurting future relationships for women. I even saw something on the news the other day saying that egg freezing is booming in popularity because women can't find men to settle down with

Is the hookup culture ruining future relationships for women?

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