Married male friend ghosted me, why?

[Anonymous]

A married male friend confessed feelings for me. I admitted I have some for him too but we agreed to remain/be friends due to the situation.

At first he asked if things could ever change but I explained that I don’t think it’s healthy to use friendship as a vehicle to sex / a relationship later. I gave an ultimatum; be friends or let’s stop being in contact.

After 2 weeks he contacted me saying he agreed with me, he had thought about it and was very ready to be real friends. Things seemed great, we met for lunch, we laughed like old times!

When we said goodbye, I saw his tenderness in his eyes, he embraced me but I felt his hand tremble. I thought it’s ok…it’s just a temporary nervousness…our old friendship will come back in time.

He wrote to me after lunch: “it was great to see you!” And we chatted a little more.

HOWEVER, since that, poof! He disappeared! He didn’t reply or even read my last message asking how he is and how his work project went.

It has now been 3 weeks. Why has he ghosted me like this? He’s never done this before :(

[SueShe]

I believe your last meeting was the farewell meeting for him. He made up the decision to cut ties with you because he knew that he could never see you the same way again and that being just friends with you would not be sufficient for him.

The fact that his hand trembled would lead me to believe that he was very emotional, perhaps that his voice even broke slightly or that he may have had a tear in his eye.

If this is how I think it was, then let this man go because if you try to contact him again, it will only make it worse for him to try to forget you.

He had the decency no respect your wish so have the same courtesy to respect his silence. Although I personally believe that he should have been honest enough to tell you in your face that he will cut ties with you rather than just to ghost you.

[Asker]

Thank you for this perspective. I hadn’t thought he would find this so difficult. I didn’t see tears in his eyes but it did strike me as strange that he held me so tight. I interpreted it as happiness that we had salvaged a friendship but maybe it was, as you suggest, a goodbye.

[Guy13]

If he is married and ghosts you it is probably because he has a crush on you. He probably knows or feels something towards you.
Have you two been flirting at all? Was there an under current of attraction?

[Guy13]

He is probably thinking or knows the following: Whether boyfriend or girlfriend we are drawn towards people we like. Sometimes it is mental…physical…emotional. Sometimes it is all three. We call these people friends. I know he was fond of you.

I’m living it…she is 25…soccer Mom…newly married…was fiend since 17. In the last year, she cut me off completely.
It’s weird…I respect her. “Love her” more now than ever 🙃. She has what I want, values it, and protected like Momma lion. That’s just my 10 cents 😎

I bet you are more

[Iron_Man]

Because he’s married stay away from married man he shouldn’t be fooling around anyway

[Asker]

But we are just friends and have been for years. That’s why I’m so confused.

[Iron_Man]

When you’re having feelings involved it’s not friendship

[In_Trance]

clearly men and women can't be friends

[KrakenAttackin]

Maybe wifey saw your texts.

[Anonymous]

You can't rely on married men.