Do you think, based on our second date, I should continue spending time with this person as friends or anything at all (part 5) ?

[VIVANT]

1 🤔 while you were single, were you still having sex?

2 OK sooo I do have friends with which there is a mutual attraction but where neither of us see a relationship working out and sometimes we “spend time together.”

1 So would you let me know if you were still “spending time together” if I decided I was ready to date (in future)

2 wouldn’t be “spending time together”

with them if You told me you wanted to date me.🙂

🤨 Well, what if I (in future) decided to date but I am not “ready to spend time together” ?

(SEX y’all we mean sex. In case anyone didn’t catch it. “Spending time together” was the euphemism P 1 originally used for banging his friends, & I was repeating for consistency)

2 If I have a reason to wait, I can wait. But we don’t really have to worry about that at this point.

1 🤨🧐😐 Wait so then why did you go through all that stuff in the first place about how you hope you can marry while your grandparents are still here. You seem fairly casual so I don’t see why you felt the need to mention it. I wouldn’t have even been concerned about any of this 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 Well honestly they are relatively young so they have time. And while I really mean it I also do not believe in forcing things… So I am hopeful but careful.

1 Ok

2 Ok

2 … So… what now 😐

1 I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️ 👀

(Quiet for a long time)

2 Are you ready to go home? I will walk you. You are welcome to stay but it’s a bit late. I know you get up early af)

(So he walks me 🏡 I was quiet during)

2 OK so no kiss but Can I hug you😁?

1 hmm OK. maybe. ok NO. OK. 🤔

2 Are you sure? 👀

1 I think so? I don't know. nvm. Well, Uhh — maybe next time. Sorry not feeling it atm. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 It’s OK. 😌

(He buttoned my top coat buttons which was a bit weird 👀 but I guess it’s something to do I don't know)

2 You will be at your tree 🌲 tomorrow?

1 Yeah… 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 See you on my way to work. You can tell me If you want to hang out / when you want to, yeah?

So we said good night. 🌚

Internet pic

Yes but be cautious

No

I don't know

Other

Yes but def don’t date him

Updates

1 y

5 parts. I would prefer to use same exact title then added part 12345, however gag does not allow this. I understand it was just awkward bc I only had 1 question for a 12,000 character conversation.

The 1 question is basically “what do you think”? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My friend thought boy was a liar.

I initially thought convo went OK. Now I think -In trying to not say nothing as I normally tend to- I said WAY too much and I need some space. Not his fault 😂

Updates

1 y

#1. Do you think he is manipulative or an honest/genuine person (Please resist the temptation to assume what I think. Just give me your opinion 😂 🙏🏼)? ↗

#2. Do you think he was being honest on our second date (part 2)? ↗

#3. Do you think based on these (soon to be) 5 posts, he was being dishonest on our second date (part 3)? ↗

#5. Based on these five most recent ‘second date’ posts: Do you think he was behaving trustworthy or un trustworthy on our second date (part4) ? ↗

Link Consolidation ⬆️

[ZackBan]

Well I've been away for a minute but you've been busy.
I read all 5 parts and got the main point here.

I think you're dealing with someone who isn't too experienced and thus fairly eager but also not naturally good at running dates.
And as you are a beginner yourself you're involuntarily creating an awkward situation that requires someone who is at ease with themselves to deal with.

By that I mean, when you tell a guy "you can't kiss me" he will naturally start to read into it. "Is she not into me? Did I mess up? Is she testing to see if I do it? Does she want it? Did I fail to get her to like me? ..."
And then no answer is the correct one.

I don't think he's manipulative or a bad person judging by what I know but I do think someone with more experience is better for you since you're a beginner yourself.

Still you took the first step and put yourself out there and that is amazing.
If or not you wanna give this guy another shot is up to you.

[VIVANT]

“ Well I've been away for a minute but you've been busy. ”

😂 you crack me up

But yeah it’s a mess and I don't know I think I was having a conversation with myself and he was there and it’s weird. In retrospect I’d have sone it differently I guess next time I will. It is an improvement compared to saying nothing but I gotta reel it in 😂 altho I had the advantage of element of stories it’s hard to make things up when you’re caught off guard even tho I wasn’t trying to do that. And I guess at sone point surprise just creates confusion. Fun times 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

[ZackBan]

You're a very genuine person and if he's smart he'd recognize that.
But that's exactly why I'm saying your lack of experience and his cluelessness won't mix in the long run. Still if you're intl him it's worth it to keep trying

[VIVANT]

Yeah I see your point. Inexperience and cluelessness don’t really last forever but in the interim…😂

I don't know if he’s clueless I don't know want He is tho yeah I abs the impression he was trying to come off as more Worldly. I don’t have a ton of relationship experience but I’m no dope lol

Anyhow I’m not in any kind of a rush. We can talk periodically. See how it goes…

[Jamie05rhs]

"but I do think someone with more experience is better for you since you're a beginner yourself."

@ZackBan I disagree. She's worried about being manipulated. So it's better in her case to be on a level playing field.

Who cares if it's awkward in the beginning? That's part of the whole fun of the experience. It's two people learning each other.

[ZackBan]

I get your point. But someone who's a beginner is just as likely to be manipulative in fact more so in some cases.
I remember in my earler days I was very eager and wanted to experience everything. Now I was always careful not to make promises or lie to any woman but still my lack of experience did not translate to innocence.

An even playing field is not a bad thing. But it also means they might break eachother's hearts became neither one knows better

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZackBan Hmm. So you were an eager beaver, eh? Lol. Sounds like the opposite of me- haha. I'm a "No" Man. 😅

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs
@ZackBan

Alright alright calm down loli no one’s breaking anything 😅

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol.

[zeitgeist057]

You both seem extremely awkward but genuine.

As for "should (you) continue spending time with this person" I would ask you if you want to. I have a totally different set of values and vibe check and tbh if these were my conversations with someone I would think it's not really very interesting or engaging. I might spend more time with them just to be friends and see how things go, but it would be platonic due to the vibe being completely unromantic and sterile.

But there's a lot that can be going on with body language or maybe this wasn't the whole conversation just the parts you wanted to convey to us here on GaG. I would say how do you feel? Are you excited to see this person? Do you feel interested? Engaged? If not, then I don't see the point really.

The other thing I don't see the point of or don't care about that much is the whole "is he lying, is he being honest, is he being dishonest?" People will be what they are and if they are any good at being deceptive the whole point is not being able to tell. If you can't tell with all the extra body language and non-verbal cues, how on Earth are your Gag buddies supposed to be able to tell given just the text transcript of the convo info? It's not realistic for us to have a good idea. But I will say, at least for me in relationships, I tend to trust the other person and just assume they are honest. If they aren't, then I will figure it out sooner or later and maybe I wasted some of my time and energy, but that's fine I have lots of energy and I don't mind spending my time learning a little more about life.

From the transcript, I don't see any out of the ordinary manipulation. It's normal for people to be putting best foot forward, being accommodating, etc. which is all I see.

[Jamie05rhs]

@zeitgeist057 I COMPLETELY disagree with you. LOL. I think the conversation was very pithy and mentally engaging!

[Jamie05rhs]

The vibe isn't SUPPOSED to be romantic until after you've sorted out the business issues.
No need to get emotions involved when you don't even know if you're compatible or not.

[Jamie05rhs]

(I do kind of agree with what you said after that, though.)

[zeitgeist057]

@Jamie05rhs we must just be reading it differently. I thought it rather basic: "Are you banging other people? Yeah, maybe here and there. I don't want to date you if you're basing other people. Okay well I won't bang other people if we're dating. hmmm okay. okay. . Do you want to go home now? okay. okay."

@VIVANT herself states, "I think I was having a conversation with myself and he was there and it’s weird..."

I also disagree about things being romantic after sorting out business. It's 95% the other way round for me, usually diving in headfirst based on attraction and sorting it out later, but your way sounds very logical and businesslike. My romantic engagements are less businesslike, and more romantic. In fact, I would go so far as to say the definition of romance has a connotation of things left to be discovered, things unsaid and left to imagination. When most people list romantic things, like moonlight, candles, or flirting, there is an element of the unknown ("does she like me or not?"). Candle and moonlight are soft and blur the edges of what you see, it's not a direct, harsh, exposing type of light.

[Jamie05rhs]

@zeitgeist057 Yeah; we're DEFINITELY opposites!!

But to each their own... 🤷. lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Candlelight is just called "mood lighting.". Lol

People do romantic things when they FEEL "In Love."
You can't feel In Love unless you trust the situation. You can't trust the situation unless you've discussed it.

[VIVANT]

I think you are both saying very valid things. I think my peeps out is probably closer to Jamie so for me I do not WANT excitement or romance when I didn’t cen know if I’m going to spend time with someone. even once I decide to date still just gathering data and getting physically comfortable around them which can take months or longer.

So for me I prefer friends first but It isn’t really about being friends first per se, just by default gives more time to adjust. I need a lot of time.

I know most people really don’t want to use up all that time & I don’t expect it. That’s why I don’t like being asked out bc I need a ton of time if I don't know them & most get frustrated….

I have known kaleidoscope a few years as acquaintances and it started SLOW. By the time I ashes him if he wanted to hang out I was used to him as a person tho I know nothing about him as a bc. so I’m just getting to know him.

But yeah I do not want any excitement lol if I’ve already ashes someone out I know I’m curious to get to know them more, so anything more than just being normal, is overkill.

I think I depart from both of your perspectives by the end lol

Thanks! 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, @VIVANT! :)

[zeitgeist057]

@Jamie05rhs I think you hit on something when you said "You can't feel In Love unless you trust the situation. you can't trust the situation unless you've discussed it." <--- I agree that you can't feel in love unless you'r relaxed and comfortable, but I'm generally naturally relaxed and comfortable with people I don't know, in strange situations, without needing to discuss anything with anyone. Discussion just makes me more or less engaged and interested. I come with my own comfort level, and of course it's not impossible to make me feel uncomfortable, but a person more or less has to be actively hostile for me to feel that (and even some hostile people don't faze my comfort level).

It's starting to coalesce here for me these perspectives. Some people need more time and space and/or discussion in order to relax and get into that relaxed trusting space that comes a bit more quickly and easily for me. It makes total sense, we've all got different life experiences that color the way we approach the world.

Thank both of you for these perspectives, it's great to learn more about how others are approaching the world and what happens for them internally in similar situations. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

@zeitgeist057 Cheers! :)

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs
@zeitgeist057

🍻 🥂!!

[loveslongnails]

Gotta love euphemisms, huh? LOL The whole conversation sounds a bit awkward, or maybe you two are trying to be polite? I think the language needs to be more direct.

You said "if I was ready to date (you) in the future...", but what you mean is "if I want to be exclusive", correct? As of now, you're not, it's just date #2. So, the reality is he's fucking other girls casually right now and will continue to do so unless the two of you agree to be exclusive, or at least that's his statement.

You ask "do I think he's being honest about that?" How would I know if that's actually true based on this little information? The only thing I can offer is - how sincerely "into you" does he seem to be, or are you just an "either/or" option? By that I mean, either you will decide you want more of him, OR you won't, and he will act accordingly at the time of your decision.

It sounds like he's going to hold on to his friends with benefits until you gave him reason not to. My "suspicion" is that if that "reason" did not include sex fairly soon after you dated him more frequently, he'd be gone.

[VIVANT]

The questions are really just there bc I have to put it in Q form. And my friend thought he was a liar. I don’t really know what I think but I’m not too concerned, just curious.

I Wouldn’t date at all casually or otherwise bc if you end up even kissing snd they are f’cking other people that is gross to me. So no I didn’t mean exclusive but I guess there’s no other way to be if I wouldn’t date someone who was doing friends with benefits

Really I just asked him to hang out bc I’ve known him a long time & he was acting odd so i figured he doesn’t want to hang out anymore or he dies “more”

I I didn’t expect him to say yes. He did. Then he was talking about his life plans and I was worried I was in his way bc I don’t have the sane plans. That’s how this convo started. But it turns out he is pretty casual 🤷🏻‍♀️ actually to the other extreme 😂

And yeah it seemed fairly well implied that not dating is not not mean no sex so I imagine dating wouldn’t hold much value to him without sex. Tho I did say I don’t rush it so I don't know

Ritter watch I’ll just l keep it as is for now bc

[VIVANT]

Either way*

[lightbulb27]

yes, he sounds ok to me from what I read and I don't think he's being honest about what he's doing with these other girls. I doubt he's very experienced.

I'd just look at it as, at this time in history and life, you each have something to offer each other and you should explore that. find out what you can learn about him and yourself and what value you can offer one another and enjoy the company.

I can't believe you said "caution" beause you are already like your heels are dug into the dirt and being dragged but you want to go.

This is not a logical thing, intimacy and love and attraction is emotional. you have to let it go and let it happen. you'd be confusing person to try to date and he is... challenged.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I mentioned below I did have the impression he was trying to appear more “worldly” which was awkward lol and I think he’d be less twitchy if he was more used to being with “all those people”

but I mean it’s not big deal. I’ll continue spending time with him. Moodily things go back to normal.

I think one thing is we both kind of were really weird at diff times diff convos and it didn’t freak anyone out so that’s a plus bc life is messy. And I do know we get along ok normally so maybe we have knowledge it’s ok to mess up but also we know we can be normal 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

I think that you could POSSIBLY be at a crossroads. However, I wouldn't necessarily tell you to cut things off immediately. I believe in closure, and I don't believe in acting impulsively or making decisions prematurely (even if they might be the right decision.) I personally would rather be 100% sure. That's why I maintain an open mind until the very end.

So what I would do in this situation is to go out one more time. Think ahead before the date and write down all of the questions that you want to ask him. Then go out with him and have a good talk. Then wish each other a friendly goodnight and go home to your quiet place and ponder everything and really think about the situation and how things have played out so far and how you feel about it.

Then you can make a decision (if you feel like that is the point for a decision to be made.). ... Or you can wait longer and give it more time.

[Jamie05rhs]

(Of course, I do realize that dating is different for women than it is for men. And you have the safety factor that you have to worry about. So if you don't feel safe meeting him again, then you don't have to.)

[VIVANT]

Thank you Janie. I think I have decided I’m not ready to date atm I have some unresolved issues & he seems ok where he is at. I think for now, we can be friends😊

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Okay; cool. No problem. :)

[VIVANT]

Jamie *

😊😊

[Havthrills]

I didn't see a real "yes" option. There's only "be cautious" and "don't date" to me seem the same thing. Lol. Anyway, he sounds like he likes you and wants to date. He will even wait for sex which is kind of funny it was brought up. He wants to know you a little more but it's up to you.

[VIVANT]

That was a bit odd bc he used having feb as an example of not being in a rush to date 😂 when what basically Maura dating dating us sex. So yeah he implied yes wait but I think that’s the part that see he’s sketchy I Mean I don't know there’s no rush bc he’s fine where he is so if I can sort it out over time 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Havthrills]

If you don't want to rush then don't. He said he will wait for you if you were his girlfriend. He seemed sketchy because it sounds like he has had sex and was unsure how you would feel about it. Since you're not a couple, he is unsure what to do now. He likes you but doesn't want to push you. So again, it's all up to you now. Be his girlfriend or just see him once in a while and say hi.

[VIVANT]

lol yeah I hear you. I think no one knows what to do we had a 3 month tier level convo on second meet up 👻

[Havthrills]

Lol. He knows what to do. Sounds like you are unsure of what you want or scared. He wanted to kiss or at least hug, but you said no. He wants to know you more and possibly be your boyfriend, but he's going to have to wait.

[scooogy]

I seem to be in a similar situation as that guy, except for not dating her. I just keep on wondering how things might have gone if I wouldn't have spent like 1.5 years on starting into a job after college. All I know is that from graduation on she seemed sick of waiting for me. I would date her only if she would leave her "boyfriend" (rather fuck toy) because she would face that she isn't happy with him (as she sounds lately).

So what would you assume to motivate him for something serious with you?

[scooogy]

@JosyJosy @Apple1996 @Jessica405

[Sevenpointfive]

i don't think you're serious about knowing what you are getting into. you play the i don't want a relationship card and yet you don't want sex which makes it awkward.

that's called friendship

[VIVANT]

Yeah lol He’s having sex with prior I asked he said yeah 😂

that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with him tho 🤷🏻‍♀️😊

[Lliam]

Sure, why not? How could it be bad to hang out and chat and do things with a friend? It's good mental and emotional exercise. :-)

[VIVANT]

Yeah mostly I needed a question title & I had used up all the do you think he’s trustworthy honest lying etc etc had to switch it up for posting purposes 😁😁

It is good exercise. Really the reason I asked him out was just curiosity dnd bc we hang out a lot anyhow snd he was acting odd so I figured yea acting weird bc he doesn’t want to hang out anymore but doesn’t want to say OR he does want to hang out- more. As for the rest I’m winging it —but trying to be present which I’m historically terrible at.

The main glitch is I hadn’t really expected him to say yes abs had no idea of what to do if. So just that’s where I am at 😂

[TallAnon]

Probably not, don't think you two match.
He basically said "I have casual sex with people and will continue to do so until you have sex with me instead". He was just beating around the bush about it.

[VIVANT]

Yeah as I says since it was odd he was using having friends with benefits as an illustration of a dating hiatus when the thing I didn’t want to rush was sex specifically 😆

But he was fairly honest credit where it’s due 🤓

[Anonymous]

I think the ball is completely in your court on this. I think it just comes down whether 1. you believe he's comfortable with just being your friend. 2. That you think his friendship is worth the occasional anxiety it might bring you.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

why are you using a picture of friends here?

[VIVANT]

Bc “FRIENDS” lol that was the question 😊

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

nope

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes but be cautious

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT Give yourself space if you are not use to meeting or hanging out with a guy

[Anonymous]

Vivant why so much drama?

[VIVANT]

A friend of mine was convinced there was all this lying and manipulation. He was sure everyone else would see it too. I didn’t see it so I posted the entire convo to see others reactions but gag forces diff let you asked question for each post to go through

It’s not actually a big deal to me I was just curious and it only seems that’ way bc of how I had to post it in succession and with questions 😊

[Opinion Owner]

Vivant

[pizzalovershouse]

Yes keep it friends

[Anonymous]

no i wouldn't