Search Results: depressed

I tend to find a lot of people irritating therefore avoid them. I think people can tell when I don’t want them around me.. I hate it when strangers come into my personal space, touch me or if I can smell their bad breath or hygiene issues. I think I have more of an issue with this than most people do.
I also don’t see much point in talking to someone unless I can get something out of them or I really enjoy their company like I find them interesting etc. Whenever I’ve had friends, I’ve noticed I drink too much at the pub and completely dominate the conversations, I like the attention all on me.
I always feel sort of numb, bored or maybe depressed. but I also ruminate and stress very easily, leading me to feel like I have to control situations or avoid them. If I have to work in group activities at university, I zone out and can’t concentrate because I find it overwhelming and don’t see the point of contributing unless I’m the leader however I’d still much rather sit back and do nothing or just do what I’m told to do etc. I used to get very good grades at school without much effort… now I’m struggling and scraping by with passes at uni because of poor time management and having random special interests distracting me.

I also feel the need to be somehow better than others.. this is why I like being a musician… a lot of the people on my uni course can’t play their instruments that well and I feel superior to them because of that.. however I feel upset if they do better than me in assessments. I also get massive anxiety if I feel like I won’t perform well, but if I know my parts well I get a bit egotistical … even as a kid I loved the attention from performing and playing instruments. I also love getting positive attention from lecturers and even seduced one and had sex with them to sort of “test” if I could win him over, but at the same time I was also very infatuated with him for no logical reason at all. I think I wanted to see how far he would go with me.

So I am in an exklusive dating with a guy who is 30 and I am 22. We ve been dating since October 2024.

I feel like there are some issues between us and also there are some problems on my part that I feel like may cause this relationship to end.

A month ago, I asked how he feels about me and if we could be girlfriend and boyfriend, but he said he is not read.

He says he likes me, and we do go on some dates every time we meet. But I feel like he is mostly interested in sex. Why do things that are done in a relationship but not want to have a relationship? Is it commitment issues or he just doesn't love me?

by the way we live in different cities so we visit each other. Like taking turns.

I want to love and to be loved deeply, but I feel like he does not love me and my feeling for him are decreasing, maybe because I am dissapointed. And for me, feelings is what makes me continue a relationship, which mean it's more important for me than sex.

I feel so insecure because of a lot of things

- that he does not show enough care. For example when he talks about his problems, I pay attention, care for him and solve them together. But when I talk about my problems, he just say it's gonna be alright and good night. No more comfort/care or whatever.

- he forgot my birthday

- I feel like he just is dating me as a second option just because other girls have not chosen him

- that my university grades are not so great right now and my family use me now and then.

- a lot of things has happened lately that makes me question myself, my relationship and my family. I see negativity more that positivity. I don't know if I am starting to become depressed.

I am a bit naive I guess.

I am thinking if I should break up with him because I don't feel loved the way I want or if I just should wait and see how it goes first and then decide.

I am also tired of dating and relationship that waste my time and feelings. I am tired of being used just for being kind. People treat me as an idiot and naive.