Search Results: keep trying to get him back

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found

Long story short, we matched & spoke for a few wks on bumble a few months ago. He asked to meet up, the times he gave weren’t working & I was new at a job/stressed at the time. He follows up again during this time & I didn’t follow through, flash fwd to a little over a month ago & I regretted not meeting up. I sent him a well thought message & he never replied so I assumed he wasn’t interested. Last wk, we end up matching on another app & I was shocked. He msgs me saying he remembers me & I told him I tried reaching out recently but apparently he didn’t know bc he hasn’t checked bumble in a while.

We’ve sent a few msgs everyday since EXCEPT this Mon, I reply to his message from Sun night Mon evening & he didn’t reply until Tues morning. He apologized & said he had a long night…I try to not be clingy but always thought it’s expected you should message matches daily. Personally, I only send 1 message a day or every other day/every few days when it’s very early on, might change to 1-2 per day if the convo is going in the right direction (when it’s just on the app & before sharing #s). I just thought the guy might take more…initiative. Is it a sign they’re not interested if they don’t message daily? We’re still only msging on the app but it can be exhausting checking often. Last thing I’ll add is he reached out Sun night asking for my sched this week to see when I’m avail to meet up. I asked if weekends work & he said he needs to confirm if he’s still scheduled to visit his parents & will get back to me/will try to keep that day open.