Search Results: did he break up for good

Me and my friend have had similar age preferences for years and that was to stick to men our age. I’m 40, she’s 39. People have been telling us for years to date men who were several years older than us. This includes our parents, aunts and uncles, each other’s parents, family friends, church members, etc. she’s even had friends our own age tell her that she should be dating older men (or so she says). I decided to give it try last spring after my same age boyfriend who had two kids and massive debt dumped me for being “too good” for him (I supported his broke ass financially), and I can say my luck changed drastically. Current guy is 55 years old and we both agreed we’re stuck with each other. At the end of summer, I had a party and invited my friend (recently heartbroken about being dumped but a guy our age for a younger girl), my boyfriend, all of his friends and all of their wives LOVED her. Every one of them and myself all thought she was perfect for a friend of theirs who was looking for someone just like her, so we agree to try to fix them up (the friend had met her once before at a charity event we were working). BF’s friend is also 55, retired, financially secure, gets a pension every month, good Christian, still works part time, has his house paid off and is looking for a woman to spoil rotten. So we pitch the idea to his friend, and the friend’s response is “that girl is a catch! She’s a nice girl with a good heart, she’s doing something with her life and she’s ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! Yes, please fix me up with her.” I mention it to her and try to convince her to no avail, she won’t date him just because he’s 16 years older than her. I told her she needs to be dating men in their 50’s and early 60’s, not our age. She said NEVER. I told her then that she’s a stubborn asshole who’s throwing away a good guy. Opinions? I want to show this to her to make her realize this is true. Women have been marrying older men for years so it clearly works.

So, I'm quite sensitive when it comes to touch & my boyfriend of more than 2 years is more on the other end of the spectrum. When he's sober, we arrange this well & are both happy, except for the occasional reminder for him to not break my neck when bear hugging me.

I want to clarify, he is a very kind soul, just clumsy, so it's always good intentions from him! But sometimes he accidently hurts me, which annoys me if it's too frequent & that's case when he's drunk. The more drunk/drugged, the worse it gets, as you simply loose control over your body. He tries super hard to give me my space & be veeery careful touching me then, but it's just not working. I'm kind of conditioned at this point that when he comes close to me drunk, he'll likely step on my foot/squeeze me too hard/poke his nose in my eye/get his fingers stuck in my hair, so I tense up as soon as he comes near me in that state. The worst part is that he's especially vulnerable & affectionate when drunk, but I just have to defend my space & tell him off & he can tell I'm not fond of him, which hurts him a lot.

I tried to avoid his drunk/drugged persona (he knows all of this, we communicate about it), but I also don't wanna miss all fun evenings with our friends. Moreover, it's a part of him (which he does not want to give up in this part of his life) and so I sometimes want to be with him in that state too. But it often ends in him being hurt & in a bad mood the next day, trying to recover from the rejections of the previous night and then he's the one needing his space, so I can't hug or kiss him to show him affection then, or to say sorry.

I know the most obvious solution is for me to avoid him in that state. But I wonder if anyone else made such experiences & whether you think this makes us a bad match/myself kind of a bad girlfriend, at least for him, that I can't deal with this? It hurts me a lot to hurt him and I hate myself in those moments for being so mean, I just don't know another way.