Search Results: awkward with friend

Throughout my life I have had great difficulty connecting with people. Platonically or otherwise. I have only ever had a small number of friends and never really had any friends of the opposite sex. My family is great and I love them, but I even have trouble connecting with them and am not in touch consistently. I barely made a social media this year and it's private followed only by family and a couple random people from work. Being alone is depressing sometimes, but overall I tend to prefer solitude and cannot imagine ever sharing my personal space closely with another human being. Especially since my mother passed a couple years ago. I believe most of the reason for this difficulty is due to being physically unattractive, maybe even genuinely ugly as well as being extremely socially awkward which is another form of ugliness that people tend to loath. I'm extremely skinny too and cannot gain weight, it's impossible for my acutely ectomorphic body type. Especially after getting a very late in life (age 30) type 1 diabetes diagnosis. I have tried many times and many ways throughout my life and wether I eat 1500 calories or 5k, my body barely changes at all. Only my energy level. Feels like being alone is my destiny and was always meant to be. I am positive most people could not handle the life I live. Not mentally or emotionally so it feels like I was born for this existence only.