"Just be yourself" what the hell does that mean?

[DMC93]

I dont know how many times I've heard this cliché that it still pisses me off to this very day. Just the night before New Year's Eve, I couldn't sleep and ended up going to bed at 2am, it frustrated me so. It seems like such a convoluted and vague saying. here's my story: Im 30 years old and live on my own, mostly introverted and quiet in social situations. When I am actually in social settings that saying "just be yourself" suddenly pops into my head and just causes me to overthink more (even my science professor once brought up the fact that I overthink). I can talk fine and usually am friendly, but im in my head a lot around big groups and tend to freeze up even when there IS something id like to say.

How is one supposed to "just be themselves" if they end up feeling anxious? Does "just be yourself" mean "just be the quiet, anxious, socially awkward person in the crowd and someone will randomly notice and start talking to you"? It sounds like its saying "dont change, dont do anything but sit there and stare into the abyss, just do nothing and watch your life fly by and regret in your 40s what you could've had in your teens and 20s". What if, hypothetically, you're a socially inept person with no social life, should you "just be that"? Is that going to make something random, serendipitous, out of the blue happen? Is someone spontaneously going to find that attractive? Are people going to "gravitate" toward you like magic, whether it's friends or partners? Oh just be yourself and someone will come along. Yeah SURE. And im sure Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, and even Hitler were all "just being themselves", right?

[Anonymous]

You can't. Dating is dead, at least in the USA it is. I'll give you a prime example. I belong a National Parks Traveler group on FB. 5 mins ago, I saw a post from a female in her 20's who's been to National Parks in Colorado but this is her first time solo, and its headlined "Safety tips?" So of course, I'm assuming it's because of the rugged wilderness she'll be going into, which I've spent time in. BUT... she immediately goes into how she wants to be ON GUARD AT ALL TIMES FOR CREEPS AND UNWANTED PEOPLE... and how she also "doesn't want to be unfriendly to everyone though"... so she's "bought a taser and hopes she can get to it in time." I clicked on her profile because I had a BIG suspicion. Yep, I was right. Oh so open minded liberal female from... South Lake Tahoe, CA who now resides in Boulder, Co. 2 of the wealthiest exclusive areas in the entire nation, and SHE'S SCARED SHITLESS OF HUMAN CONTACT?👀👀👀So... she's going to be walking around a National Park, bug eyed, twitching her trigger finger on her taser at any human contact like a trigger happy cop... in a National Park full of 13,000 foot mountains in the winter?🙄THIS is the "dating pool" coming out of colleges now, and if that's not the pure definition of brain dead, naivete and paranoia, I don't know what is. How can you "be yourself" around THAT? You won't be a perp... you'll be a VICTIM. Best to just stay away and let them enjoy their paranoid delusions.

[SotiCoto]

Okay, I'll try to answer this sincerely rather than being a snarky bastard like usual:

It means that if you're genuinely trying to get into a relationship with someone, that it would be an insanely bad idea to misrepresent yourself, as you'd then have to keep up the act for the entire time you're with that someone. If you have to ask "What should I do", that suggests you plan on doing things you normally don't, or wouldn't... which you would then have to keep on doing even when it doesn't come naturally to you.
"Be yourself" basically just means to not put on any sort of act whatsoever, EVEN if you think it is off-putting... because if she doesn't like you the way you normally are then it isn't going to work out anyway because you can't fake your entire existence.

Got it?

[flowerlili]

"Just be yourself" is often about embracing your authentic self, but it doesn't mean staying stagnant. It's more about being genuine and pursuing things that align with your interests and values. If you feel anxious, it's okay to work on personal growth and address those feelings. Building connections takes effort, and being proactive in social situations can make a difference. It's not about waiting for things to happen magically. Remember, your uniqueness has value, and by taking steps to enhance your well-being, you can create meaningful connections. If you ever need support or advice, I'm here for you.

[DMC93]

Im still an introvert at heart so I accept not being the life of the party, and why should I be?

[DMC93]

Here's a good example: I was watching an old interview with Kristen Stewart and she's always feeling nervous (ie playing with her air and sometimes she can't make eye contact). Is she "being herself"? same goes for Aubrey Plaza with her awkward body language and tone

[flowerlili]

Absolutely, being true to yourself is key. Many successful individuals, like Kristen Stewart and Aubrey Plaza, embrace their authentic selves, quirks and all. It's okay not to conform to societal expectations, and introversion is a valid part of who you are.

[DMC93]

Ok, so you accept/embrace yourself? Now what? You just surrender like Napoleon or try to work around it?

[IslaTheWitch]

You have issues, and you know them. To be yourself, you have to address them first. Being introverted shouldn't make you freeze in social situations.

So, stop focusing on a few words and start addressing and solving the issues that are real problems for you. It will help you much more

[dynamicyandere]

Without context, those words may be misleading.


A more applicable mantra would perhaps be:


“Don’t be fake.”


“Don’t be disingenuous.”


“Be open and honest about who you are.”

[dynamicyandere]

When we show authenticity, it helps build trust and connection.

There’s a sense of sincerity that people can feel.

Even if someone is socially awkward or anxious, if they are sincere and authentic and vulnerable about who they truly are, people respect that open honesty.

[dynamicyandere]

Everyone should work on bettering themselves.

The only way to reliably better one’s life is to better one’s self.

However, during that journey of becoming the best version of oneself, one should also be open and honest about who they are and where they’re at.

[OlderAndWiser]

People who say this mean, "Stop worrying about what other people might be thinking and do whatever the hell you want to do."

[imtiaz45]

"Just be yourself" is advice often given to encourage authenticity and genuine expression. It implies embracing your true personality, values, and quirks without pretense or conforming to others' expectations. It suggests that authenticity fosters more meaningful connections and personal satisfaction. However, interpreting this advice can be subjective, as individuals may grapple with self-discovery or societal pressures. It encourages self-acceptance and confidence in one's identity. While seemingly simple, it recognizes the complexity of human nature. Ultimately, it encourages embracing your unique qualities rather than adopting a fa cade, promoting more authentic interactions and relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yLo1XQNXFOw

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[Anonymous]

In crowds, you give quick comments and don't do like a 1-to-1 wwhere you can easily take 2-5 or even more time just you speaking, then their turn.. etc.

Whatever quick piece of information you have, state it calmly and remain silent again calmly as well.
If someone has more to add, they'll do what you did to what you said, or if someone is interested they'll ask.

And probably if not most of the time, they'll give that (aha nod) and stay silent for few seconds until the next one states the next statement of fact or question or comment.. etc.

You may give longer and detailed answers only if asked to ellaborate or you know yourself being an expert and see this has to be said. Otherwise, totally normal to remain silent and listen, while giving quick comments or so every while when you feel it.

[Opinion Owner]

As for "Be yourself" then that would mean that your perspective and way of speech shouldn't be pretended as to gain audience acceptance, but that of what you truly believe. Even if it was superficial, or a simple question, or probably a disagreement. Just make them short and direct to the point as mentioned, and that'll just be fine. If what you said was shorted, they'll ask you to repeat, just like how you'd ask if they weren't clear enough.

[JacobJordan]

Be yourself means don't pretend you are something you are not. If you are a relaxed and studious individual who enjoys books, movies and learning things. Talk about it because that is who you are. If you are an outgoing, open, outdoorsy person. Talk about it because that is who you are.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You’re overthinking and being ridiculous about it. Being yourself means being yourself and not putting on a fake mask to impress somebody. Your 30 years old you should know this by now. I know that isn’t the first time you heard that either but you’re obsessing over something that is actually simple and you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
Do you not know who you are? Do you not know what you like? Do you not know your dislikes? Do you know anything about yourself?

[systemsareyo]

Oh it's just something that's easy and simple that I learnt with age. At 29, I no longer feel pressured by the "rat race" to change who I am. That said, if a person doesn't shower, someone needs to tell them they smell. Lol. However I for one realised not so long ago, I'm happy as I am. And I don't mind if I have to remain single. I for one also find life more enjoyable being the odd one out 😀😄🫤😋

[goaded]

Find things you like to do and do them. Don't do things just because other people expect you to.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't try new things, otherwise how do you find out if you like them or not?

[slatyb]

Don't pretend to like things you don't, or vice versa. Don't hide your struggles. We all have them. Basically just let people know you. If you don't, you will never feel loved.

[NathanDavis]

it actually means... the better version of yourself

not the inadequate one

[MissBoogus]

Just be yourself? I’m not sure what’s so frustrating about that. I’m incredibly shy, quiet, awkward, all of that. But I’ve learned to embrace it!

[DMC93]

Id hate to still be by myself in the next 5 years and things are exactly the same. But whatever ill accept it, not my fault.

[Miah04]

People put on an act. To try to be cool.

It means just be true to your nature, and not act how you think people will like you

[Jkgordon]

Exactly what it means. Don’t pretend to be something you are not. Or like something you dislike. Don’ t speak to people you don’t like. Don’t go with the flow; Be the flow~

[Siri137]

Good question. I have no idea what it means. It doesn't make even make sense, because who else could a person be?

[Iron_Man]

When somebody tells you that you have to question them and say, tell me exactly what do you mean. For me to be able to help you? I need to know how the conversation went exactly how was it said

[Tomisworthless]

It’s something attractive people tell ugly people in order to get a mate or things like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, just be confident bro

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would seek out the most socially-awkward introverted and quiet guys in a crowd. But I'm a freak.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Not pretending to be someone else to get someone to like you.

[Roudyrebel8]

It means don't pretend to be someone you're not

[Staximus]

It means don't try to be somebody you're not.