Search Results: communication in a relationship

I have been married to my wife for 3 years. Before we moved in after we got married, I helped her pay off her debt to zero. We moved in and for that first year of living together we struggled a bit financially but were very happy with our relationship. She earned more than I did so I struggled hard to match our expenses 50/50. All my money that year went on essentials because that was all I could afford.

A year and a half passed since we moved in together and we are now in July. I now earn more than her and we are at a good financial path. She has the habit of not sharing her finances even though I tried my best to establish open healthy communication. I would often find myself having to ask her repeatedly about it. On that same month of July I told her to spill the beans... How much does she really owe in credit debt. She said 17k on one card and 6k on the other. A little blown back from that response I ask her to please not use her cards anymore and we can focus on it together. The plan was to save as much as we can for 6 months and then pay it off in large chunks in the thousands. After that day I almost never saw her pull out any credit cards.

Fast forward to last night. We had our first argument ever. It was a healthy argument, and we had a lot of respect and love in the argument. The arument started when I realized that her father was giving her a 1000-dollar allowance to help pay off her cards. Which I wasn't aware of and personally against my morals and she knows that. Her parents work so hard for that money. I love the support they give to her but why? Then I asked her why. 8 minutes of deflecting and trying to understand she reveals he owes 25k on one card. JUST ONE. My jaw dropped. I was trying to figure out how she spent 7k on her card in 6 months on top of what she had on her checking account. She spent in total of 16k in six months on the information I have alone based on the one card and the checking account.

I really need some help with this.