My boyfriend and his ex have dated for 6 years. He is extremely scared of her. Even tho nowadays he's safe from her. Living far away from her, her not knowing where he is and blocked her everywhere. At least I believed it. But more to that later.
We have dated for 3 years now. We have grown a lot but boundaries and communication aren't quite his strengths. He made improvements tho.
Throughout these years I slowly realized how his last relationship affects him even today. Therapy revealed he has actual trauma from that. And I found out he was physically, sexually, mentally and financially abused by her.
I have always tried to communicate with him and focused on comforting him and giving him the Signal that he is safe and loved in our relationship. And that it's over now and his ex can't hurt him.
But he is still in denial about the abuse and even excuses it, while also being afraid of it. He always talks about not posting pics of us together bc it might hurt his exs feelings. She owned so much stuff from him he was too afraid to demand back even tho these things were precious to him. For a long time, even while dating me, he gave her a monthly allowance, believing he owed it to her bc he wasted 6 years of her life. He stopped 2 years ago after I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he stopped without duscussing much.
However, today I found out she still uses his PayPal and he was aware of it and just let her bc "she's struggling"
I really don't know what to do. This is by far not all of it. He's in denial that he was abused and still can't set proper boundaries with his ex. He is terrified of her but this doesn't make it okay right?
Police or Lawyers haven't helped much bc the abuse is still too subtile. What can I do? I really need help
We have dated for 3 years now. We have grown a lot but boundaries and communication aren't quite his strengths. He made improvements tho.
Throughout these years I slowly realized how his last relationship affects him even today. Therapy revealed he has actual trauma from that. And I found out he was physically, sexually, mentally and financially abused by her.
I have always tried to communicate with him and focused on comforting him and giving him the Signal that he is safe and loved in our relationship. And that it's over now and his ex can't hurt him.
But he is still in denial about the abuse and even excuses it, while also being afraid of it. He always talks about not posting pics of us together bc it might hurt his exs feelings. She owned so much stuff from him he was too afraid to demand back even tho these things were precious to him. For a long time, even while dating me, he gave her a monthly allowance, believing he owed it to her bc he wasted 6 years of her life. He stopped 2 years ago after I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he stopped without duscussing much.
However, today I found out she still uses his PayPal and he was aware of it and just let her bc "she's struggling"
I really don't know what to do. This is by far not all of it. He's in denial that he was abused and still can't set proper boundaries with his ex. He is terrified of her but this doesn't make it okay right?
Police or Lawyers haven't helped much bc the abuse is still too subtile. What can I do? I really need help
