Search Results: how to catch a cheater

I've read this infidelity story before. I'll refer the names as Jane and Tom.

Jane was 19 and Tom was 20 at the time. They've been dating for 8 months or so when she got caught cheating. She cheated with Tom's good friend. Both got caught falling alseep in Tom's house, on his couch in a compromised position with the TV still running, an empty bottle of rum and empty snack bags. They had already finished the deed when Tom arrived. His friend was only in boxers and she dressed up with jeans but only had bra. Alcohol was involved and the cheating went on for nearly 3 months.

Tom somehow forgives that, reconciles and still marries her 5 years later. Jane changed for the better though, by her own admission never cheated again. Then 15 years into their marriage (and 20 years since her cheating took place) and with 3 kids, Tom begins coming home drunk and cheats for other reasons; midlife crisis. Tom briefly fell in love with the other woman, stole some of his wife's money to spend it on his affair, secretly gave his wife's meals to the other woman and was thinking about setting up a trip to France just to be with her for a bit, away from responsiblities, away from the kids, out of reality. Their ages by then are 39 and 40.

Cheating is already awful but to then do the nasty deed in your partner's house (not even nor own house at least) has got to be one of the worst insults ever.

This happened to a good friend of mine. Her ex boyfriend (then boyfriend) had the nerve to bring the other woman to her house, do the nasty deed on her own couch, heads towards the bathroom with her to take a shower, eat some of her food from the fridge and used her wine bottle.

Even though she didn't walk in on them (she was working), she installed a hidden camera because his behavior changed. The next week, she viewed her camera and dumped him immediately. To her that was even worse than walking in on them cheating.

Obviously both ways are horrible ways to discover you've been cheated on but which would be worse to you?

- The old classical way of coming early from work or whatever reason and walking in on them cheating.

- Reviewing your installed camera the next day or week later and seeing what happened while you were gone.

In my personal opinion, I literally don't understand how people can say to a friend, "don't get involved in another persons relationship issues" or if they have kids, "well by telling on the cheating, you ruined the kids lives because the mom/dad are now getting a divorce." To me, if you are dumb enough to first off, have an affair/cheat, and then go to some public place and make-out with or whatever with a person YOU KNOW is not your significant other, than expect potential consequences. No one ruins your relationship in that way, except you. If it were my friend, I'm loyal to my friends and the last thing you want to happen is for that cheater to be like, well, your friend saw me and said nothing because then what do you look like? If you don't want to get caught...don't cheat!

Lets say in the worst case scenario, you really do walk in on them... can that even be worked out?

I think I've only heard one successful story here but I'm having a hard time processing how anyone can come back from that. Wouldn't they have triggers forever?