What's worse, catching the cheater in the act or finding out through your hidden camera?

[Anonymous]

Cheating is already awful but to then do the nasty deed in your partner's house (not even nor own house at least) has got to be one of the worst insults ever.

This happened to a good friend of mine. Her ex boyfriend (then boyfriend) had the nerve to bring the other woman to her house, do the nasty deed on her own couch, heads towards the bathroom with her to take a shower, eat some of her food from the fridge and used her wine bottle.

Even though she didn't walk in on them (she was working), she installed a hidden camera because his behavior changed. The next week, she viewed her camera and dumped him immediately. To her that was even worse than walking in on them cheating.

Obviously both ways are horrible ways to discover you've been cheated on but which would be worse to you?

- The old classical way of coming early from work or whatever reason and walking in on them cheating.

- Reviewing your installed camera the next day or week later and seeing what happened while you were gone.

Classical, walking in on them in the act.. busted

Discovering the act through my camera while I was gone

Updates

10 mo

In both ways they're busted, just with the sole difference of direcly witnessing the act yourself vs seeing it through your camera and it can replay over and over.

[razelove]

Either one of those mean they were probably cheating before, but just got to the point where they just don't care about getting caught anymore. Like when people have a system for gambling or committing crime, when it works for a while they start slipping and having less discipline.

I'd say walking in would be worse though, because there is much more of a chance of things getting ugly. Also to make a divorce go better in your favor, the video evidence would be super helpful.

[Asker]

If they don't really care about getting caught anymore than why do some of them beg for another chance, why do some of them still want to be taken back? Why don't they just smile (at least have no regret towards it) and leave with the affair partner?

[Unit1]

They beg in order to not lose pussy. That's all they care about.

[abc3643]

Why would you even have a camera to spy on your significant other?
And why wouldn't they know about the camera?

I am not letting the cheater off the hook, but having a camera that would detect them cheating says either something about you or something about your living situation that you'd need a camera to spy on your apartment AND that you are monitoring it remotely.

[Asker]

My friend installed a camera because her then boyfriend (whom was living in her house) started acting differently and creating random arguments. She had some suspicious and you're right, the relationship was going south by then.

[abc3643]

How did the drama play out?
I'd like to know how she dumped him and if he knew he was caught.

[Asker]

She confronted him with the evidence, he had no choice but to admit it and didn't really fight to win her. She ditched him and he left, showing no remorse at all. He had no idea she installed a hidden camera.

[Asker]

Off course even if he would've been remorseful, it would've made no difference and she would've still dumped him but he didn't care one bit at all.

[abc3643]

Of course he didn't care. If he cared he wouldn't have cheated on it or to be him with. So frankly for him this is just a relief to move on.

[AviatorTom]

Even worse than these two would be your best friend telling you that they caught your SO cheating.

Fortunately, that's never happened to me. Neither I nor the women I've been with cheated, but that would be really really bad.

[Asker]

yeah that would be just as bad too... it means they are taking you for a fool and laughing at you

[D_Bone_Steak]

Tough ass question... I think most people that find out wished they didn't find out at all. The truth is if you're to the point of looking for it though... it's happening even if you can't prove it beyond a doubt. If you feel like looking for it, it's already over. People need to learn to look for that. This is one of my most honest opinions on the subject given.

I watch too many people go into this mode (spy mode) and only succeed in finding out they were right and it doesn't help them in the long run. You're going to find out... even if you can't prove it. People stuck on proving it and refusing to end things is what causes problems. If you think they're cheating... assume they are and get the fuck out of there. Even if you don't want to believe it.

[Finchie40]

I think both would be bad the only thing better about catching it on camera is you have solid evidence especially if you are married and catching your spouse cheating on you , you have to video to take their asses down in court , Even though cheating is a selfish act and is horrible to do to someone , having the evidence is going to help you in the long run , When i caught my ex cheating on me , I took pictures of her
Meeting him at the hotel and took a picture of them kissing before I confronted them , those pictures helped me in court by her not really
Getting shit from me , so having the video is best for the non cheater to have

[BadApple69]

I would hate to walk in on them… I would feel the desire to hurt the guy. But if I saw it was all recorded on the camera that xxx film would be on the internet within the hour. I would send the A$$hole guy a link to it that with a message that just says RUN!

[Agape93]

In the act. Not emotionally, but my temper is quite bad. I won't harm the one they cheated with. Far as I'm concerned, they had no loyalty or duty to me and are thus not culpable. But the cheater themselves? Yeah, it won't go well.

[Bricealan]

I accidentally caught her naked, in her apartment on a Monday morning, clutching a pillow to her boobs, and rushing me out of her apartment... We were not committed, but were dating a lot, and in retrospect, I should not have dumped her like I did. and probably could have continued with the understanding that she could sleep with whom she wanted and so could I. I just reacted badly, and should not have

[FreyaRed]

It doesn't really matter. It's over one way or another.

[Asker]

True. It was an easy break-up for my friend. He didn't even apologize nor beg. He didn't care at all.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

They're both the same thing. You're viewing it physically.

A better question would be "is it worse to catch them in the act or hear it from someone else?".

[Asker]

Yes it's true, you still see it both way. Though, the only difference is when catching them in the act, it's happening right there at that very moment and if caught on your camera you see it later on and it can replay (you can stop, rewind or forward it) the exact same scene over and over.

[Billlewis]

I chose walking in on them, because if I saw her cheating on hidden camera, I'd be able to masturbate right away, without having to wait until the guy leaves.

[richardcory]

If you accidentally catch a cheater in the act, you know they have violated the trust in the marriage. If you hid a camera and caught them, then you both have violated that trust.

[Unit1]

Imagine having to find out by being a spy instead of effortlessly catching the cheater red handed. Therefore catching the Cheater by seeing it through the hidden cameras is worse. For me at least.

[Guardian45]

As someone who was cheated on, I can confirm catching them in flagrante delicto was WAY WORSE!

I went on a two day bender, destroyed furniture and attempted to kill him. Fortunately for everyone, my BFF stopped me.

[Asker]

If it was just a girlfriend, you guys had no assets, no kids, no marital vows nor other major commitment then it's not worth fighting for. A girlfriend is just that, just a girlfriend.
Now if it's a wife you had kids with then yeah that can get complicated.

[Guardian45]

Some of us take things seriously. She remained my girlfriend for 3 years.

[Guardian45]

We remained close up until her death last year.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear about her death. I hope you are able to heal and eventually find love again one day.

[Guardian45]

Thank you. I hope so, too!

[Adam1978]

If you need to hide cameras you should already have walked. The trust is already gone.

[Asker]

Yeah she already suspected it but somehow she could never catch him in the act. It's as if he had it well calculated and knew her schedule so well and carefully selected the date and time. He selected the day when there would be no early surprises and she really had to work double shift. But yes trust was gone and she just needed to confirm her suspicion.

[RavVid]

If you have install a camera and review daily than you are suspecting. Whereas walking in might be complete surprise. That would be worse.

[Sanser]

I would prefer the camera... if u want u can pause it... being there in that situation must be so hard... I would feel so humiliated... I prefer the camera for sure...

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

In the act is worse. Seeing and hearing all the passion and sex noise. 😳

[Danny_dan92]

I mean is there really a difference? It’s gonna hurt like hell regardless

[Lenanolena]

Depends on the relationship

[Danny_dan92]

What kind of relationship?

[Lenanolena]

The man can know she doesn't like him and so be not suprised if she cheats

[Danny_dan92]

Mmm. I suppose. My last ex seemed to love me but I have a strong inclination she was cheating

[Lenanolena]

When was that

[Danny_dan92]

Years ago lol

[Asker]

Hopefully you found better and if not then there is nothing wrong with staying single and not dealing with heartbreaks.

[Danny_dan92]

I been single for many years. I’m not even trying to look for another relationship honestly. After that last one I just got turned off to the idea.

Just better off staying single honestly

[Asker]

yeah sometimes being single is so much better. You don't have to worry about huring anyone's feeling nor having your feelings hurt nor wasting time on going on dates when it could be spend on your own goals, hobbies or more hours at work.

[Danny_dan92]

Yep exactly.

Relationship trauma is a real thing.

Every single talking phase I’ve had always ends the same way, and I also can immediately lose interest the same way I become interested. Doesn’t take much

[OddBeMe]

Cameras mean you suspected because all the trust has drained from your dithering relationship anyway. The HD footage of her having better orgasms is just icing on the cake.

[exitseven]

Catching them in the act would be harder. It would be something you could never unsee

[Drumlin2001]

In the act. At least if you catch it on camera you have a chance to plan your escape.