Search Results: long time friend

I grew up with a narcissistic father and later spent five years married to a narcissistic partner. After living through that, I can recognize those patterns instantly. I’ve learned how their dynamics work — what to avoid saying, how to respond, and even how tone and body language can shift the interaction. Their tactics are sophisticated, and surviving them taught me a lot about how to protect myself.

I don’t use those skills to control people, and honestly, the idea of having that kind of influence makes me uneasy. But when I realize I’m dealing with someone who’s using manipulative behavior, I know how to hold my ground and not get pulled into their games. It’s empowering to know I’m no longer an easy target, even if the whole thing feels complicated at times.

A close friend of mine, who works in mental health and also has NPD, once gave me the best advice: “Stop oversharing and start listening.” It changed everything about how I navigate these interactions.

In a way, spending so much of my life around narcissistic personalities taught me how to mirror some of their strategies when I absolutely need to — but only as a form of self‑protection, not as a way of living.

Let’s start by saying my ex boyfriend came to Europe with me for my birthday after I told him i would go alone.. Our first day I got a bit jealous of two women he met through a group at a bar who are just friends and accused him of dating one of them and he said he’s not dating anyone. Then night time came and we got drunk, we spoke about one of his siblings dating (note: I am close to his cousin that’s how we met) since i was drunk I spilled the beans about this sibling and then he made a sly comment and then said he “dated” a “Russian “ girl who met his parents last year bc of his sister (she tried to get me to meet his parents after 3 dates ). I was blindsided since I never met his parents. I blew up and had a breakdown and left the hotel to go dancing and he text me while I was out alone he only went on a few dates with this girl and his sister tried to hype this person up. This is where it gets interesting (He’s never had a girlfriend and the one he counts as an ex he only saw 7 times and was long distance) Anyway, I come back to the hotel crying, of course, and he says to me, “Let me explain “ as he got up from the bed “I only said I went on dates with this girl since you kept using the word dating but i never dated her and she wasn’t Russian. I only saw her three times at the same bar my sister goes to and i deleted her number and don’t even remember her name. My sister was drunk and invited this girl to meet my parents when they were in town but i only had meetings with her at the bar & got drinks i never took her out to dinner or a proper date she was a random girl and i only saw her 3 times in the four weeks.“ I then i asked if she was introduced as a girlfriend or date and he said “my sister got excited and wanted to hype this girl up to my parents for me but didn’t go well bc they didn’t even like her. “ I haven’t spoken to her in months and it was last May”

@LaFemmeFatale_1 asked me something about my love life earlier… and it actually stuck with me and made me think…

I’ve known someone for a long time. He’s intelligent, funny, has depth… but opening up has always been a slower process for him. It’s something that unfolds over time…. Like a really long time. We started out as just friends and then we decided to try something more…

And then there’s someone I met more recently…

We could barely communicate at first because of the language barrier lol, but somehow we kept gravitating back to each other… laughing, losing track of what we were doing like it just flowed naturally. I actually posted about him some months ago and you guys were sharing with me how you’ve dated someone who spoke another language primarily.

What stood out to me though… was the effort. And even emotionally… he didn’t rush it, but he didn’t avoid it either.

He told me:

“De nada, con gusto… es bueno saber un poco y te diré poco a poco.” (I’ll tell you more little by little.) …And he did.

He’s also the guy I was talking about when I posted about going on a date.. and asking you guys whats a good first date… anyway..

That made me question something… because I feel like we tend to assume history means more.

But what if someone new is showing you more intention?

So what matters more to you in the end?