Search Results: safe sex

Why was it okay for him to disrespect my boundaries regarding sex… to make someone feel safe in the beginning just to be hurtful and bring up things that I didn’t want

I feel triggered by his actions because of things that happened in my past and my attachment issue… is that his issue entirely? No.. but what he did still felt so predatory and hurtful

He’s bold enough to do what he did why can’t he be bold enough to tell me he’s bi or that he’s into trans

Why isn’t he bold enough to go with his true attraction… he’s bold enough to hurt me why can’t I hurt him back?

He’s bold enough to insult me and say “ does your dad know that you post those pics “ then maybe I should be bold too and let his dad know what he likes?

He ruined my life and everything I worked so hard for because he couldn’t respect my boundaries and tried manipulation/ coercive methods to get what he wants. It’s not okay. It’s triggering and I hate that I’m still hanging on after a year feeling hurt and worthless

To be straight up and tell him I’m protecting my emotional and mental well being and wasn’t ready for anything and he pretended to care.. it’s wild

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found

Long story short..

I talked to a guy and let him know in the beginning that I wasn’t looking for anything.. I told him my emotional wellbeing is a priority and that I’m not looking for sex or a relationship BUT we could talk until he moved… I was guarded and kind of wanted to push him away… I also post sexy pics…

I gave him a hard time but I felt he was logical and patient.. he wanted to know the safest way to talk to me and he said he didn’t want the whole placeholder thing… he said more sweet nothings like “I shouldn’t punish everyone for someone else’s sin”

I told him I was willing to take things slow… and that’s when he pulled back and I confronted him.. he said he was being careful..

He admitted that he felt that I was unstable before the date but it wasn’t in a rude way…we went on a date it Flopped a bit … we both could have done better.. I could have talked more and explained my situation more and he talked about my pics and just said things that hurt a bit… asked when I was last intimate. He just didn’t seem that interested and I wanted to wait until marriage for sex

he ghosted me