Search Results: never felt anything like this

I'll give you an example: I was out working, doing food deliveries. I went to a restaurant to pick up an order. I had been there once before. The girl working behind the counter was really pretty. She was the same one who was working there last time I came. The first time I saw her, I was kind of in shock and awe of her beauty; so I didn't say anything, of course. Just made the transaction and got out.
This time -- the second time -- I remembered her (of course; how could you forget an angel like that?); but I had had enough time to process her existence and emotionally deal with it, and I had already grown a cold heart about her. (Because that is my modus operandus: noticing beautiful girls and growing a cold heart. I'm very emo.)

So I had my poker face on (which is what I wear to ensure that a hot girl doesn't think that I like her.) Unfortunately, my poker face is actually a Resting Bitch Face. So it may come off as a bit unfriendly. Maybe she might have even thought I was scowling at her. (I wasn't, really; I was just trying to cope with my internal angst. And I guess that ends up showing on the outside. The darkness in my heart and the pain in my soul.). But truthfully, I don't hate her. Not at all. I just hate myself for not knowing what to say to a woman.

Anyway, I noticed that she seemed a bit cold and rigid herself. So maybe she was mirroring the energy that I was giving off towards her. I was a bit surprised, though, and kind of embarrassed. I felt bad, because I thought that maybe I had taken it too far and come off as a bit TOO intense. I never wanted to come off as mean or rude. Just "not interested," that's all. All I wanted was to hide and camouflage my attraction and infatuation with her.

So, what do you guys think? Did she know that I liked her? Did she see through the mask, and was she annoyed that I was hiding it?
Or did my deceptive maneuver work (too well) and did she actually think that I disliked her?

I met her through work and it was an instant connection. I fell for her instantly. We've been talking for a little over a year, phone only, but since Christmas we've called and text each other every day. 3 weeks ago she started to distance herself from me and I don't know why. I don't know if it's because she's just moved to London, or if its me. I'm positive she liked me back but we never admitted it to each other, I know she has an image in her mind of the perfect partner which she won't compromise on and I didn't tick all the boxes, the age difference was too much. I've respected the fact we were only friends and never pushed any boundaries, although she made it difficult at times.

Before she arrived, I never felt and didn't expect to feel things. I was alone, and miserable with no hopes of it getting better. She has taught me so much. She's inspired me to be better. I'm working on myself mind, body, and soul because of her. She's given me the drive to want more out of life. She's helped me through my darkest days, and made me feel like such a winner. I know I've helped her a lot too. We came into each others lives at just the right time.

She's stopped taking my calls, and responding to my texts. It started slow, missed call here and there which has not happened for as long as I've been talking to her. Texts became shorter. I haven't heard from her in over a week now, quite suddenly after months of communication several times a day. In in London now partially to see her which we arranged weeks ago but instead I'm just wondering around alone. It's upsetting me soo much. I feel like whatever it was we had, is over. But I don't want to leave anything unsaid, no regrets. I want to tell her exactly how she made feel, and thank her for everything she's done.

I feel like she's shut the door by cutting the communication, but if I send her the text I have written in my notes, 99% that will lock it, 1% she will open up again and confess her feelings to me too.