Search Results: first move relationships

Two days ago, I had a discussion with my girlfriend (initiated by me) about our plans and having kids. I was reconfirming to make sure we're on the same page and she's 100% sure about it. She reconfirmed she's ready. So now I know her answer will be a yes. That's all I needed to know.

My past rejection:

After 5 years of being together with my then first girlfriend (now ex girlfriend), she declined me. I was 22 at the time when I asked her the question and the answer was a no. I felt the same exact way women feel when their guy won't commit. I felt the exact pain those women feel. This might sound silly but after I got home, I cried for a bit in privacy. It was really hurtful.

The reason for the question on my post if because recently someone else on a site said that only women would have that reaction of crying and being sad over it, that if we get sad about that, we're acting like a girl and that she was right to decline his proposal. I felt the same hurt. But we can get hurt equally if it's the woman that won't process in the relationship, that declines a proposal right?

So I really hit it off with this new sexy latin girl in Miami,. We've been out 4x and hooked up the last two dates. The problem is she keeps bringing up bills. Please tell me what is going on here;

1st meeting- I met her at a lounge in Miami, we do drinks, I drive her home she says "well I can stay with you tonight, but if I do I'll miss work the next day and will need you to pay me the amount of money I would normally make at work" I was totally taken aback and said no.

2nd date- I ask her if she is a working girl or something, she says no. That was a one time thing from an acute financial problem she said. We do dinner, kissing, no sex, no money request.

3rd date, Dinner, dancing at night club, but she says afterward her work schedule is tough and " what I really would love is my gringo to pay my bills so I don't have to work as much" Had sex first time.

4th date, dinner , dancing until 6am, total cost $650. On way home she says " I have a list of bills, but its not that that is the only thing I want and you can choose" she then lists all her bills line by line. We had sex again.

That Monday she talks about wanting to see her family in Brazil for holidays, but says the ticket is too expensive. I tell her I bought a Christmas gift for $500 and I can return it for cash value to put towards her ticket. She says that won't cover an entire ticket ($1,350). I didn't respond after that.

Tuesday I say good morning, and ask her about doing dinner,...(SILENCE) for next 36 hours,,,, then says- " I've come to the conclusion this isn't the relationship I want and your not the right guy for me"

Is this purely about money? She wouldn't answer my question as to what "issues" she was referring to. It seems insane to me if she doesn't want to talk now soley over this $1350 ticket AFTER I offered providing Christmas cash value of $500 WTF? Do I have any move here?

I have been married to my wife for 3 years. Before we moved in after we got married, I helped her pay off her debt to zero. We moved in and for that first year of living together we struggled a bit financially but were very happy with our relationship. She earned more than I did so I struggled hard to match our expenses 50/50. All my money that year went on essentials because that was all I could afford.

A year and a half passed since we moved in together and we are now in July. I now earn more than her and we are at a good financial path. She has the habit of not sharing her finances even though I tried my best to establish open healthy communication. I would often find myself having to ask her repeatedly about it. On that same month of July I told her to spill the beans... How much does she really owe in credit debt. She said 17k on one card and 6k on the other. A little blown back from that response I ask her to please not use her cards anymore and we can focus on it together. The plan was to save as much as we can for 6 months and then pay it off in large chunks in the thousands. After that day I almost never saw her pull out any credit cards.

Fast forward to last night. We had our first argument ever. It was a healthy argument, and we had a lot of respect and love in the argument. The arument started when I realized that her father was giving her a 1000-dollar allowance to help pay off her cards. Which I wasn't aware of and personally against my morals and she knows that. Her parents work so hard for that money. I love the support they give to her but why? Then I asked her why. 8 minutes of deflecting and trying to understand she reveals he owes 25k on one card. JUST ONE. My jaw dropped. I was trying to figure out how she spent 7k on her card in 6 months on top of what she had on her checking account. She spent in total of 16k in six months on the information I have alone based on the one card and the checking account.

I really need some help with this.

They are not huge debts but it's gonna take a while to pay them off. I have acquired those debts when I alone moved to Germany from a 3. rd world country (where hell broke loose basically) this year.

I saw here on GAG how many girls expect to be paid for. I also equally as much saw girls being OK with splitting the bill or that they prefer to split the bill for the first few times.

I'm tired of being single for so long and I'm even more sick about being expected having to squander money on "certain" girls like it's a gamble when I have accumulated some meaningful (not nonsensical) debts. I came here to make something of myself and not to be looked at like an open wallet. Those "certain" girls make me feel like the only way I can be qualified for relationships is by having money to squander on them. We have a name for that.