I liked this guy for 8 years and ever since I can’t seem stay interested in men for more than a week. Why?

[Anonymous]

I liked this guy through middle and high school at first it was like we were meant to be (very cute long drawn out story) but eventually we fell apart for no real reason, I never got confirmation if he liked be back. Pretty sure he ended up hating me, despite him being confusing and hot and cold for the final 3 years we knew each other. We never dated and eventually I moved on.

It’s not that I’m still stuck on him even if he walked up to me today and declared his love is reject him but I haven’t liked a guy as much or for more than a week or so since.

I’ve never had a boyfriend because I spent all of high school pining over him and now I just reject every guy or end up blocking them because I lose interest SO fast. I don’t know why I’m like this when I spent 8 years on this singular boy! I just can’t seem to get into a relationship and retain interest in anyone now and I’m 21.

Updates

1 y

Just to be clear I did confess to this guy at some point, to no response although he kept acting interested and disinterested

[KansasX]

just go find a guy you like and get out of your comfort zone and be vulnerable and enjoy whatever comes your way. I had a friend like you who was cold when it came to guys, and I got her hooked up and they had sex that night and she slowly got out of her shell.

And stop thinking about that guy! Does you no good thinking about the past.

by the way I am 25 and I have been with 9 guys. I just enjoy whatever comes my way.

[Asker]

Not a big fan of sleeping around (at least for myself) but you might be right about just going out with the guy even after I “lose interest” because maybe it’s just a passing thing?

[KansasX]

Skip the sleeping around and go out on some dates, and go find another guy after that and go on some other dates. Anything other than what you are doing now.
BUT do make sure you have some condoms on you, just in case.

[Screenwriter]

Seems to me that you're stuck in an unrequited love fantasy that went on from age 13 to 21. This guy was never more than a friend and he never felt the same about you. Why are you mourning the loss of a person who never loved you? And you were a kid, not an adult. Now's the time to get a handle on how to be in an adult love relationship.

I think you need to work this out with a professional counselor to get out of this rut.

[Asker]

I mean he would flirt with me on ando off the whole time. He’d take me out on “non dates” and his parents even said he loved me. It just was fucked up and weird and he was cruel. I know I’m going into semantics but it wasn’t like I was dillusional. I don’t think the 2 issues are correlated, I just don’t get how I could like him for so long and never retain interest in other guys.

[Screenwriter]

Girl, if you didn't hear if from HIM, it doesn't count. People flirt to get their jollies, not to be committed. He hung out with you because he didn't have anyone ELSE to hang out with and he KNEW YOU LIKED HIM! So he got admiration and love from you and had to do NOTHING for it. AND HE WAS CRUEL!!! Wow. Your ego and emotions have been battered. He was also sending mixed messages to keep you on the hook. Nothing so flattering as having someone who's in love with you.

Pass it off as youthful hope. You kept hoping it would turn into something more. Finally, he came clean. Thank goodness! Go see a counselor and do "grief" work. Mourn the loss of your youthful hopes about this person. Until you grieve this loss, you can't move forward. Time will heal this. But do some positive self-work with a professional and put a best foot forward. You'll be glad you've working through this and will find happiness at a future date: with yourself and with others.

[SlavicThor]

Because he was in his masculine and probably very confident and attractive. Guys like that are hard to come by so it's understandable why you're struggling to find a guy who makes you feel the same way. You're young, work on yourself give it time the right man will come along

[Guy13]

You sound like you may be a little obsessive by nature. Is there anything else in your life that you have been hoping or holding out for?

[Asker]

I mean I had lots of hopes and dreams while I liked this guy, still do. I don’t really care about him now and as I said even if he confessed right now I’d reject him. I just don’t get why I can’t seem to stay interested in anyone at all when I liked him that long?

[Guy13]

Go see a professional counselor and ask him/her about OCD.

[Asker]

How would I have odc cause I liked guy in high school? Odc would have to have other obsessive stuff (if you even consider me reflecting on this obsessive..), I just liked the guy I lot because he never made it clear so I could let it go.

[Guy13]

Alright.

[In_Trance]

You didn't like him that much if it fell apart for no reason.

[Asker]

I liked him for 8 whole years. He made me feel desperate by acting interested then disgusted and cruel towards me.

[In_Trance]

8 years... think about that for second. 8 years and neither of you did anything with it.
I think I know why it fell apart.

[Asker]

I agree that’s why I moved on. It was high school and we both acted stupid, although I did confess (despite your idea that I did nothing.) My issue is now retaining interest in guys now.