Search Results: do you need to work at a relationship

When we just started dating my boyfriend was very loving, unlike any other guy I have dated before. He always made time to text me during the day even though we’re both busy working, called me straight after work and we could chat for hours, sent me flowers, always compliment me and tell me daily that he loves me, once he even flew to another country to see me and take out for dinner also he insisted and paid for the tickets just for me to go and see him and it was like this for a year but now as we are dating for nearly 2 years I just feel how everything has changed. He texts me just good morning and it’s every day the same like he does it because he has to not because he wants to. No more texts unless i text first and he gives a dry answer or he needs something, in the evening he is usually busy or in the best case calls me for 15-30 min and then says that he still has things to do and has to go. Even when we talk for longer I can say that he’s not really listening and just starts doing something around with me on the phone. He stopped saying that he loves me unless I say so he can answer with I love you too. When I ask him if everything is ok and if he wants to be with me because I feel that he got a bit cold he always says yes, that I am overthinking and should stop asking silly questions. Is it time to get worried or am I actually just overthinking and it is normal that after some time things change this way?

I have an Anxious Preocuppied Attachment style and he is a fearful avoidant, both 28. We had been together for 3 years before he broke up with me almost a month ago while celebrating our anniversary / my birthday. The month prior, he had moved to a new city due to being transferred at his job, so new workplace as well. His company gave him 2 weeks to move his whole life over there and he had to do the move while still going to work so he was highly stressed. The city is about 1.5hrs away by train from where I am (and he also was) and I have plans to go there next year for work, so we were thinking of going there together. So a long distance relationship would have been temporary and we would have seen each other once a month in person. He reassured me that everything would be okay and that we would absolutely make it work.

When he came back to our city a week after moving/starting his new job (for the celebration), he looked very stressed. His work week was hectic and he’d get home at around 9pm every day and go straight to sleep (about one message a day). At the hotel, where we were celebrated, he seemed to be in a terrible mood so I asked him what was wrong a bunch of times and also mentioned our future (moving in together eventually, which we’ve talked about before) and he said he didn’t know and couldn’t give me the answer that I wanted. He then came up with a bunch of excuses about needing to focus on himself and his career and not having the bandwidth to be in a relationship anymore. That he couldn’t cherish me. There was no changing his mind. I left the hotel and went back home.

The next day I called to make up and talk again but he was firm in his decision so we each apologized and thanked each other and that was it. He deleted me from IG and hasn’t reached out since. I have been in NC. I’m extremely hurt and am wondering if this is temporary or permanent? He broke up with me once before but came back after 20 mins apologizing. What should I do?