Search Results: feeling confused

Waking up to the sounds of her mother doing dishes in the kitchen, she could only think about how her life went through for the last few weeks. Drained of energy, feeling like a corpse she got up from bed and went towards the kitchen.

“you’re being really lazy lately, sleeping till midday, don’t you have to study?’ her mother started to throw out words. These words were never annoying to Lizz somewhere deep she felt her mother doesn’t have the required knowledge in communication to ask what was really going on and to phrase another word for ‘laziness’. No one could in her life. with just a hum as reply, Lizz grabbed the cup of tea from the kitchen as usual and walked towards the balcony to enjoy the tea in peace. Placing the glass of tea on the small table on the balcony, she dropped herself onto the bamboo chair. As winds blew on her wavy long black hair, and sun kissing her golden skin, she sunk into the chair in comfort.

Taking a sip of the warm hot tea, her warm brown eyes caught onto something. Nothing changed in the view from the balcony, her mother’s pretty garden and the neighbor’s plushy green trees but her eyes which skipped through the trees found a young boy with a girl. They seemed to be having a good time. “at least they are happy” Leaning back on her chair, taking sips from tea trying to relax. The concept of love was confusing to Lizz, it was as if something was always missing.

Thinking of the last week. It was kind of dramatic, apart from Alex who never picks up on her likeness for him. Seeing him she always feels the same, weak, no thoughts entering her brain as if her whole body is going through a mixture of feeling, exploding inside.

Being the end of semester Lizz was having exams last week. Reaching her college on scooter, she went to the parking lot which was on the west side of the college which happened to be near to the college boys hostel. Just as she was about to park her scooter.

I fell in love with her instantly but I never had the courage to make a move so we went to friends. I could never risk losing her from my life because I think she is the most amazing woman, and she inspires me to be better. I left hints so she knows I have feelings for her without telling her directly. We've talked about us and she has suggested a few times that we could not be together. But then she would confuse me by doing something incredibly caring or romantic. I am in a loop of being in the friendzone and trying to accept it, followed by an act which gave me hope of more, to her suggesting we would never work, and back to the friendzone.

We've supported each other so much. She has helped me develop personally, and also deal with the death of someone close to me. And in turn, she has had a tough year personally and professionally so I have supported her and now she's doing better

For the past year, we have had a long call at least once a week. We have been available for each other always. Last week, I called her and for the first time, she never answered or called/text back. We sent each other a couple of texts this week, but I initiated them all. I called her today to no answer, but she text later to just say she was with her friends. I asked her to call me when she was done, but she hasn't.

I feel like she has progressively become more distant from me for a while now. We used to talk all day, every day. Now I'm lucky if she sends me a text 1st.

I've done my best to accept we will never be more. I have tried to do what a friend does; support, care, and be there for her unconditionally.
With her becoming more distant, is it time for me to stop trying, and let her go? Should I not contact her again until she reaches out to me first?
It's tough, she is the first woman I have ever felt love for, despite us never being together. I'm sure she has had feelings for me too but she has been unwilling to compromise on her perfect image of a partner.