Is he catching feelings too?

[Anonymous]

So me and this guy have been friends since 6th grade and we’ve been sexually attracted to each other since then I guess (he always liked my body and personality). We’re older now and have started to take things to the next level (I’ve been sitting on his lap for example, he caresses my skin/body and he acts differently around me/treats me differently than other females he knows. At least when I’m around). I think I’m catching feelings for him now and I’d like him to feel the same I think. A part of me feels he just talks to me for sexual pleasure and school work (we like to do assignments together, plus we have a class together this semester), but I actually am comfortable with him and he’s comfortable with me, we laugh with each other and we bond over things. But he never texts first, but when I text him first he replies quickly (like within a minute). I don’t want to seem desperate so I guess I’ll leave the texting alone. I catch him looking and staring at me whenever he thinks I don’t notice and when I look in his direction he looks away quickly like he was never looking at me at all. It confuses me a lot and don’t want to ruin things with my feelings. I guess I could say we have a “friends and with benefits” kind of relationship.
I’d just like to know he is catching feelings for me or just using me for his own pleasure. I know that we’re young (almost juniors to be exact) and shouldn’t be thinking about sex this soon, but we comfort eachother at this topic.

Sorry if this is too much to read, thanks!

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you're feeling confused about your friend's feelings towards you. Based on what you've described, it's possible that he may have some level of romantic or emotional interest in you, but it's also possible that he may be primarily interested in a physical or sexual relationship.

One way to get a better sense of where he stands is to have an open and honest conversation with him. You could try asking him how he feels about your relationship and whether he sees it as just a physical thing or if he has any emotional or romantic feelings towards you. It's okay to be honest about your own feelings as well, but try to approach the conversation in a non-confrontational and non-judgmental way.

That being said, it's also important to be prepared for the possibility that he may not have the same feelings towards you or may not be ready for a more emotional or committed relationship. If that's the case, it's important to respect his boundaries and take care of yourself by setting boundaries that feel comfortable for you.

Remember, it's okay to have feelings for someone and to want to explore a deeper connection, but it's also important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and make sure that any relationship you pursue is based on mutual respect and understanding.

[xColinx]

From what you described it sounds like you're both definitely into each other beyond a *friendship* level. But yeah, it can be confusing and awkward and frustrating to try to actually define those feelings or whatever.

Him being "distant" might be a result of him not knowing for sure how strong your feelings are for him, so it's a natural defense mechanism for him to not open up to much in a way that would make him feel vulnerable. What I mean is, homeboy might/probably has feelings for you but is worried about you not feeling the same, so he just keeps sticking to whatever normal routine y'all have going.

Do you & him hang out together outside of school?

[Asker]

He asked me where I live but he told me where he lives though.

[GubGubo]

Yeah, absolutely, like to the point where I think this post is bait. Like based upon how you described it he has immense feelings.

[GubGubo]

Sorry I should have elaborated more, if he were using you just for pleasure I really don’t think he would be this nervous. The fact that he doesn’t text first but immediately texts back indicates that he does want to talk to you but is afraid of bothering you, so yeah again not using you for pleasure and yeah he def has feelings

[Asker]

Well, I see you’re saying but he seems to ignore me when I’m around sometimes. He acts kind of distant unless he needs something from me (like schoolwork). Sometimes he’ll say hi and start a small conversation though. But him ignoring sometimes throws me off.

[brandon1122]

Don't go for friends with benefits thing or one night stands and stuff. I've seen people being fine with it, but regret in their late 20s