Do guys catch feelings for their friend with benefits?

[Anonymous]

For almost a year, I was in a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy who had a longtime girlfriend. At first it was purely physical and sexual. We were just having fun and enjoying. But eventually we became intimate and emotional with each other, having serious conversations, being there for each other, and spending a lot of time together. When I would get jealous, he would always explain and make me feel at ease, as if I was the girlfriend. He spent important days with me such as Valentine's day and even their anniversary. We called each other pet names all the time. There were things that I did for him which he said no one has ever done for him before, such as cleaning his room, being caring, and complimenting him. He said I made him happy, I took away his stress, he cared about me, and I meant a lot to him. Everything was going well until his friends found out. The pressure became too much for him so he broke up with me.

Despite our arrangement, do you think he caught feelings too?

[abc3643]

Congratulations!

Your question is today's Question of the Day illustrating that Friends With Benefits is an illusion because eventually one of them will get emotionally involved as if in a couple.

It's not a question of "if" it's going to happen, but "when".
If it is any consolation, the same thing happened to me...

In December 1988, just before I turned 26, I was involved in this intense 2.5 week "F W B situation" (*) with my very attractive nymphomaniac roommate. I was very emotionally involved, but, for her, I was just a convenient lay between "more serious BFs".

So, was I a stupid fool? Yes and no. I knew better, but I wanted what I got into and paid the price. I learned through The School of Hard Knocks just like you are...
- - - - - - - - - - -
(*) This is long before "Friends With Benefits" became "a thing". No one said that in the 1980s let alone thought it because it would be considered an embarrassment to sink to that level. Apparently, being a slut or manwhore doesn't matter in today's "hook-up culture".

[caring__1]

Whether he developed feelings or not is irrelevant. He was only interested in a friends with benefits arrangement and not willing to take it further. When guidelines are established at the start, and later one pressures the other for more, it generally leads to the end of the relationship. As soon as others found out, he no longer had what he wanted with you, so he ended the relationship. Most people don't choose to have a friends with benefits arrangement with someone they don't like. it seems you wanted his feelings to be the same as yours.

[Mandycandy42]

Yes they can and it's happened to me before, when they seem to cross that line is when I would end the arrangement completely. This is why when I pursue a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy I have strict boundaries and rules. Of course being friends is a start and of course a rapport with us both comfortable around each other is important, and most importantly sexual compatibility. Whenever I meet mine, we communicate about meeting for sex,. then have sex. After the sex, part ways until I send him a text again, of when we will meet for sex. Although we will hang out some for the mood and maybe have some food, but the evening or day has to end with sex. No talking about family, friends etc, no gifts, romantic dates, room cleanings and pet names (other then kinky stuff in bed) thats when guys get the wrong idea.

[btbc92]

That's not how that works. For men they tend to already know what they want. If it's after the sex, it's simply because they already been attacked because they want the sex and they want you as a possession. guys are not like women. There's no such thing as catching feelings. You are the growth have feelings or you don't. But feelings doesn't mean anything unless the person choose to give it meeting. You're not friends. You're just having sex. You think that is going to be anything more than that, it's left on you to deal with. If you want a relationship you don't go around making yourself easy. And you don't go around doing stuff like that especially outside of marriage. And me and a lot of guys are not going to respect you that way unless what's going to benefit them.

[virgin20]

With every friends with benefits there is a chance that one of other catches feelings. I think he did.
What you describe essentially sounds like a normal relationship without the label.
As for now, if he broke away because of his friends, you could try and see if he wants a more serious relationship rather than a friends with benefits because it sounds like you 2 will make that work