Search Results: let this guy know i like him

There’s been this school that I’ve been trying to get a job at for almost as long as I was at the last school I worked for ( 2 years?). This is a recruiter I dealt with before & I’ll start with saying I finally got the gig. The application process was always tedious: indeed apply, questionnaire that can probably add up to about a paragraph, interview with recruiter (this guy) and finally panel interview w/ hiring team. The furthest I made it over a yr ago was to that panel interview & got that rejection email, every other time after they’d send the questionnaire & I got a rejection email shortly after. Well this time around, I made it to the panel interview, was told this was the last step & then am told they want to meet me one last time to ask questions to gauge my experience & my expectations were very low but tried my best and guess it worked out this time around.

This time when I first met with the recruiter, he just went on almost an hr talking about company culture and kind of tested me too. At one point he said he wanted to hear from me because “he felt like he was doing most of the talking”. Every time he’d give info or give an order he’d always end with that *reassuring* “okay” & it kinda threw me off at times. He did warn me when we first met that he thinks the hiring team would want to meet with me and they did. Yesterday, he calls me to tell me that they extended an offer & I told him I wanted to move fwd but needed to let them know I had a NYE event scheduled after I met with them & wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be an issue. And he said I threw him a curveball, I didn’t do anything wrong but he wanted me to speak with the hiring mgr before moving fwd bc he didn’t want to speak for them. He said it should be fine but that curveball comment threw me off. You know when you just feel like someone may be reading you wrong? I come across maybe as too reserved to him but I answer “okay” and asked questions to show interest almost every time.

29F and I can’t help but feel like I must want a relationship if I tend to go periods where I install and uninstall the apps. Oddly enough, I feel like my experience with the types of guys I’ve encountered on these apps has kind of improved compared to in my early twenties, as in I tend to attract at least physically the kind of guys I’d actually consider. I look the same compared to back then but now I also feel like I can vet out who’s messing around earlier on & end it right away, the apps are still garbage but I think it’s more a matter of how I’ve changed too. So…I think I’m attracted to them based off their profile & I haven’t been catfished but a lot of the time, I end up not liking them. There’s been cases where yes it’s 50/50 and it’s mutual on both ends regarding lack of interest. I just have this expectation of them when meeting and don’t have a desire to see them again. And when we’re at the point where it’s close to meeting in person and they initiate, I chicken out or try to find an excuse. It’s a combination of apathy + feeling like eh it’s not gonna work so just let it slow fade. I just know I’ll be disappointed & being as old as I am without a LTR, it seems kind of not worth pursuing at this point. Ever since I was in my teens I’ve just never understood the desire to be boy crazy or just consumed with boys like every other girl I knew, this indifference has been lingering since but this gnawing pressure is also at the back of my mind to try in case of FOMO. Does that make sense? This applies sexually too, a lot of people wanted to experiment & fuck around but I have no desire to be sexually active/self pleasure. But I always wonder if this right person that everyone talks about will change that for me…I’m so conflicted.