In my case, is sporadically using dating apps & eventually not wanting to meet up with these guys mean lack of interest or self sabotage?

[Anonymous]

29F and I can’t help but feel like I must want a relationship if I tend to go periods where I install and uninstall the apps. Oddly enough, I feel like my experience with the types of guys I’ve encountered on these apps has kind of improved compared to in my early twenties, as in I tend to attract at least physically the kind of guys I’d actually consider. I look the same compared to back then but now I also feel like I can vet out who’s messing around earlier on & end it right away, the apps are still garbage but I think it’s more a matter of how I’ve changed too. So…I think I’m attracted to them based off their profile & I haven’t been catfished but a lot of the time, I end up not liking them. There’s been cases where yes it’s 50/50 and it’s mutual on both ends regarding lack of interest. I just have this expectation of them when meeting and don’t have a desire to see them again. And when we’re at the point where it’s close to meeting in person and they initiate, I chicken out or try to find an excuse. It’s a combination of apathy + feeling like eh it’s not gonna work so just let it slow fade. I just know I’ll be disappointed & being as old as I am without a LTR, it seems kind of not worth pursuing at this point. Ever since I was in my teens I’ve just never understood the desire to be boy crazy or just consumed with boys like every other girl I knew, this indifference has been lingering since but this gnawing pressure is also at the back of my mind to try in case of FOMO. Does that make sense? This applies sexually too, a lot of people wanted to experiment & fuck around but I have no desire to be sexually active/self pleasure. But I always wonder if this right person that everyone talks about will change that for me…I’m so conflicted.

Lack of interest

Self sabotage

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot with dating apps and dealing with this stuff for years. I can totally understand why you'd be feeling conflicted and apathetic at this point. Dating gets so exhausting when it's always the same kind of guys just wasting your time. But on the other hand, not pursuing anything could lead to missed opportunities too.

A few thoughts - it doesn't sound like lack of interest to me so much as just being protecting yourself from more disappointment. You're right that as you get older, it's harder to invest time and energy into something that probably won't go anywhere meaningful. At the same time, I don't think waiting for some "perfect" person is realistic either.

Maybe take a real break from the apps for now until you're feeling more excited about dating again. focus on your friends, hobbies, self-care. When you do try again, go in with less expectations so you don't get as let down. Also be really picky up front - don't waste time on guys you're not truly interested in. The right person might change how you feel, but don't force it or feel like there's something wrong with you if you're not into casual stuff. Just take pressure off yourself and see what happens naturally. Hope this helps give some perspective - you'll figure it out!

[Anonymous]

Lol why don't women or men work in service jobs and or cafes and when it's quiet or they don't care if it's a second job, wait for a customer to flirt near closing or in quiet times - I dunno, I just wonder why men and women don't flirt at work more or whatever unless it's unwanted or the persons aren't both 18 plus - anyways just saying things out loud lol 😆

[MisterWack]

If you use dating apps then take a break there is no harm in that, go at your own pace. No shame in that.