Is using dating apps desperate?

Question

I’ve always wanted to try them, but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me, what are your thoughts on using them? Also if you like using them, what ones do you like using?

Mr_Potatoman · Accepted Answer

It's not desperate, but what it could be is awkward if you run into someone you know. The main problem is the disbalance between men and women on dating apps. The ratio is about 10 men on 1 woman and that creates the enviroment where it's really hard to grab a woman's attention because you are competing with 10 other guys.
So what happens is basically a woman having a line of 10 men in front of her and she can pick whoever she wants and since she has many other guys in line she probably won't put much effort in building rapport. On the other hand, an average guy maybe has a one or two women that he'd matched with and he'll probably try his best with them because, let's face it, he doesn't know when will he get another match.

In conclusion, this disbalance makes dating apps very shallow. All a woman has to do is show up on a dating site and that's not the case for men.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should never try them, they can indeed work, but it's a good idea to lower your expectations from dating apps and not let it crush your self asteem when you don't get a like in weeks.

I used a few of them, I fairly quickly moved away from Tinder because I find it to be the most shallow of all and I personally think Tinder is more for finding someone to fuck. The app I had most success (and the one where I met my current girlfriend) is OkCupid. I liked that app more then Tinder because I felt that the majority of people there are actually looking for a relationship. The only downside is that there weren't many people using the app in my area.

TruthBringer · Accepted Answer

Dating apps are something of our time. So using it doesn't make you desperate, especially during lockdown.

The poblem with dating apps is that it's mostly filled with shallow and untrustworthy people. Girls who mostly want nothing to do with you other than get free attention/validation. They want someone over the app to boost their egos without planning to see you. Another danger is you can encounter those who only want to use you for free dinners (that's why you should never go on a dinner date).

Guys on them usually want to hook up. Nothing else. They want to get sexual with minimum amount of effort.
The people I just described are desperate, yes
There are people who are worth it. I speak from experience. You just have to dig through all the stones until you find that person who is worth it. SO using the apps in hopes of finding someone you can be with isn't being desperate when the best way to find people of our age is by using these apps. It's how you use it that determines if you're desperate or not.

vintagegirl90 · Accepted Answer

I see nothing desperate about dating apps.
I have used them because I don’t have time to meet men in real life because I’m busy working full time Monday to Friday. The app makes it bit more easier for me to organise that by swiping left or right when I’m low on time. Everyone has different experiences on these apps, good or bad, but neither of them was desperate, they are looking for something that they want but don’t time to get. That’s the good part about dating apps, they give you that convenience if work or have responsibilities. I’ve tried the whole in person dating experience and unfortunately, I would say 90 percent of the men, wanted to sleep with me than get to know me, which isn’t what I was after. Anyway I had success with Bumble and much prefer the idea of getting to know someone first online first and building that trust to meet them. Bumble helped me get into in a relationship, so I wasn’t really desperate, I just went for what I wanted through an app because it works best for me. You do what’s best for you, if you don’t want to use a dating app, that’s fine but everyone’s reason to use it is not desperation.

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't day using them is desperate, as this day in age it's one of the easiest ways to put yourself out there, especially considering fewer people are actually going out and meeting others (even pre-COVID) and people tend to be doing more interacting online (not my cup of tea, but the way today's society seems to be). Lots of people are on dating sites and apps just trying to put themselves out there in order to find a potential partner, and there's definitely nothing wrong with that.

However, there are a lot of people on dating apps not looking for anything serious and just wanting to hook up, and a lot of people on free sites (and probably apps as well) just screwing around and messing with people, so it's wise to use your judgment. The paid subscription sites I've always heard are better since they will mostly weed out the trolls and people who aren't serious, as well as anyone who might have malicious intent since they have their information, but I have zero experience with any of them except for what I've seen and heard from friends and family.

ManOnFire · Answer

It isn't desperate per se, but can become that way if you start using them to find a hookup or sex partner, trying to get same-day sex.

I have used these sites in the past, and 98% of the time they were a waste of time. I've had better luck just chatting with somebody on apps like Whisper and Google+ (now defunct). The hard truth that I constantly remind men of is that dating sites are largely meant to work for women and not men. Yes, there are guys who've had success with it and try to argue with me that these sites do work for guys based on their own personal experience, but in general dating sites do more to help women and works to game guys at the same time.

coachTanthony · Answer

-----------------Most men who don't like dating apps don't know how to properly use them and send interesting messages. So instead of just getting better they give up and say it sucks and it's for losers.

If you have any people skills... online dating can be a god send. Especially now with all this corona crap.

Try it out...

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

I used them to meet my current long term beau. It's a blind date where you probably don't know the person or where they come from. Doesn't make them better or worse or change their value as a human being higher or lower.

Just try to find someone that looks like someone you'd be friends with in real life instead of chasing after "the hottest person you can match with." Do they have similar hobbies? Do they want similar things in life? Do they party as much or as little as you want to? That's a common problem many dating app users have. Remember your date isn't an extension of your self esteem. Your date is a person who may be your partner, who may hold you when you are sick, who may celebrate with you by smooshing cake in your face, and who may one day meet your parents. Be realistic about your expectations but also make sure to have some and not waste your time if someone is not meeting them on the first 3 dates.

Also, if you are genuinely looking for a relationship, don't use the "sex by a certain number of dates metric." It's very dehumanizing to be dumped right after sex if thats the "final deciding factor" between pursuing a relationship or not. I've had guys tell me post sex, whether it was on the third or 8th date, that I waited too long or didn't wait long enough to be "taken seriously for a relationship material."

nikooo0ooo · Answer

They're pretty useless unless you use like tinder or something. They're biased as fuck too a lot of them only make men pay. Really popular ones like POF and meet me are 90% ewhores plugging their cash app and only fans and the other 10% are morbidly obese woman. Oh I forgot the unreal amount of sex bots set there to fool you into thinking extremely hot woman are interested in you. The real woman on there tend to have too high of expectations for themself, because the thousands of messages from horny virgins they receive a day inflates their ego big time, most of the time you won't even be responded to because their inboxes are flodded to the absolute max with "hey beautiful" "omg you're so stunning" tinder and bumble however are different, I've had a lot of success with them sexually, but most of the girls I meet on there are super immature and just wanna party and fuck, which is cool I guess. But gets old. You could try the paid dating websites like eharmony and shit but I'd say you're setting yourself up for failure there too, there's nothing quite like physically meeting a girl you truly like, I remember the other day I walked into a pizza place to eat and the girl that took my order literally took my breath away, like I didn't even know that was a legitimate thing, literally winded me, I started blushing and my heart got to pounding, I'm usually not shy around girls, or anyone, but I couldn't even put the words of my order together cause looking in her eyes just really hit me hard and I was truly like in love with her at first sight. But I didn't say anything cuz Im a pussy, but maybe you're not and that days coming for you, be patient

bobalife · Answer

nope, we all have our own take and experiences from it. Try it out! :) It helps when people are busy with work and unable to have time to socialize, or it's hard to meet potentials. Of course it is always nicer to meet someone naturally in-person and you shouldn't limit those options either. I think one of the downside about online dating is that I think people forget to be authentic, we can get caught up on profiles instead of getting to know someone for who they are, and people can get used to looking for the next best thing. Goodluck on what you're looking for!

Petra150 · Answer

Nice to read all Answers in here, especially the guys seems to se how pathetic Tinder us , and how it's changed date g, and once again us women got it all wrong. We obviously think dating is like going out shopping, to mention using tinder is like saving time is horrible. Using tinder is so unreal and pathetic, you need to stand face to face with a guy to lern him, you don't need to know the weight and height of a guy to love him, Tinder just made dating even more shallow and we women just blow it if we still use Tinder

90sVibe · Answer

So I've never had one until about 2 weeks ago when I was like, "ehh why not?" And honestly I've barely been on it because I have a busy schedule and its not for me. I'm much more of an in person kinda person and find it strange to interact for the first time over messages. It doesn't feel natural and thats why I'm not a big fan. I met this one guy who seems reslly nice and sweet who totally stood me up after driving for 2 hours to meet him. So it definitely isn't something for me, but I've heard and know a lot of people who it's worked out for. I think it has more to do with your performance of online activity and interaction.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

There's worse. I just had to block a woman who found me on Skype, then convinced me to get WattsApp. She's a French woman living in the Ivory Coast. But... she moves insanely fast.

I took 4 months to fall in love with my ex from China. This French woman was obsessed with me in under a day. But I was getting some vibes from her... like, Mal from Inception vibes.

I felt sorry for her; but had to block her. I'm lonely at times, bordering on desperate. But that woman is WAY too crazy, even for me! Seems I only attract the asylum escapees. Just my luck.

Citizenkirk · Answer

The Fonze wouldn't use them, but then again, he was a weird egg who only had too tap the jukebox with his elbow for free tunes and dip his head too the side and say "Heeyyyy" for one bimbo per arm too appear. Unfortunately, it takes more than just a quart of 30 weights oil in the hair and a leather jacket too attract babes nowadays. There is nothing wrong with desperate measures when your desperate, was my motto on deployments, and probably applies too dating websites as well. Those computer algorithms they match people with may work if you fit the profile, but not everyone does. It's a crap shoot, as far as I can tell.

Reaperbot666 · Answer

roughly 80% of people regardless of if their male, female or other. are typically looking for hookups and/or short term dating. much more often then long term relationships or marriage. the modern internet, social media, dating sites/apps and hookup culture. all played a role in opening a door for many people. to have a large amount of fuckable people to pick from. but the amount of people viewed as relationship material has gone down. since majority of people won't long term date someone with past hookup drama.

hellacray · Answer

Well some may use it because they're desperate. But not everyone uses it because they're desperate. It never hurts to give it a try to see what happens.

I know two people that met their current girlfriend through dating apps. Which actually did take me by surprise. So anything is possible.

My experience with dating apps tho have been pretty negative. I'm sure a lot of fellas feel the same way. For the most part it's a big waste of time. You're swiping everyday and it may take you a week or longer to get a single match.

And then that person either isn't right, doesn't respond, or unmatches right away. And depending on the app you're using it could be filled with tons of fake profiles.

If you want to give it a try I say go ahead. But for me it was definitely a huge waste of time. I think I had more interactions with women in GAG than on a dating app. Just let that sink in...

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I've met great guys on Tinder. Found my first serious relationship on there too. You just have to be straight up about what you want.
Dating apps work not necessarily because they actually match you with someone you're compatible with, but because they introduce you to a bunch of people in your potential dating pool. It's a numbers game. If you talk to enough people, eventually you're going to find one you like. Dating apps are just much faster than trying to meet the same amount of people in person

cth96190 · Answer

My experience was that most of the female profiles were fake.
They were created by either the site owners to entice men to part with money, or Nigerian and Ghanian scammers who pretended (very badly) to be white women in various parts who needed a Sir Saveaho to rescue them.
Of the genuine profiles, all the women whom I contacted were insane. Seriously clinically insane.
At one point, I was receiving 200 messages per week from the Aftican scammers.
Would I try a dating app again?
Hell no.

Dali-chan · Answer

I think it was considered to be desperate a decade ago, and it was usually a thing for loosers cause it meant a that you were unable to get a partner in real life, but now I see many decent looking high quality people subscribing to these websites, especially with the quarantine.

Lonerontheplanet · Answer

When you have GAG to get some instant fun, why use dating apps? I’ve never used them, but I’ve seen this pattern of the same crowd swiping right on people. And then they end up following each other on social media accounts and blah, nothing after that. (I’ve seen this happen to my friend).

I don’t find dating apps safe. Imagine people investing time to make bio interesting just to get laid.

Darcia · Answer

Using dating apps is not desperate. There’s nothing desperate about it. It’s a way to find someone you want to be with long term or short term. However else will you find someone without putting yourself out there? Some dating apps work where you’ll be able to find someone who has the chemistry as you. Others are trash just for hookup. It’s up to you if you want to use them to find someone or just wait for someone to come by. Which is not very lucky.

laPrincesitaRoxi · Answer

No they’re not desperate, a lot of people especially nowadays use them.
It’s a normal way to date now tbh and it’s just less of a hassle and it gives you more options you otherwise wouldn’t have ya know?
Yes dating could be nice when you
Just meet randomly but it’s not necessary I would say to have to do that unless you really want to and feel like it’s personality the best thing for you

sd1223 · Answer

After I was skeptical of them because of the fear of being catfished but you have to use common sense with using them. I’ve grown to like them because it gives you access to so many more people that you may have never been able to meet before. Then you have plenty of options as well. If one person is a dud or a horrible match you can move on to someone else. I met my boyfriend on an app and we’ve been together almost 2 months. I’d say give it a shot, the same could happen for you as well 😊.

420Rachel · Answer

I started talking to my current boyfriend on Tinder. 🤷 You can definitely find some gems on there it just takes some trial and error lmao. I don't think it's desperate. I've used dating apps quite a bit and I probably would use them again if, god forbid, my current relationship doesn't work out.

yucychan · Answer

Actually, there are apps for practically everything so I don't necessarily feel using them equates to being desperate. It's another way of widening your network of contacts and finding someone with the same interests.
However, the effectiveness of dating apps are another thing though and some does leave much to be desired.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

It's not desperate.
Its pretty normal. But I would only recommend using them if you're either female or in the top 10% of guys in the terms of looks and know how to keep a chat entertaining. Or possibly if you're in or near a city with population larger than 30k.

Otherwise it's better you meet people irl.
You learn more, have better chances and make friends while you do it. Also, no bots or catfishing.

Vviiccttoorr · Answer

Nah, they haven’t worked with my experience. I have a friend where they’ve worked. Not desperate though. I mean there are people who will spend God knows how much on drinks at a bar to find someone (as my mom has said before) but to no avail so dating apps are just another form of dating not desperate. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.

RawIronhide · Answer

I fucking hate them I've been on tinder for five years and I've only talked to three or four Snapchat prostitutes. It doesn't mean you're desperate if you use them but be ready to be dissapointed when you only get matched with people looking for Instagram followers and sex for money. I really see it as the downfall of modern dating and it's destroyed my enthusiasm for dating.

SoapySandwich · Answer

There is nothing wrong with using dating apps. There currently is still a bit of stigma around the whole meeting online thing but I think most have come to accept it as normal.

Personally I prefer meeting people in person, getting to know someone through a dating app I find dull and draining but I would recommend you give it a try and see if it is for you or not

giasadie · Answer

Using dating apps or seeking to find love online through social media is a sign of extreme desperation. There must be something seriously off or crazy about a person that cannot go find a partner in the “real world.” Only people that have issues or losers will look for partners online, it’s last resort. No one tell me otherwise. Well educated people stay away from online dating. No one tell me otherwise.

tireduck · Answer

Honestly, it’s on you on how you want to use dating apps. I say give it a try only live once. I use tinder since it’s pretty easy and common. I use it sometimes to just hang n chill or cuddle with people. Doesn’t always have to be sexual relations unless you want it to be.
It’s only desperate if you are or trying to be.

TheLawAroundHere · Answer

Nope. Found my wife on Plenty of Fish, to tell the truth. And before we settled down, i plowed my way through the local population at my leisure. And between those two times in my life, i met a woman that i could actually date.

So from a random slam piece, to a girlfriend, to a wife... i got what i was after.

bluetoblack99 · Answer

They are only “desperate” if you make them out to be that way. It’s possible you can meet someone decent on one. I have before.

But just a warning. Using a dating app is like swimming though a giant sess pool that occasionally has a pleasant oasis. Most women put little effort into their profiles and/or communicating with matches.

You are younger so you will get matched. Who gives a shit on how you meet a decent girl.

Prof_Don · Answer

Dating apps are a useful secondary source to meet people, I meet my girlfriend of almost 4 years (and going strong) on OKCupid.

However, meeting people in person was always my primary means to meet people. Dating apps are good for “off times”, such as after dinner before bed on a weeknight, to continue to seek new people.

But ALWAYS meet people in person whenever possible!

Massageman · Answer

Some probably just consider it "another app" since there are so many.
I think that for some, they are mistakenly thinking of them as a "last resort". Maybe to boost their "self-esteem", or just to feel as though they are being "relevant" to current societal whims.

FriendlyEnigma · Answer

Not at all, especially not during the Pandemic. Some people (myself included) don't like asking random people for their numbers. If anything i's rather ask out a friend but strangers ain't for me. But online stuff i feel is way easier and less stressful

Katerina_Belle · Answer

No not really. I’ve been using dating for dating and it is one of the most common ways now to meet someone. I don’t really know how to meet someone otherwise tbh

EclecticEmapath1111 · Answer

Only if you don't fill out your profile information or specify what you are looking for and just post penis/vagina pictures. That's pretty desperate I'd say...

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Not really but it rarely works in your favor. I have a full time job where not a single woman works at (due to lack of female applicants) and there are days where I don’t speak to a single woman because I don’t come across any. That would be a good reason to use it in my opinion.

ririissleepy · Answer

I wouldn't say so.  I think most people would prefere to meet their future someone naturally but online has become such a big part of dating... it is not desperate it is normal.

mindNsoul · Answer

I have tried dating apps recently during covid. It was unnatural and too digital for me. So I decided to stop and just wait for covid to pass so I can be out again.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Don’t bother for dates or hookups. Dating apps take an average man and make him feel like nothing. It’s one sided for women. Do it right in person trust me.

taterbot6 · Answer

I don't think so. I have found some pretty cool people that I have been with but its also harder to find a real connection and in some cases the real person.

arceusmaxx · Answer

no. its like exploring and looking what ur options are. its like shopping for different type of guys/girls that will fit your personality. I've been using tinder for a long time and honestly, i found good friends from it. i mean i looking for a boyfriend but those guys never really worked for me but still manage to have a good relationship with them.

Commander_Red · Answer

I wouldn't say it makes you desperate, but there are a lot of desperate people on it.

Anonymous · Answer

Dating apps are full of men, women pick the best out of those men, they're technically unfair and extremely shallow, that's why you feel something is off, just know that each female gets at least 10 matches a day while you might get 0 matches in a week

chris0977 · Answer

Depends on gender. For women, often, it's a funnel of interest & attention by default. For men it's being put in a pile with hundreds of other men fighting for attention.

lumberjack95 · Answer

Biggest waste of time honestly, there is no communication and its more of people trying to scam you than actually people looking for a relationship

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I use dating apps, but I don't enjoy it. It's more like a chore. I only check in every once in a while. It's a depressing experience. It's not something at the top of my list when I wake up every morning. It's not fun.

ProLife · Answer

Yes it is, and only people that lack self confident use dating apps. A person that is confident goes outside and finds partner in the real world. And lastly people that use dating apps are introverts.

Kaamraj · Answer

Dating apps heavily shifts the balance of power (BOP) in the sexual market place towards women. So for the vast majority of men, it's a waste of time.

Hangry22 · Answer

No. Even people in relationships use dating sites. So it's probably a time pass for non singles

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

There's nothing wrong with using dating apps but it can be slightly deflating at times so I wouldn't recommend them for anyone with low self esteem.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I used to think so, but I changed my opinion on that after a while. Really, it's just another means of meeting someone.

Enochian · Answer

I tried tinder, but most people I matched with were only looking for validation. Hence I would not recommend it if you looking to build something real with someone.

BCA6010 · Answer

Not really, though your chances of finding a meaningful relationship are pretty slim especially on the larger apps and sites.

Tslav_ · Answer

If you’re average or ugly yes. It says hey, nobody will touch me in real life. Attractive people just get bombarded with sexual requests regardless of the social environment, just people are more free spoken over the apps

Vide_Noir · Answer

No it isn't desperate. It is basically the same as picking someone up from a bar, club, or blind date and you would know what everyone is there for

mamamai · Answer

Met my one only serious relationship on tinder. It works, you just got to know what you want and not just look for the “fun” person.

Tru-陳 · Answer

look at some of the attention whore women on dating apps and then tell me they're desperate.

peppermintgirl · Answer

in my opinion no not all all its helpful for the people who want to cut the bullshit of wasting time on dates when we both know what that's really for. Like I'm on there to get some head and the dude is probably too so why not get right to it.

Dongtai · Answer

At the very least it’s a sign of impatience or lack of time.

abby172020 · Answer

i think its not being desperate its just wanting love but like it depends

crmoore · Answer

No, it's not. We're at a transitional phase. Finding people the traditional way will still be a thing, but online dating apps will soon be very common and normal, if they aren't already.

Avicenna · Answer

At your age, it’s still easy to meet people in person, so you don’t need to use them

Is using dating apps desperate?

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