Search Results: thinking about past

This is a somewhat new development for me in the past year or so where I have become emotionally detached to a very extreme level from anyone and everyone except one person, my long distance girlfriend who I've now been with for 2 years. I've watched graphic videos for a long time for the purpose of making me numb to the shock of seeing a horrific scene which will aid me in my career field.

I've now gotten to the point where I can see horrific videos that I can acknowledge are terrible and sad yet feel absolutely nothing when watching them. I've considered it fruitless to emotionally attach myself to other individuals other than my girlfriend as doing so would prevent me from serving the greater purpose of chasing evil individuals out of the area and protecting the public.

It's gotten to the point where I dissmiss or even talk down to others who are less analytical than I am. For instance, the George Floyd or Uvalde incidents are often brought up in a manner intended to makeout myself and others in my field to be cowards or murderers. My response is to show statistics on use of force incidents and literally millions of incidents where they did the opposite and defended the public at the expense of their safety, which is their fundamental duty. This is often followed up by me calling into question their lack of critical thinking skills for taking one incident as the example while ignoring millions of incidents where duty was fulfilled.

While I'm 100% correct on that and have no issue calling others out when someone doesn't perform their duty, my response is often seen as cold and condescending. With my girlfriend though, I am fully committed to showing her the love and tenderness she deserves, taking into full account her emotions and leaving no doubt that I love her with all of my heart every day.

I'm starting to question if I've taken this analytical approach too far and have now become a sociopath, do you believe I'm there?

My soul is crushed (and has been) for quite a while now. Back in 2020, I met a girl online who I thought was perfect. She never had a male friend before me, never had a boyfriend or first love, and she was a virgin. We really hit it off and talked almost daily. Sadly, when she met me in person, she rejected me.

Fast forwarding, she recently married a guy who got to be her first everything. I am sick to my stomach to this day thinking about it.

I want to find a woman just like who she was when we first met. I want a decently attractive woman without a romantic past. Do you think she is out there for me?

Recently, I've been reflecting on the past decade of my life. And have come to the realization that it sucked! In 2014, I lost my father. In 2016, I lost my best male friend. In 2021, I lost my best female friend. In 2022, my mother & an old friend developed cancer. If I were superstitious, I would think I have been cursed! Anyone else feel similar or was the past decade good to you?