Search Results: girlfriend and i are different

I went through this about 10 years ago. My then 25 year old girlfriend made more than me when I was 32. But at the time I was pursuing a dream (I was a professional athlete) and I my time was consumed with training. I was no dead beat but I just had a different focus at the time.

I was doing freelance work just to pay the bills and I was struggling. She even offered me money at one time (which extremely kind of her) but it I turned it down out of pride and went further in debt.

Anyway the insecurity was on my side when it can to this (also contributed to our break up). She didn’t care but I did. It had a lot to with being raised to “be a man” when it came to being a breadwinner.

Nowadays I make a lot more money given I’m retired from my sport and have full focus on my career. But I am also a lot more “boring” now since I’m no longer the free wheeling adventurer I once was.

But money is a touchy issue. Form a evolutionary perspective I really do believe most women still subconsciously expect a man to provide for them even it’s unnecessary or impractical. They might get into short term flings with guys who offer other benefits (looks, excitement, adventurer, personality, etc) but when it comes to long term commitments they have a much higher bar on this

I also believe when a woman makes more money then her boyfriend/husband she’s more prone to cheating. Especially if she is comparable to him when it comes to looks (maybe she will stay loyal if she’s physically unattractive compared to him)

In fact I believe it’s unfairly more socially “acceptable” for a woman to do this given the guy is considered a “chump” if he is financial dependent on her. More more acceptable then vice versa.

I have a divorced uncle who worked a low paying his entire life and was supported by his (comparably) rich wife. She was no multi millionaire but she earned a lot more than him.

She ended up cheating on him the entire marriage. He tolerated it because they had kids and he needed support.

I was shocked yesterday when my girlfriend expressed that she thought it was weird that I give a gift AND a card for Christmas, birthdays, etc. (I’m not talking about the generic “Happy Holidays From Our Family To Yours” courtesy cards, I’m talking people you’re close with and exchange gifts with.

I was taught to always buy a card to accompany the gift, and that the card and it’s sentiment is more important than the gift. And when receiving a gift, I was raised to read the card first, take in what’s written in it, and thank the giver, before even opening the present (upon doing so, I’d then thank them for the gift).

In her world, cards are just something you give if you’re not exchanging a gift with someone, just an acknowledgement. If you’re giving a gift, an additional card is unnecessary, unless it’s something like cash or a gift card. And she asked me if I had ever noticed her family doesn’t give me cards with my Christmas gifts, and I guess I haven’t, haha.

I’m not offended by it or anything, I just was surprised because I thought my way was standard. And she said the same, and we’re both questioning it now because we both have small families and subsequently small gift-exchanging circles.

So I’m curious what all of you folks think. Do you give a card AND a gift? Or a card OR a gift? I guess I’m primarily concerned with opinions of people from North American countries/cultures that I’d be around, it might be totally different elsewhere, but all opinions are welcome👍