Search Results: feel bad to see her cry

Background

A few people in my closer relative are diagnosed with personality disorders that are connected to lack of empathy. So now keep that in mind.

My morals:

I strongly believe hurting others is wrong. And I am for punnishing people who do that. I do not believe people change. And I have no empathy for people who do evil actions even if they are trying to change. That's why I'm afraid if I have kids I'd murder them or something if they did something really wrong..

With that being said I only judge people for their actions the same I would judge cancer. I see no difference in a grown person raping a child being killed and someone killing cancer.. they are both alive stuff that do harm.

My traits:

I never felt like I was human.. I mean I feel more like I'm just taking space in a room.. like a gas. I never felt the need to have a partner because I can always hire a cleaner/chef etc.. I believe human kind are evil as a base and everyone are secretly out to get me in the end.

I tend to laugh if someone dies.. in joyful way. Although I cognitivly understand it's horrible and I cognitivly feel bad for that person and their family I never expeience it emotionally. Same way I can be cognitivly stressed but not emotionally..

I can turn on and off my empathy however I want.. and whenever I want. If I focus on my cognitive empathy enough my emotional empathy can grow..

Also one of my parents told me as a toddler I would never cry when they left for work... I don't know if that means anything.

I think I have a very strong cognitive empathy (more than the avarage person) but almost no emotional empathy.. unless I turn it on.

Disclaimer!

I do want to meet the one for me and have kids in the future (problaby). I dont really see the point of life other than success and proving people wrong. That's why I think I be the type to end it all once I reach what I want. But I'm not depressed I just see everything neutral..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I met him during undergrad. Throughout school, I was working part time jobs to help pay for bills whereas he had a luxury to work if he wanted pocket money. I bought him whatever he needed during that time and made him a priority always no matter what without fail whereas he treated me differently. He did spend money on me for gifts but not as significant effort as I put into it. After I graduated, I applied to graduate school since that’s required for my education. I can’t work while in graduate school though because they don’t allow it, but he has a salary job.

He knew my laptop wasn’t working well, so he took it upon himself to help me get a new one which I appreciated. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with the site he was getting it from. He didn’t listen, got it anyway, kept it for a week without making sure if it was working condition, made me drive a long way to him (we live 3 hours away), go home to see it was faulty. I had to return it myself without his help and my family who’ve been making ends met had to step up and get me the device.

I talked to my bf’s friend that works at an electronic store about tablets for school as well to see if there’s deals, and called my boyfriend to inform him I did so. During the call though, he kept saying that I “purposely” make him look bad and was using the victim card. He kept cutting me off and didn’t let me speak. I told him my chest hurts/hyperventilating since I was overwhelmed and he kept going on and on. I cried and that’s when he stopped and made me feel bad for crying, but apologized saying he was “joking.” Afterwards, he “fell asleep” and didn’t let me know beforehand when he was going to bed so I didn’t have to worry. i confronted him about it both but he apologized and doesn’t seem like he understands the magnitude of what he’s done. What should I do? What type of behavior is this? Why is he acting this way?