Disclaimer: Whatever is stated below was written under the assumption of a proper, functioning relationship. Without further ado, here is: The importance of a woman in her man's life, and how she can be a better partner for her man!
Men. What makes them tick? What are they thinking of when they look at me? I am sure that these are among many questions that arise within the female mind when they think about their man. But among those questions, there is one that probably keeps resurfacing throughout a lady's time in a romantic relationship.
What do I mean to this man, and how can I increase my value in his life? And I will try my best to answer that. π
1. You, as a lady, give your man a sense of purpose. Most men in a stable, secure relationship derive a lot of satisfaction from being a part of their ladies' lives. We like to see our ladies happy and smiling, because it tells us we are playing an active role in making her feel good. This is one of the reasons why you will find us being comically stupid around you, trying to make you laugh, especially when you are not in a good mood.
Also, many men in good relationships tend to feel good when they realise that they are putting in good effort, in terms of working towards maintaining the relationship and strengthening it. This could be in the form of working to support the family, helping out with the household chores, or other things. Having this sense of purpose drives men to perform well not only in their careers, but back home with the family as well.
2. You ease his loneliness. Most single men will agree, we all feel extremely lonely at some point in time, and it is a recurrent feeling. Staring up at the night sky during a holiday wishing there was someone we could share the view with, cooking at home and wishing for the laughter and giggles that come with cooking with your partner, or even watching a movie at home aching for the gentle touch we all feel while cuddling with a lady, are just a few examples of how small, minute things remind us that we are alone. Yes, we have our bros, but they just do not cut it sometimes. Ladies, you fill in that gap of loneliness, and it really makes him feel a lot more whole as a person.
3. You ladies are his confidante, a source of emotional safety. Generally speaking, a lot of men grow up knowing only how to suppress emotions which are related to vulnerability, instead of controlling and managing them effectively. As a result we tend to not be expressive of such emotions. Women, knowing how to better express their emotions, may show empathy better, than men do, and often do so on their own accord when they sense something is amiss. This is a key difference between a man confiding in his bros, and his lady.
4. You are his best teammate. When life hits your man in the guts, you are the one he turns to for support. Especially if you already live under the same roof, you are there to help him shoulder some of his responsibilities so he can regroup, recover, and make a comeback.
There's a saying that goes: ζη¦εδΊ«οΌζιΎεε½ (Enjoy prosperity together, Endure hardship together). There may come a point where both of you are walking through a rough patch (e.g. Miscarriage, a job lost, or death of a beloved pet). Maybe, both of you are in a deep well of grief. But, when you slowly walk through that dark valley hand in hand, there's that sense of mutual love and support. And when you finally move out into the sunshine, your relationship is stronger than before, and you have grown closer in love.
5. You are his number 1 fan and cheerleader. You are his inspiration to move forward and conquer new heights, battle new giants and face new challenges. When he is down, you are the one who makes him get up. When there is a frown on his face, you turn it into a smile and light him up.
6. This one is very important. You keep him in check, while encouraging personal growth. When there is something he does that is not right, you tell him and you help him to correct himself. You give him ideas how to do some things in a better way, and cheer him on through his journey to become a better version of himself.
When he does something wrong, you tell him and work with him. When he does something right, you applaud and encourage him. You help him to be a better person.
So, all this said, if you, as a lady, think you can improve to be a better partner, here are some DO's:
A. Respond actively to his efforts to please you. Tell him what you like and do not like. Take some time to show gratitude and appreciation whenever he goes out of his way to improve your day (rhyme intended!).
From time to time, let him know how much you appreciate the sacrifices he has made for your relationship and your family. This can be done in many different ways, such as expressing it verbally while cuddling, cooking up his favourite food, planning and paying for a date (does not have to be expensive!) or buying/making him something meaningful. Spontaneity is your best bet, in this case.
B. Actively plan with him things to do together. Include things that you both enjoy doing, and suggest a few things here and there that play to his interest. This shows that you have his interest at heart, as well as yours, and that you genuinely enjoy life with him. And, tell him what you like, so he can suggest those things in the future as well.
C. Teach him how to express his emotions to you, and let him familiarise with the way you like to express yours to him. Sit down with him and have a good conversation about how his day was, if there is anything that he needed help with, or any undesirable/uncomfortable situation he is facing. Tell him (gently) to just let it out, and that you are not going to judge him. Create a conducive space for him to pour out to you, and for you to pour out to him.
And when he really does not want to talk about it, go make him his favourite beverage and sit/lie there with him. That will help to create that safe space, and tells him that you are there not just to hear him out, but to support him. And even if he just wants to be there and sit in silence, accompany him. It shows that you care. A lot.
Support him the way he wants/needs you to, not just the way you want to!
D. When you both are hitting rough patches, look for him, make sure he knows that you are there for him and you want him to be there for you. Communicate thoroughly, stating clearly what you need from him, and asking clearly what he needs from you. Hug each other, cry with each other. It will make you both feel better. And remember what I said? Making you feel good, will make him feel good as well.
E. Celebrate his successes with him. Be happy for him. Be happy WITH him. And we all know, when he fails, make sure he knows that you are still a constant in his life, that you still love and support him. Ask him what he wants from you.
F. This one is very important. Keep track of your own self and your mental/emotional health. After all, you need to be healthy in these aspects to be able to offer the best quality support and TLC to your man.
Also, keep track of how healthy your relationship is. Is it one-sided? Are both of you putting in your best effort? Are there any elephants in the room, or buried subjects that just cause conflict? One can only give their best to their partner when their relationship is in good health.
And here are some DONT's:
I. Do NOT invalidate his feelings or judge him. It does not matter if your past experiences are worse than his, you are you and he is him. He needs a viable way to release his emotions, even if the problem is less substantial than what you have experienced. An example of this is when talking about getting a vasectomy. Do not mock his reluctance and fear of the procedure just because you have been through worse pain such as childbirth or the effects of the BC pill. Validate his feelings and gently help him to resolve any doubt he has. This approach should be taken any time he has any emotional issues.
II. Do not expect him to conform to your way of expressing emotions. Sure, you can help him to understand how he can express emotions in a way that makes it easier for you to help him, but forcing him to do it in a way that you want, may end up actually pushing him away. Let him do it his way, and stick with him through it. Make it firmly known that you will be there for him.
Support him the way he wants/needs to be supported, not just the way you want to!
III. Do not start a competition over everything. If he achieves success in some area, celebrate with him. Inspire him to aim further and higher, not by competing (this is an outright indicator of jealousy and should be addressed with a relationship/marriage counsellor), but instead by cheering him on and rooting for him.
IV. Do NOT neglect him when life hits you hard. When life slaps shit in your face, remember what I mentioned earlier. Making you happy makes him happy as well. The opposite is also true. When you are sad, he will also be sad. Allow him to do what he does to make you feel better, and tell him what you want from him.
In the event where both of you are sharing a bad experience like what I mentioned earlier, this becomes even more important. Yes, he will probably put your emotional well-being before his own, but keep in mind that he is also really feeling it. Remind him that you still care about his emotions, and that you want him to feel better as much as he wants you to. Like I said, cry with each other. Hug each other. It makes your bond stronger.
V. Do not make the relationship about you receiving from him (kind of a no-brainer, really). Make it about giving to each other. Reciprocate his effort. Give as much as feasibly possible. And make sure he knows why you give. Because YOU LOVE HIM to bits.
VI. Do not get mad at him when he tries to find solutions to your problems. I understand, sometimes we all want someone to just listen. It does get easy sometimes, to just rage at him and claim that he is not listening, isn't it? But that should not be the case. True, it is imperative that he be attentive, but tell him directly that you just want him to listen and empathise. And highlight EXACTLY what you want him to listen out for and pay extra attention to. Trust me, guys really cannot read in between the lines.
To be very honest, over years of observation across various relationships, I have come to realise one thing. There are just so many things that a woman can bring into a man's life that she (or even her man, for the matter of fact) does not realise, means a great deal to him. And, what I have stated is just skimming the top! So ladies, know that you are capable of bringing him so much joy, and my lads out there, make sure you show some appreciation to your partner for the way she has improved your life!
(And maybe the lads out there feeling they are not getting what they deserve from their ladies, can show them this post π€π€π)
Leave an opinion down below! Share your thoughts, add some pointers, tell me what you think!
#love#couples
Links for photos and GIFs (in order of progression):
https://weheartit.com/entry/37073641
https://www.stockunlimited.com/image/couple-having-fun-cycling-in-the-park_1680542.html
https://twitter.com/letustalks/status/1439807771772289030
https://wifflegif.com/gifs/538196-couple-hugging-amazing-hug-gif
Most Helpful Opinions