Dislike of children is reasonable

[NicknameShirt]

Controversial opinion, or not?
A disclaimer: Children have equal moral worth to adults, I wish children nothing but love, respect, and it is never ever justified to harm a child. Just in case you think I am suggesting that disliking children equals to wishing them ill or justifying bad treatment. It does not.

Six months ago, I got into a relationship with a wonderful, loving woman I adore. She is a single mother to a daughter, 7 years old. This has opened my eyes to how it is to live with a child. Put forthrightly, I think it's 90% unpleasant, annoying and sometimes horrible.

Her daughter, like most children, is very loud, selfish, ungrateful, dramatic, attention seeking, messy, destructive and manipulative. Children aren't rational. They don't know what is truly in their interest. The aren't emotionally mature, and don't understand bounderies, fairness, respect for others or self-control. Neither are they mentally developed, so to talk to them is often frustrating. A child, objectively, is a person who is emotionally immature, mentally undeveloped and irresponsible. Obviously we can't expect children to just be fully developed at birth, in these aspects. But it means that when you are living with a child, you are living with another person who is extremely demanding, disrespectful and immature, and that is extremely draining.

Me and my girlfriend had two weeks this summer when her daughter was with her dad across the country. Me and my girlfriend had the time of our life. We spoke like adults, we were able to be ourselves, we had peace, were intimate, took trips and were wonderful with each other. Everything me and my girlfriend shares between us thrives when we can simply be our adult selves together, in peace.

Her daughter fills every single moment of her waking time with sound. Every. There is not a minute without pointless sound. Repetative stomping, weird squicky voices, hitting a pencil in the floor – you name it. She, like most kids, has an insatiable desire to entertain herself and attract attention from adults. After my girlfriend is done with her 6-7 hours of work, and comes home to make a healthy, tasty dinner for her and her daughter, the chances are high her daughter will throw and ungrateful crying fit because it isn't exactly the food she prefers. When she is asked to clean her mess after eating, she throws a crying fit over that. When any of her dumb, irrational preferances aren't met, there is a crying fit. I hate it. I woke up to one this morning..

I love her daughter, but I don't like that she is a child. I dislike children. I always have done, even when I was one myself. I wish her nothing but the best. I hope she thrives, feels supported and loved, and I hope she grows up to he a healthy adult. But that doesn't mean I desire to be around kids.

Generally, I think it is reasonable to desire respecful, calm, mutually supportive relationships. I have goals and passions in my life. I want to surround myself with people who allow and support my in pursuit of those. I want to have quiet and peace when I get home from work. I don't want to be manipulated into fulfilling peoples unhealthy whims. I like to be an adult, who can speak about meaningful, intimate matters with those closest to me. I want to watch good movies, go on dates, have hobbies and my being and life respected by others.

What I wrote above, is incompatible with living with kids. And that is just tragic. It breaks my heart to see what my girlfriend has lost to being a parent. All her passions, her capacity to be a resource to the world, her dreams of becoming something great, her health, her vitality. It has all taken a back seat to being a parent. I wish I could see my girfriend thrive for who she is, like she does every night after her daughter goes to bed. I wish she got to live in a house that was quiet, clean and cosy for her. I wish she had the energy to dance, laugh and explore the world with me. I wish her day wasn't filled with crying fits, shouting, resistance. I don't think it is inherently good to have children. Only if the parents are absolutely dedicated to give themselves up, and feel enormous purpose in raising another unneccecary point of need in this world.

I, for one, don't desire to do that. I want to give myself to those already in need, in whos aid I can have my autonomy, my bounderies respected, have a quiet room, be myself. And I can't see how that is unreasonable, rather, it seems rational, responsible and more compassionate.

[sunflower00]

I do agree, it is worded sort of harshly in a way as it’s not the child’s fault it acts like a child and they can absolutely be amazing but they are so much work, effort, you can’t have adult conversations around them, they’re exhausting, loud, messy, etc.


Huge well done to parents, I really appreciate how much effort it must take to raise a child. I’m really happy for parents who wanted children and love children.


I have a 3 year old brother and I’m the same way, I love him to pieces, but I’m not sure I could handle a child 24/7. I go along to my dad’s house to visit and after a couple hours of listening to screaming, crying, having to run around, not able to actually communicate properly with my dad or his partner it does get tiring. I appreciate that children are children, they have energy, they’re cute, they’re learning about the world, they don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t hate children. I don’t wish children any harm or wrong. They are amazing in their own way. I just personally don’t really like being around children too much and find it incredibly exhausting, and don’t want my own children (any time soon anyway). I think it’s perfectly reasonable as long as you don’t actually show any dislike or negative feelings/emotions to the children. I would always treat them with so much love and respect as that’s what they deserve.

[NicknameShirt]

I agree! Glad I'm not alone. I realize it sounds a little harsh when you explain why you don't like children. I don't blame kids of being kids. I just don't like their particular traits. I whish them all the best, really. Just get exhausted around them.

[sunflower00]

Yes me too, I guess I don’t dislike kids necessarily but I don’t like their particular traits or being around them for extended periods of time haha. Might also have to do with my emetophobia though and the fact that kids get unwell often and don’t have the best hygiene too

[A_Bell]

Sounds like you need to grow up a bit.

Many things in life are annoying, such as work, chores, visiting relatives, etc. We do them, though. You just sound like you don't have the patience to work through this limited time period for someone you supposedly care about. It sounds like you care for what she can do for you.

Maybe you try to exclude the child and the child senses it. Thus she makes noise to capture her mother's attention. The girl only has her mother, unlike you, she can't just choose to walk away because you ard inconvenient.

Sounds like this woman could find a better, more supportive fish. Not supporting her daughter means not supporting her.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Why blame it on children when they know nothing? It's the parents responsibility and their choice for bringing up children in here and if they cannot even raise them right then that's their fault. You know you were once a child. Every adult was

[NicknameShirt]

I made it clear in the text that I don't blame the child for being a child. Nobody is to blame. I just don't like the traits particular to children, despite it not being their fault they are like that. Thanks for your thoughtful opinion, though :)

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Still you cannot generalize that all children are raised bad. That is like saying if you are a man who dislike women or vice versa and call it reasonable.

[Hypermotard1916]

f (off), only children hate children, If you cannot take responsibility of child then you are a child indeed. It is your duty to guide them to adulthood.

I have not even read a single word just to disrespect you hahaha...

[A_Bell]

He's a man-child. He sounds like s child might tough his action figured or interupt his video game time.

[Hypermotard1916]

@A_Bell yes it is unfortunate though...

[Pleaznhim4me]

People do not have to like children. They do not have to like anything or anyone. As long as they do not harm them or harass them it is not a problem. People are entitled to feelings. They are not entitled to have everything on the world altered due to there feelings. It’s the way of life. Don’t like kids. Don’t have them. Stay away from them. Can’t avoid every one of them. But we all share this planet so figure out how your going to deal. But you don’t have to like them.

[AndrésC64]

I don't think you are unreasonable in your feelings. That's one of the reasons I never wanted the kids. Some people are made for that kind of stuff and love it, some people aren't. There's nothing wrong with that.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

I let a kid eat a happy meal in my backseat once I don’t know how he did it but I gave him one pack of sauce and he somehow managed to cover not only his face and clothes but my entire backseats with it

[babe444]

Not every child is that way. And often people when they say they hate children, it's more of parents they hate because of how spoilt and inconsiderate their child is. It might be it's character or her mom is genuinely doing her part wrong, or both.

[A_Bell]

Sounds like this woman trained her daughter to get attention this way.

[Monalisa77]

Its the parents fault if a child can't be respectful

[AngryCarl]

If kids are obnoxious it's because of bad parenting. Kids are just following the example of the nearest adult.