Search Results: internet relationships

So I have dated very few people and only really thought of it after knowing them a long time ‘& only by the time I was already falling in love or already IN love, tho still was not ready for a relationship and even ambivalent about just dating. I have never ever dated to experience & learn better how to date- dating was only after thought to my interest in a specific person.

it occurred to me that this can be very problematic. If you very rarely like anyone I think you can have a false- positive impression of their character. Just bc I’m so very rarely interested in someone this does not mean that anyone I AM interested in os necessarily good for me as a person/ partner or is even a good person at all.

And ultimately in my opinion experience is crucial. Every train wreck I’ve encountered on romantic scenarios was not due to anyone being evil but bc I had no clue WTF I was doing bc I was not used to caring about someone that I was also “into”. And I was extremely uncomfortable dealing with certain inevitable vulnerability etc plus brain freeze 😂

Anyhow , I think in interest of self development & interpersonal capability , I should consider dating as part of regular life & not a rare artifact that maybe I’ll encounter in a lifetime.

Now, when I say date I mean meeting you getting acquainted. I do not mean hook ups or vetting people for whatever agenda. Just getting to know people in a romantic contexts.

Of course I’ll be upfront so no one’s tine will be wasted if they are expecting sex or something heavily physical quickly. I’m Audi not interested in anyone paying for anything so no one is getting explored with no return.

Would it bother you to be asked out by someone who wasn’t blown away by you but was open to getting to know you?

For me it’s a sheer 10 it will trump pretty much any other trait. I get used to people being abut sh! tty or like wheee they are tying to be kind but it’s a chore. Once in a while you cone across a truly kind person where you can see the joy they get in just being at peace with people & it is so beautiful. Kind of intoxicating.

I do not mean weak or ineffectual. Kindness in my opinion different than “being nice” comes with wisdom and strength inherent within & it isn’t arbitrarily doled out in any situation that calls for something more.

Anyhow, I think it’s kind of tropes like everyone wants someone kind but very often not what people end up going for - which is curious. And I’m saying after the facade is broken and whomever was pretending to be kind really isn’t. I don’t think that in itself drives everyone away tho logically, it should.

Tho I suppose shouldn’t be surprising as there is a general social incoherence regarding what seems good snd preferable with what we gravitate towards, and perhaps this is learnt…Stuff we are chastised as children for going to other children is encouraged once we reach adulthood. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the most awkward is inbetween. So like when someone says kinda cliche date-like questions but is also very uncomfortable with the situation. Rather than either being very much in their element in dating, or taking it slow.

For me I prefer to be friends first so even if I ask soneobe out or vice herds, I do best in the friendly realm initially. I think of dating as ‘friendship with potential’. So I would not date someone I wasn’t friends with but I also do not automatically switch gears if we are dating.

I understand this is not ideal for many snd rewuires a lot of patience for something that might go no where. I’m not in a rush for any kind of relationship so this gives me some flexibility , I suppose.

Brief Update on situation with the guy of the “ based in the recent 5 posts…” series 😂

****We met up today but I kept it very normal like how we used to be when we were friends. We mostly played basket ball. Talked a bit. But normally. It went well was more natural & he did not weirdly randomly try to kiss or hug me —which in this case is a good thing 😊😊

So I don't know basically we see each other on Wednesday’s. I don't know if it will turn into full fledge dating. I’m not exactly in the right space for that but as for how things are as of now, it’s good. So maybe down the line. We’ll see.

…and no need to worry bc of the posts 👍🏼 There were several posts bc the convo was 12,000 characters & posts are only 2,000–Not bc I was 5 posts worth of worried 😄I was setting a debate with a friend. I am not nor was I so much worried the guy is not honest it was more to see what other people thought bc my friend who is very observant normally, thought he was dishonest or will be trouble in future.

…. In my opinion initially he was acting unnatural and he probably is somewhere inbetween the first date where he presented as very traditionally and the second where he implied very loose character.

1 🤔 while you were single, were you still having sex?

2 OK sooo I do have friends with which there is a mutual attraction but where neither of us see a relationship working out and sometimes we “spend time together.”

1 So would you let me know if you were still “spending time together” if I decided I was ready to date (in future)

2 wouldn’t be “spending time together”

with them if You told me you wanted to date me.🙂

🤨 Well, what if I (in future) decided to date but I am not “ready to spend time together” ?

(SEX y’all we mean sex. In case anyone didn’t catch it. “Spending time together” was the euphemism P 1 originally used for banging his friends, & I was repeating for consistency)

2 If I have a reason to wait, I can wait. But we don’t really have to worry about that at this point.

1 🤨🧐😐 Wait so then why did you go through all that stuff in the first place about how you hope you can marry while your grandparents are still here. You seem fairly casual so I don’t see why you felt the need to mention it. I wouldn’t have even been concerned about any of this 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 Well honestly they are relatively young so they have time. And while I really mean it I also do not believe in forcing things… So I am hopeful but careful.

1 Ok

2 Ok

2 … So… what now 😐

1 I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️ 👀

(Quiet for a long time)

2 Are you ready to go home? I will walk you. You are welcome to stay but it’s a bit late. I know you get up early af)

(So he walks me 🏡 I was quiet during)

2 OK so no kiss but Can I hug you😁?

1 hmm OK. maybe. ok NO. OK. 🤔

2 Are you sure? 👀

1 I think so? I don't know. nvm. Well, Uhh — maybe next time. Sorry not feeling it atm. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2 It’s OK. 😌

(He buttoned my top coat buttons which was a bit weird 👀 but I guess it’s something to do I don't know)

2 You will be at your tree 🌲 tomorrow?

1 Yeah… 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 See you on my way to work. You can tell me If you want to hang out / when you want to, yeah?

So we said good night. 🌚

Disclaimer: I DO NOT. I’m asking this bc i find it peculiar many people have this mind set & are bothered by someone providing pertinent data as if it is a decision. With so many playing games. I think honesty is refreshing.

Being upfront about personal relationship goals on the second date seems very early for some, for others it is just being efficient and not wasting time. Yea you can develop feelings for the person and perhaps give up stuff important to you, but I think many people don’t want to fall into that trap - which I understand.

I can see both approaches having merit. Being open free and seeing how things go not worrying about the future until you know how you feel is one technique tho probably best suited to 15-26 year olds or people for whom relationships are not a priority. Life keeps moving and while you’re seeing “how things go” with someone you may end up not wanting to be with bc turns out tho you fell in love, you want very different things— other people are meeting people they settle with who might’ve been a really good fit for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Being upfront knowing what you want sure saves a lot of hassle - tho not everyone reacts well. & perhaps what you want changes. I think with major things like sex or marriage it’s crucial to be on the same page. I understand bringing it up as early as possible it is very unlikely to change. You may agree to compromise, but it may be to the point either or both are miserable.

If a guy doesn’t tell me what’s important to him up front, that’s fine as long as it doesn’t Interfere with my ability to make an informed decision. Likewise, If he tells me straight up on say date two or three, that’s fine too —unless his actions betray his words. Then he’s not being upfront he’s being shifty.

But to be upfront, I would not see that as needy or desperate & I CERTAINLY not as indicative of having made up his mind about ME. 😂