Do you find you do better with dating if you act like friends initially, or go full on date mode?

Question

I think the most awkward is inbetween. So like when someone says kinda cliche date-like questions but is also very uncomfortable with the situation. Rather than either being very much in their element in dating, or taking it slow.

For me I prefer to be friends first so even if I ask soneobe out or vice herds, I do best in the friendly realm initially. I think of dating as ‘friendship with potential’. So I would not date someone I wasn’t friends with but I also do not automatically switch gears if we are dating.

I understand this is not ideal for many snd rewuires a lot of patience for something that might go no where. I’m not in a rush for any kind of relationship so this gives me some flexibility , I suppose.

Brief Update on situation with the guy of the “ based in the recent 5 posts…” series 😂

****We met up today but I kept it very normal like how we used to be when we were friends. We mostly played basket ball. Talked a bit. But normally. It went well was more natural & he did not weirdly randomly try to kiss or hug me —which in this case is a good thing 😊😊

So I don't know basically we see each other on Wednesday’s. I don't know if it will turn into full fledge dating. I’m not exactly in the right space for that but as for how things are as of now, it’s good. So maybe down the line. We’ll see.

…and no need to worry bc of the posts 👍🏼 There were several posts bc the convo was 12,000 characters & posts are only 2,000–Not bc I was 5 posts worth of worried 😄I was setting a debate with a friend. I am not nor was I so much worried the guy is not honest it was more to see what other people thought bc my friend who is very observant normally, thought he was dishonest or will be trouble in future.

…. In my opinion initially he was acting unnatural and he probably is somewhere inbetween the first date where he presented as very traditionally and the second where he implied very loose character.

Jamie05rhs · Accepted Answer

I do better with a clearly defined situation. So if we're just friends (no chance ever, period; she thinks I'm ugly and gross), call it that. If it's inconclusive and we're trying to just talk and hang out and see how things go, call it that. If she at any point decides that she likes me and therefore I have a chance and therefore I need to start giving her more attention and actually investing in her, she should notify me of that update. If, later on, she wants us to start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, she should notify me of that as well.
In other words, I'm okay with any situation as long as people are honest with me and they communicate well.

However, I will say this, I generally am not good with a friendship as a trial period for a relationship. It just doesn't work that way for me. Because if you say "friends," I'm going to think zero effort, 100% platonic, no flirting, no spice, no chivalry, stay closed off, stay "professional," no sharing of personal information, no sharing of feelings. So she'll never really get to know the real me. She will only ever know my "boring" side. (So, if she's trying to conduct an experiment to see if she catches "feelings," I can tell you right now that she won't. The experiment will fail.)

Sevenpointfive · Accepted Answer

definitely friendship first to get to know them. you find all of your questions answered. if you are compatible then you move on to dating.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The problem with doing the friends mode first is that many women assume that a guy isn't interested if he isn't tryng to have sex or at least a heavy makeout session by the third date, so guys assume they need to be assertive in expressing their physical attraction to a lady. On a first date, I want to hold her hand at dinner. At the end of the date, I will walk her to her car and hope to give her a passionate goodnight kiss if I sense that she is receptive. At the least, I would want a non-slobbery goodnight kiss on the lips. By the third-fifth date, if I feel attracted and I want to date exclusively, when I give her a goodnight kiss, I whisper in her ear something to the effect of "yes, I'm a gentleman, and I'll wait until you let me know you're ready but. . . when you're ready, I want you!" I've never had a lady take offense at that. I've waited four or five months before a relationship became physical, but she knew I wanted her.

Lliam · Answer

I always looked at dating as a way of getting to know someone with the hope of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

I didn't need to be secure in the fact that we were good friends before going on a first date. A date was no big deal. It didn't imply commitment. And I didn't expect anything in return for paying for the date.

I didn't know all of my dates initially. I just asked them out because they were attractive.

I'd ask them on a date. We'd chat and, if we got along, we'd plan another date. If that went well, we'd continue dating. Both of us had the same motive, to meet someone we wanted to get into a committed relationship with.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

If men try friendship first, that is all it will ever be. Women won't see them on the light of a boyfriend or sexual partner if they don't show intent and balls to shoot their shot. Playing it safe is guaranteed failure.

Fail early move on to the next, but men NEED to make their intentions clear to avoid wasting time for both parties.

mickmrly · Answer

I'd say in between, because dating is essentially forming a very strong friendship anyway. This friendship to full on dating just sounds like going slow and steady but with different words. Just because you are dating doesn't mean you have to jump on each other the 3rd time you meet or something. Just go a speed that both of you can agree on and enjoy.

Anonymous · Answer

I would probably say friends initially. I don't really go in with a set plan per se, because I have no idea how she's going to feel about me let alone know how I'll feel about her. But fast women do turn me off. Trust is a big thing to me in relationships. If I find her actions unnatural and feel she's plotting then I really can't feel close to her.

Havthrills · Answer

I don't think I can vote cause I don't know what full on date mode is. Also, I've only been on dates after being with her for a bit. So we already know each other. Makes me wonder how to even get a date. Should I ask someone out?

loveslongnails · Answer

I've never in my life been "friends" with a girl for a while and ended up dating her. If I'm attracted to a girl in a way I wish to explore, I just ask her out. If she says no, I won't end up being her "friend" either, more than likely.

Part2603 · Answer

If you think you're not dating him I have a bridge to sell you.

I've told all the nervous lads and ladies out there, "If the 'dating' rituals make you uncomfortable, then you don't have to 'date', just hang out."

Boomer dating rituals are long gone.

That said, just because he didn't "ask you out" and just because he and you aren't sitting at a restaurant, doesn't mean that you can't find meaning and significance in the time you spend together.

lightbulb27 · Answer

it's awkward until you're official because there's all these questions. I think you just have to be loose and let it flow in the moment. For you, it may be easier making a declaration, sign a paper or something. make it fun.

Anonymous · Answer

“So I would not date someone I wasn’t friends with but I also do not automatically switch gears if we are dating.”

That’s so bizarre to me. The world is full of men, but you want to hang out and form a friendship first? Like how do you ever meet anyone or do you just date people you were in school with or something?

humanearth · Answer

I just was myself, either dating or not dating You get me as me

TallAnon · Answer

I'm not good at romance, giving a fuck about anything is really hard. So I'll likely have to put up some front and if I'm gonna do that, I might as well put up a front that'll make em like me.

Philyouup · Answer

i find i do better when i be myself , i am affable, friendly, good natured. And of course respectful.

Summeroflove · Answer

It just depends. Sometimes friendships turn into something more. Other times not

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

If i want a friend than i'll treat the person as a friend and if i want a date than i'll be searching for a date cause a date will become a friend too 🙂

MysticDevice · Answer

I feel I do better being friends first. I mean you gotta know if you get along before gettimg serious.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Just date to many of my female friends are married so that's is happening a date with them or the ones who have boyfriends

DancingQueen16 · Answer

I think a relationship will work better if your best friends first because the last relationship I was in we were best friends for 7 years before we became a couple

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Friendship leading up to dating works best.

HaveNoName · Answer

The slower it starts, the better it develops.

Do you find you do better with dating if you act like friends initially, or go full on date mode?

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