Search Results: some people are better off alone

Don't get me wrong, I don't avoid other guys, and I get along just fine with other guys. But it seems that all my closest friends seem to all be women with the exception of like 2 or 3.

I'm not even necessarily effeminate, not by a long shot, but I'm not "as manly" as American society expects me to be. I don't mind playing sports with a few friends once in a while, but I definitely don't watch sports, and I don't know a lot about them besides a few basic rules. I also couldn't care less for anything car related. Sure, I can fix things around the house, but that's because I kind of have to, not because I'm "trying" to be manly.

My interests all tend to be associated with nerds or with geeks, neither of which are effeminate, but not manly either. Writing, drawing, singing, cooking, playing video games, analyzing TV shows/movies, reading, making comics, swimming, walking for exercise, etc.

This alone probably isn't why I tend to get along better with girls though. The reason is because I'm very expressive of my emotions and like to give people compliments, and among-st other guys this tends to come off as "gay."

Close guy friends also tend to insult each other a lot, and though I can appreciate it in moderation, in my opinion if excessive it can get old and FAST. And the majority of my male friends can't go without saying something like, "Hey what took you so long you fucking cock sucking son of a bitch" when seeing each other. Some may find it genuine and lovely among-st bros, but I was never a fan.

And as such... I get along better with girls, and my closest friends are almost all girls. We tease each other once in a while, but we can also conversate normally and compliment each other as well. Guys often seem to have like an 80% balance of just pure insulting, which turns me off.

Is this a bad thing though?

I know this is a depressing topic, I just need to vent right now. I feel like a fucking robot going through my shitty life. I'm unattractive, everything I do is pretty much pointless since we live on a dying planet anyway. Everything has lost it's fun. I don't care about my hobbies anymore. I'm too fucking lazy to write shitty books or do pointless activism. I'm a fucking joke in the dating world. I'm poor and I don't have my own house. Pretty much all music, movies, and video games have lost interest. The only thing I look forward to is dying so I don't have to be a part of this shitty world anymore, because I don't want to be here anymore anyway. My ideal life at this point is living alone in some shitty apartment with a job that involves as little human interaction as possible so that I could just die alone in peace, which why even exist at all? I guess the only reason I haven't done it yet is because I'm scared. People always feed me bullshit about "Everyone is important" and sanctity of life shit, but honestly I think my life doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I mean, I'm a rape baby that was shit out of someone's vagina, it's not my job to be here and suffer because ungrateful shitheads would miss me. If I can't handle the way the world is, and I'd rather not exist than pretend to be happy at a shitty job around people I hate, why is it my responsibility to exist in a world where I'm not appreciated or needed? Is there anyone that feels the same? Do you think everything would be better if you never existed at all? & don't tell me the world is better because my hateful bitter ass is here to suffer in it. I don't want to be around any of you fuckers I just want to die.