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I dunno why being a loner is mostly seen as a bad thing. I have been a loner for a considerable amount of time (after I was done with being Mr. Popular). Surprisingly, I grew more popular when I became a loner.
By 'loner', I don't mean to say that I became a ghost and literally didn't talk to anyone. I just started enjoying my own space and realized that this is the thing I always wanted. I have enjoyed bits of every part of my life and learnt many things on the way (whether it be being a quiet nerd, a supposed player, the leader of the clique of the bullies, the popular yet the mysterious guy or whatever, keeping my natural charm in place š) but I gotta admit, the most likeable one was when I became a loner. People still talked to me but I never tried to fit any of them in my life. So here are some things I enjoyed the most (gonna debar myself from sounding pessimistic as much as I can, this post isn't about pessimism):
1. Independence
I really liked this advantage over anything. Being free just feels so good. No commitments, no promises, not feeling responsible for anyone else, doing whatever the hell you want, no expectations from others, no explanations to give for your actions.. I can go all day.
Your plans aren't dependent on someone else's 'yes' or 'no'.
2. No drama
Having fewer people in your life means having lesser drama. No people, no drama, simple and straight.
All you gotta care about is your emotions. Zero fucks given about others.
3. Being self reliant
You gotta do what you gotta do. You know for sure that the doer of the work that needs to be done for you is you. Hence you don't have to rely on someone else's word of mouth which generally leads to a disappointment. There is absolutely no guarantee that the other person is going to do your work for you no matter how promising he/she seems. Seeing someone else break their promise for the first time is always amazing to watch but you don't know when their first time is going to come. To prevent all that hassle which comes from worries, work for yourself so that you can at least learn to trust yourself.
4. No pretentiousness and efforts to impress anyone
High school was all about gaining approval of people, doing things to impress other kids (especially of the opposite gender).
Now I was one of the few kids who exist in every school and don't really give a fuck about anyone's opinion about them.
And there are the wannabes who say they that don't give a fuck but their life is governed by the very fucks given by other people. Thankfully, I was nothing like them, I just couldn't be. I for once thought that I might get along with them (a loner-loner friendship maybe? It doesn't hurt to try) but they proved out to be posers who thought they were actually pulling it off impressing others in an attempt to seem mysteriously attractive. I can't relate too much to them but I don't know what exactly they want from their lives. Lying to oneself is the most duplicitous thing a person can do.
5. Deeper thoughts
It was really hard for me to find a person with whom I can have an intelligent conversation (not necessarily regarding academics) and resonate my humour. Being around people who don't understand a word of your sarcasm you deliver and sit numb for the next one minute until they burst their asses out to laughter is such a bore.
On top of that, seeing others coming up with their best in order to compete and still failing to do so is such an awkward show to watch.. *feels the cringe*.
Being alone however, gave me more room to think about self defined philosophies on deeper and more satisfying levels. It was a much needed space which I always wanted and could never imagine to make it possible when I was friends with people.
6. Getting to know yourself better and more introspection
Away from all that shit people do on daily basis you can't get a good grip on which makes you think 'how could someone put so much efforts in not being who they actually are and work so hard to try and fit in for so many useless things (to me)?', you find a really comforting position (I did). Thinking straight while being in solitary is such a bliss. It gives you more time for self development without feeling prone to be manipulated by anyone. You have all the time in the world to point out flaws within you. You don't care about impressing anyone right? Put it to a good use. Draw out every single and minute flaw within you which bothers your ways of living. Now... erm.. work upon improving yourself for your own good? Duh.
7. No insecurities
My insecurities are on high alert when I need to trust someone and/or need to let my self go. Having no one to trust means having minimal insecurities.
8. Confining yourself to yourself
It can be a good and a bad thing at the same time. Go through the toughest times of your life alone, and you will stay safe inside the 'walls' you build around your own. No one can breach in and hurt you.
The con is, you may scare a genuine person away who actually cares for you. Here's a conflict, will that person be the 'right' person if he/she gives up on you easily? Are you unnecessarily making things hard for you and them by staying confined to yourself ? Well you gotta find that on your own. It's okay to go with the flow when you want certain things in your life. Being alone can help you find out who you really are so that is a good thing as you won't go out your way to impress anyone since it isn't your habit. If you realize that you don't have impress anyone (and have an actual belief in it), then you have a really good control on yourself. The easier you feel like needing to control yourself, the better. If you hope to find the right person and successfully find one, you will be relaxed that the person chose you for you being you. I can imagine the absolute peace and comfort that lies in that situation but let's get back to the relevant topic? Okay good. You may or may not find that person for you but don't be solely driven by the fact that you won't find anyone.
Let's just leave some positivity in unpredictibility.
9. Exploring things in your own way
Dunno if it is only me or someone else can grab the actual feel of the place too when they are alone. Travelling different places is one of the things I have always wanted to do and I don't see anyone with me doing that. Just me and the place and the things to do there with a couple of people I might communicate with.
10. Having more time to chase your dreams/build your career
Okay so I don't have anyone I give a fuck about and I don't like myself being unsuccessful or unentertained. Grabbing my books to make my career, listening to music, working out to stay fit, playing video games etc is what best suits me. The glory in the end will be all mine but hard work is the key!
Know your goals, plan your approach and get to it! Be sure to be healthy too. It's all good to love yourself healthy.
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This take was written for the purpose of highlighting the perks of being a loner. As of now, I'm not a loner that I used to be but I still prefer loneliness mostly and after the first time I became a loner, I got addicted to it. I do have friends (some are comparably close), but still not close enough. Friends just come and go in your life so nothing is permanent. In fact,
Change is the only constant.
The more adaptable you become, the better. Being with people I can't connect with doesn't suit me (that's just me) but it still doesn't prevent me from going out and explore. It's good for people that they happen to find long term understanding friendships with *a lot of communication*. So far, it hasn't been true for me. I have friends from very old times but we don't usually talk.
So if you happen to be a loner even after putting in efforts in order to fit in, don't sweat it. Howbeit, being a loner isn't a crime. Enjoy it.
But
No matter how much of a loner you are, you have to learn to know how to communicate with others in order to get your things done at times (for example, asking for directions at an unknown place, you don't wanna babble there lol).
And as I said in point #3, you don't have to rely on someone. But you can always learn to use people once you get to know your capabilities after being alone and start socializing slowly.. enough to get certain things done for you, having a back up plan for every time you use others; just in case if the person fails to do your work.
Preferring to be alone all the time is okay but you should know how to socialize enough to not let it desist you from going ahead.
That's all peeps.
Hope you enjoyed it.
The End.
~ItsTheNephilim
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