Search Results: qualities in guys

I was chubby growing up & always assumed losing weight would result in getting more attention from quality guys (not counting the catcalling that happened when I’d go to NY). Now, here I am at almost 30, in a taller/slimmer body (women’s US 10) & I’ve never been approached by a guy I’d actually consider dating. I used to get more attention (but not much compared to other women I knew) but it was usually from questionable guys. And I’m told I’m attractive yet these women I knew would get an abundance of attention from guys. While people told me I was more attractive than these women & these guys that approached them would eventually show they wanted a *good time* a majority of the time, I just never understood why I always seem to be overlooked by guys. On occasion, people would tell me that this & that guy would be looking at me/found me attractive, those were the same guys I found attractive but they NEVER made it known to me directly. I should feel better about myself & while I’ve become more comfortable in my skin over the years, this is truthfully an insecurity that I don’t think I’ll ever completely overcome. Am I just unlucky? Or are most women really that fortunate to have their pick of the litter? I’ve gotten attention from attractive guys on dating apps but it doesn’t hold the same value to me, compared to if those same guys approached me in person. When I say *approached*, I mean in any imaginable scenario: clubs, bars, grocery shopping, coffee shops etc.

As of recently, my popularity has dwindled on the dating apps & I’m unsure of the exact cause. Is it my age? As I look the same & I haven’t moved yet things went downhill a few months ago. I mainly use hinge & noticed this drought on all the other apps too, which makes me even more worried considering it seems to be across all platforms. Because of this, I’ve also been second guessing my decision to brush off the guys that previously showed interest in me. At the time I was somewhat interested in a few but either I wasn’t in the mood/doubtful because of negative dating app experiences I dealt with at that time/was too anxious. I question if I genuinely feel regret because this is a delayed reaction or if I’m reminiscing/liking the idea of them since things aren’t going my way at the moment. How can someone be told they’re “attractive” yet quality guys NEVER show them interest in person? If I got attention from these guys from the apps in person, maybe I wouldn’t be as anxious.

29F & I’ve always had this type of deep rooted anxiety when it comes to relationships, I’ve always been a loner & not the friendliest I suppose, to the point where I’m currently content with online/gamer “friends”. There’s this part of me though, that struggles with knowing I’ll never find romantic love. I’m very sure I’m only romantically attracted to men but in a way, I question at times if I really want to be with one long term. Let’s start with: I’m not very affectionate, I don’t trust easily, I get turned off quickly by “innocent” cocky or conceited banter, I’m very antsy about intimacy & not crazy about sex/masturbation to begin with. These might all seem like cop outs because I truly feel the right person will change how I feel about all these “issues”. As a woman I don’t think it’s that rare to not really have much of a sex drive, I keep hearing stories about other women in the same boat that meet their husbands & realize they weren’t “asexual” after all.