Me and my boyfriend are currently in India visiting his family and doing some touristy bits ourselves. His friend who is also from India asked him to bring some personal things home for him if his sister delivers them to us at Delhi airport, and when I say personal things I mean 6 shirts and 3 pairs of jeans. He lives in Europe, so shirts and jeans aren't exactly hard to come by.
And not only that but the friend said he would meet us at the airport in Europe to collect his clothes!
I like the guy. I have socialised with him and his wife a few times and they are great people, but this guy can be a bit... cheeky let's say, and something about this latest cheeky request rubs me the wrong way because I have the feeling that he wouldn't do the same thing for my boyfriend.
Also surely this guy should just be happy for my friend being able to go home for the first time in 5 years after COVID and many resident permit issues. But no, he's using his friend's trip for his own personal gain. As a Brit, I would NEVER think to do this. I would just be happy for my friend and want to chat to them about their trip when they get back.
My boyfriend says this could be a cultural difference between India and the UK; in the UK it's more individualist and in the India people help each other out. But I dunnp, I don't buy it. My boyfriend said that his friend did check if it was ok several times. I said that it doesn't matter, he's already asked for a favour so now my boyfriend feels obliged to do it. It doens't matter how many times you soften it after the fact. The point is, you've asked something of someone on their holiday where they should be thinking about family and quality time with their girlfriend. A good friend wouldn't make such selfish requests. End of story.
Also, it's not like his friend is poor, he is quite well off and could afford to ship anything from India if need be. But clearly it's not essential because it's just clothes he could buy in Europe.
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Girl, I totally understand why that request rubs you the wrong way. A couple things stand out to me:
1) As you said, your boyfriend is visiting home for the first time in 5 years after a lot of struggles. This should be quality time for him with family, not running errands for others.
2) It does seem like this "friend" takes advantage at times if he wouldn't make the same effort in return. Friendship goes both ways.
3) Clothes are definitely not essentials that need hand-carrying. If it was important documents or something, maybe. But this just seems lazy on the friend's part.
I don't necessarily think it's a cultural thing either - good friends everywhere consider each other's time and needs balanced.
My advice would be to gently but firmly tell your boyfriend this made you uncomfortable and took away from your trip together. Hopefully he'll understand where you're coming from. And if "friend" pushes it, white lie that it just didn't work out baggage-wise. Your trip, your rules! Don't feel bad about prioritizing yourselves.
Standing up for fair treatment doesn't make you rude - it makes you an honest friend. Hope you two can still enjoy the rest of your holiday!
Thanks so much for your response, these are all my thoughts exactly! We just had a little tiff because I yet again told him what I think about it, that it’s weird, non-essential, selfish of his friend, etc. and he got mad at me. I can see how he might think I’m just being mean and judgmental but actually I say what I think because I care about him being used by his friend! And I tend to agree that it’s not cultural differences. I just think his friend is thinking of himself and is a cheapskate.
Anyway I’m sure we will resolve it all!
Man, that really sucks that you guys had a little argument about it. I can see both sides for sure. On one hand, you're just looking out for your boyfriend and don't want him to get taken advantage of by his friend. But at the same time, it's probably frustrating for your boyfriend to keep hearing you criticize his friend, even if you've got good reasons.
I'd say just try to focus on enjoying the rest of your trip together without worrying too much about it. His friend's request was lame, but it's not really worth ruining your time over either. Maybe you could have a talk with your boyfriend and let him know you're not trying to be mean, you just want him to have a good visit home without stress. And ask him how he feels about the whole thing too, to make sure he's not actually bothered by helping his friend.
As long as your boyfriend is on the same page that the request was kinda cheap, I'd try not to bring it up again and put it behind you guys. You both just wanna relax and have fun, not argue over some dude. I'm sure once you're back home you'll laugh about how dumb the whole thing was. Just make the most of your time together in India!
No! There could be illegal things in there. Do not be a mule carrying things that aren't yours.
omg i didn't even think of that, thanks!
There have been cases in the UK press.