The REAL question for modern day bullies

[Anonymous]

Bullies

The one thing I've grown to actually hate in this world. Although, I've never really fully understood them to be honest. To give them the benefit of the doubt, I always try and put myself in their shoes to figure out what makes them like this. I can never understand how somebody gets enjoyment making fun and putting down others.

I've come across bullies that have had troubled childhoods, such as abusive siblings or divorced parents. I can sympathize with these types of bullies at least because of what they're going through but still, does that really make it ok to take it out on other kids? No, the bullies I'm talking about are the ones that have it all in life. Money, a nice car, a hot girlfriend, sports jock. Yet they still seem to find it amusing to pick on others, which I find most baffling. These are the ones I can never understand. They are quite easy to spot too. I'm sure you've all seen them.

My dad is a salesman and is transferred quite frequently to different positions with his job in different states, resulting in me and my family having to move all the time with him. I've lived in 7 different states making me used to the whole "mobile life". We moved to the 6th state, Oklahoma, when I was in 3rd grade. We lived there until I finished high school in the spring of 2015 and then finally moved up here to Wisconsin, where I'll be going to college.

In every state I've lived in (except this one, yet), I've noticed a familiar pattern. The pattern being that I've been bullied everywhere I live, for a reason even unbenounced to me. I haven't paid much attention to it mainly because we move a lot, until Oklahoma where I've spent most of my life, pretty much at their disposal. Simple bullying turned into more complex bullying that occurred more so "behind the scenes", thanks to social networks.

I've been picked on and harassed. I've been made fun of and ridiculed. This has gone on every year until I graduated and moved away. The funny thing is that I never thought there was anything wrong with me. I'm average height, I'm social, I'm just a normal guy. I've been picked on by kids that were not only taller than me, but shorter as well (kids I can easily take that had no business telling me what to do). Kids that were popular and had everything going for them.

I've always wondered why? Why do they do it? Their lives are already good, why do they make mine a living hell? I've never done anything wrong to them! I've been made fun of so much that I would come home every night and stare at the mirror trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I never fought back because I didn't want to get involved in being suspended from school from retaliating. The worst part of it all is that girls literally throw themselves at pigs like these (don't get me wrong, girls make good bullies too I'm sure y'all know). What do they see in them? Besides maybe their looks? Hell, there have been butt ugly dudes picking on me with girls at each side of them, I kid you not. Yet girls are swarming all over guys like him.

Is this a game or some sort of sick joke? Am I missing something here?

I'm starting college now at a university and I still to this day look back throughout grade school. I even worry about what's to come this year living in a dorm for the first time. Isn't it pathetic to have to be scared of going to school and being bullied again? Even though you now live in a completely different state? How sad is that? It's this fear that turns good kids cold and bitter. Shit, and people wonder why suicides, school shootings and other tragedies occur (just in general I mean). I'm certainly not sympathizing for anyone of the sort, but bullies have a way of pushing people too far, which I understand doesn't give the victims the excuse to preform such tragedies.

Finally, I end with this. To all the bullies out there that truly feel the need to cause all of this, why? Why do you do it? I've seen you make fun of crippled kids, kids with special needs, kids that keep to themselves not bothering anyone, and kids that you wouldn't even think are already victims of bullying. How do you think they feel going home everyday? Hmm? No, really. How do you think they feel lying in bed, crying every night about what you've done to them. Actually believing that they're worthless. Scared about going to school the next day, knowing there's a good chance you'll do it to them again. Think about everybody you've made fun of or picked on. Think about it. Do you think they like that? Getting up every morning trying to make today a better day? Knowing that it probably won't be, but deep down hoping, believing that it will? There's a day they'll stop believing that and just give up, affecting family and friends. Leaving the people that actually cared about them to wonder if it was something they did. Is that really a life worth living?

[genuinlysensitive]

I have wondered the same things all my life as well. From what I see bullies not only don't care, they get some kind of sadistic joy out of what they do. It doesn't get better as you get older either. The only thing that has helped me is to stick up for myself and others. You might get in trouble on occasion, but they get in trouble worse. It is the only way you will ever have any peace.

As for the girls literally swarming over them. That one is the real mystery. From what I have gathered its that their narcissism and sadism mimics "confidence", which women can't get enough of. So the bully who doesn't care about women or weather the relationship succeeds, and therefore is never nervous about it, looks like he is "confident" while a guy who really wants to succeed with a girl will actually be God forbid, nervous, which doesn't look very confident.

[myTake Owner]

Very true. Ugh I can't stand it all man. There's no other word for it all than evil. I used to actually try and feel bad for the punk rich kids but there's absolutely nothing that bad in there lives that they have to treat others like that. And you know what's funny? They get away with it most of the time. About 75% of them go to college and become CEOs or are very successful with their lives later on, maybe even changing their behaviors to a more mature standpoint. You know what's wrong with that though? Nobody ever knows what they did to others in highschool. They themselves even forget because it isn't worth their time and it doesn't affect them. But the ones that were bullied, they never forget. They are the ones that always remember.

[angelling]

I also hate bullies a lot. There are many reasons why someone may bully. They may have come from a terrible background and see bullying as a way to deal with it, however wrong this is. They may be going by an example given to them, eg. they were bullied by someone so now they bully. Lastly, some people are just evil and don't even realise they're being a bully. And for the people who are the last one you have some can be made aware of their ways and change and others don't care about others and don't wish to change. It's sad really.

[Anonymous]

Majority of the time, bullies mess with people who can't do anything back, or won't do anything back. Think about it for a second, when have you seen a bully try to bully someone who was an actually physical threat to them and would actually do something about it.

I've heard of and witnessed countless stories and experiences of how bullying was stopped (a lot of the time almost immediately) when the person actually stood up for themselves and fought back. Sometimes it completely ended the bullying other times they had to keep doing it then everyone layed off. Or one of their bigger or more physically intimidating friends stood up for them and implied theyre going to get shit from them if they keep talking shit to you or whatever theyre doing.
(Obviously im not talking about going crazy and hitting people with bats)

Yes I've seen it end completely, I've heard stories, I've heard bullies on multiple occasions and different bullies say they do it because the kid doesn't do anything back. And "turning the other cheek" or ignoring it and taking it makes them want to do it more.

There are other reasons, like theyre upbringing, emotional problems, trying to look "popular" i guess, but 90 percent of the time thats why, because the kid was a pushover and/or couldnt do anything back and no one else would.

I got bullied a lot as well. The a lot of the same kids who would talk shit to me when i was skinny and weak started being nice to me and trying to be my friend once i hit the weight room and got fucking stronger then all of them.
Bullies that bullied me actually said they do it because i didn't do anything about it.

Also if they see their friends or classmates picking on you, there's a good chance theyll join in regardless of whether or not youd be friends. Its true, once i seperated from them after high school everyone talked to me like a normal person. People who were "cool" in high school but didn't know me and my status when we went to school, i met them in college and theyre really cool with me and dont look down on me like my other high school classmates do. And when i was in high school, kids i met that didn't know i was bullied talked to me like a normal person too.

So it could be they saw your "status" and joined in could be another reason why they bullied you.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand it either, especially the ones like you said - the bullies that already have it all: a nice car, money, a stable home, an attractive girl, friends, being in shape, a brain, what seems like all you need to cruise through life on easy street. I don't understand what goes through a person's head like that, which makes them think that it is okay to physically, mentally, and emotionally torture somebody.

I remember growing up, I thought I had it bad but the more I read other people's stories, it could have been a lot worse. I was like you - I didn't retaliate because I didn't want to get in trouble. I had good relationships with my family and my teachers and good to at least neutral relationships with most students. I also didn't want to go to detention instead of home or to have to miss extracurriculars, because I knew that would be no excuse. I didn't want to fight, then get seen as a "bad kid", a psycho. I didn't even want to swear at the bullies because swearing just seemed so unpleasant and low-brow, "trailer park" in character. I was a smart, clean-cut, college-bound kid and wanted to keep the habits of a nice, upwardly-mobile person.

But, at the same time, looking back I think it would have been cathartic to at least try and stand up for myself. I think it would have been worth it to snap at the bullies and give them a good thrashing. After all, they were the ones who always started it so they would have brought it on themselves, and I wouldn't have to feel bad about it. I remember one time, I grabbed one of them and threw him down on the concrete so hard he hit his head on the ground and bled. Back then, my first thought was, oh man. I'm really going to get in trouble for this. But now, I'd just be getting started on him.

If I could go back and do it over, I would have fought. I would have punched them out. My bullies were all younger and mostly smaller than me too. It would have been worth it to let them know, mess with me and I'll hurt you. The detentions would have been a small price to pay for stronger confidence and dignity.

[ArchDruidMordred]

It's the way of the world. Either you step on others or you get stepped on. If you're not willing to be an asshole to get what you want, you're gonna live a disappointing life.

I respect bullies. They understand how the world works.

[ArchDruidMordred]

Sorry, I was in a terrible mood when I wrote that response. Let me change it:
Many of these bullies are raised in families where they are taught that strength is everything and that power justifies action. They believe that their superior physical power over you justifies what they do to you. And quite honestly, if you think about it, it's true. It's the sad truth of the world. Ever heard of victor's justice? It's when after a war, the winner decides what the opposing nation did right and what they did wrong, thus, allowing themselves to show themselves a bit of favoritism. Bullying works very much the same way.

[myTake Owner]

No worries, both comments you posted are very true. It's one way or the other it seems. I always thought it was "if you can't beat them, join them", but no, because I can't and won't join them, I'll beat them.

It sickens me that they all get away with it. People have it all wrong. THESE are the kids that succeed in life, leaving the ones that they bullied still wondering why they were ever picked on.

I like you man, great points here

[Someguy17]

Feeling like you have to make someone feel bad in order for you to feel better is a symptom of insecurity. That's really what it all boils down to.

There is a fine line though. Men tend to rag on each other in order toughen each other up and get a laugh at each others' expense. This could be perceived as bullying, but it's really not. I don't pick on anyone that's afraid to throw it right back in my face.