Society & Politics

Goodbye, My Dear Friend

Goodbye, My Dear Friend

I'm sorry I am not happy, and upbeat. I just cannot put on that persona anymore. A tragedy has struck me, and has affected me in ways I never knew were possible. My friend is gone, and just those words are enough to make my heart drop into the pit of my stomach... I have to vent, before the guilt eats me up inside...



Just a trigger warning...Some of the things mentioned may be triggering for some readers. Viewer discretion is advised...



I has second guessed myself. Somehow, I knew this was coming but I just didn't take action. I kept going about my day like I didn't know anything would happen, or that something was out of place. I had just got back from the store with my mom and had checked my phone. My friend has texted me, I was confused. What was there to talk about? It was just another day, right?



I had opened up this mysterious text message, and asked "What's wrong?" The suspense was bone chilling, I knew that the new couldn't have been good. That was when I read those words, those words that felt like weights, dragging my heart down into the pit of my stomach...



He's dead



At first I had denied the fact, because he has tried before and had failed. I asked was she sure or not, because this couldn't have been true...he promised me that he wouldn't go through with it. He promised that he would stay alive for me. She had confirmed my realest nightmare with a solemn, "yes".



She then told me that the bullying has gotten too bad for him to handle. His other friends had turned on him. One of them told him to take pills, and came to his door and threw a bottle of them at him. This time, his mind had one, and he had listened.



My denial had turned into into a complete and utter feeling of betrayal. The fact that he had promised to come to me whenever he was feeling this way, and to tell me what was on his mind... The fact that we had made a pact about this, so that one wouldn't have to see the other one slip away. He had broken that promise, and had left me here to fend for myself.



Then the other part of me feels like this is my fault. I knew he was feeling this way deep down inside, but I was fooled by the mask he wore, by the mask of false contentment. Shame on me for not noticing sooner, because I felt like I could've stopped him... I could've, if I had realized sooner.



Goodbye, My Dear Friend


But I didn't...



I let him slip away. I let him fall at the hands of his own thoughts and struggles. He had told me that I had helped him through this before, but why wasn't I there when he urgently and truly needed me? Why couldn't I be there to save him, this one time when he felt the most alone? This burden of immense pain and regret I feel is making me lose my mind. I could have stopped him...why didn't I?



Then the other part of me is glad that he is finally at rest. He doesn't have to deal with all the pain and suffering that Earth had put him through, and he can finally be at peace in his mind, soul, and spirit, He can rest peacefully now, up high in the clouds. I know he wouldn't want to see me tear myself apart over this. He doesn't want to see me down.


Goodbye, My Dear Friend


I know I have to accept the fact that he is gone, but it feels unreal. I feels like he is still here. Just 23 or so hours ago, we were laughing and joking around, and now he is long gone. I can't accept the fact that I will never see him alive again. I won't see his laughing, smiling face, that i thought was so perfect, even though he didn't see it. It feels like a vivid nightmare that I am somehow a part of.


Goodbye, My Dear Friend


I felt so numb. I couldn't feel my body but the warm tears streaming down my face, and the soft sobs and gurgles that were making their way up my throat. The death of someone so close to you is something that you cannot just get over. Your mind goes through all of these alternate scenarios of what could have been if you had just did one little thing differently.



Well, what did I learn from this? Don't ignore your suicidal friends right before it is too late. One act of love, one act of showing how much you care about them can be the silver lining between life and death. Don't act after they are already long gone. Don't be like me.



Goodbye, My Dear Friend


All that is left to say is rest in peace, Eddie, you are finally free. August 4, 2000-June 5, 2016



If someone you know is suicidal, don't let it go noticed. Call someone before it is too late:


Suicide Prevention Hotline


hopeline.com


Goodbye, My Dear Friend
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