A Girls' Guide to Staying Safe at Night

[justagirl5]

It's honestly a shame that I have to write this MyTake. Guys should know when, where, and how it's appropriate to hit on a girl, as well as recognize the signs that a girl does not want to be hit on (i.e. one-word answers, no eye contact, no flirting back). Girls shouldn't have to fear being assaulted or raped while walking alone at night.

But unfortunately, chivalry is dead and what's ideal isn't reality. Here's some tips for keeping yourself safe at night.

To avoid/escape a situation where you're being hit on...

1. Bring a guy friend (or boyfriend) or a large dog along with you.

Before my guy friend moved, I'd ask him to come with me if I had to walk somewhere at night. Creeps usually won't wander up to girls if they're with a guy. As for large dogs...well, my 90 pound dog isn't afraid to growl at people he sees as a threat to me. And let's be honest, no creeps are going to come near a girl if they're walking a large dog that looks like he could bite their hand off.

2. Walk in a group.

This is similar to the first point, but this time I'm talking about walking in a group of girls. This should really only be done if no guys are available, but being with two to three other girls usually works to deter creepy guys...unless you get one that hits on all of you, but that's not common.

3. Talk on the phone (even if you have to pretend).

I've used this method before, too. One time, I was at a city bus stop in the dark and a creepy guy decided to try to flirt with me. I took my phone, pretended to answer it, and pretended to have a conversation until the bus came.

4. Keep moving.

The other night, a drunk guy said to me, "Hey baby, your hair is beautiful." I walked as fast as I could to my door. If you pretend you don't hear creepy guys and keep just moving, they might not bother you further. Of course, if this doesn't work, try talking on the phone.

5. Listen to music.

The rule of thumb is that when someone had headphones in, you don't talk to them. This doesn't work as well for me as talking on the phone does, but it does minimize problems.

6. "I have a boyfriend."

I've used this one, too. If a creep tries to flirt with you, either say, "I have a boyfriend," or, "My boyfriend wouldn't like that." If they persist, say you're going to call your boyfriend. You could call either your actual boyfriend (if you have one), a guy friend, or even your dad and tell them what's happening. The fact that you actually called another guy will deter the creepy guys, as they'll realize that they have competition.

If a guy tries to touch/attack you...

1. Pepper spray.

This will sting his eyes long enough for you to escape and call the cops.

2. Kick him where it hurts.

Chances are, he's going to grab your arms and even try to cover your mouth (if he's trying to rape you). Assuming your legs are free, kick him where it hurts, and kick him hard. He'll 1) be too sore to even want to rape you, and 2) be too disoriented to keep a grip on you.

3. Scream and call 911.

If you EVER feel physically threatened by a guy, scream or yell. Touching a girl and making her uncomfortable is NEVER okay, and don't be afraid to cause a scene about it. Call 911, especially if he begs you not to.

If you see another girl in a bad situation...

1. Intervene.

Go up to her, pretend to know her, and tell her you want to go grab dinner or have a girl's night. Walk away with her. (Guys, you can do this too, but be warned that even if you have good intentions, she might still be a bit wary considering her current situation. But some girls are able to recognize a genuinely good guy.)

2. Call 911.

Once, I saw a guy chasing after a girl and I called the cops. I didn't know the full situation, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

[btbc92]

I would like to point out that what you're doing is well intended. BUT. I have to correct a few points. "chivalry is dead..." Is not true at all with the right kind of guys who were raised to treat a woman with respect, and is not a victim of feminism. But this should not just apply to at night, but in broad day light.

1. "Bring a guy friend (or boyfriend) or a large dog along with you." I hate to say that in today's world. This is not the reality. If the person is harassing you were in a gang and can literally kill or beat your male companion or dog, and you can fight for your life -- you're unprotected. And if they are familiar with dogs behavior, they can easily over power them. So unless you have dogs like my St Bernards. Or dogs who is trained to defend and attack, on command. You're all screwed.

2. Walk in a group. This may or may not work. Especially when your in a group of girls. That is not enough. Because what if the odds are stacked against all of you? And their male? Never put your full trust in female company either. Because even a female will betray their own gender for the guy to hurt the other. And actually this can be pretty common in cities like NYC as an example. Had this happened before.

3. Talk on the phone (even if you have to pretend). Except to watch for your surroundings at ALL times.

4. Keep moving. Usually this does work. But its best to remember where this is being taken place and always pay attention what they look like. Take in their features as well. If they drive a car, their license plate number. Because some people don't get the picture. Thus 911 is needed.

5. "Listen to music." This is NOT safe, because you may not hear your surrounding. They know your listening to music. Therefore it makes them to ambush you easily. So unless your nearly 100% intuitive and can sense your surrounding and danger very quickly, your taking chances with your life even when the music is low.

6. "I have a boyfriend." Unless they SEE you with a boyfriend/potential guy. This would not work on very well observant and manipulative men. They KNOW you have a boyfriend. And they don't care. He's not around to protect you right then. That's what they do know. And will take advantage of.

Now as far as prevention:

1. Pepper spray. Not quite reliable if its against the law of your state of country to possess one. And if the offender is prepared, this may not work on him.

[btbc92]

2. "Kick him where it hurts." Practice, practice, practice. You better make sure you have a strong kick. Because remember that a man's penis is also a muscle. Therefore with the right diet and exercise, he can build that part up to rarely feel anything. That is why I suggest being prepared to fight hands on. Or just street fight if you have to. If you don't, Learn self-defense.

3. Scream and call 911. Don't just scream and call the cops. RUN.

[Kanunu]

For prevention point 2. Isn't the primary goal to hit the guy in the scrotum? Then why would it matter how muscular the guy's penis is? The scrotum will always remain weak and vulnerable and one well placed swift kick will leave any man in a heap on the ground. So it's definitely important to practice to make sure your hitting the guy in his scrotum and not his penis. My advice girls, practice and kick hard. It might be possible I misinterpreted what you meant, so apologies in advance if I did.

[btbc92]

@Kanunu

Men who are body builders work on that main weakness. Never underestimate a man who knows his own weaknesses.

[Kanunu]

Your definitely right, it's never a good idea to rely to heavily on one option for keeping youself safe.

[justagirl5]

Thanks for the info! I only use music when a guys hitting on me. I wouldn't walk around listening to it. It's my way of saying I'm not listening to you anymore. Kinda sad about the dog though... I do tend to rely on my dog when I'm at home and other methods at school but I wildly want my dog to get beaten up:( Thanks for the warning about that

[justagirl5]

wouldn't not wildly... definitely do NOT want the dog hurt

[btbc92]

@justagirl5

Exactly. Dogs aren't just protectors or your best friend. Their family.

[notsoromantic]

@Kanunu yeah seriously nuts are extremely weak and vulnerable so how can anyone develop them and make them immune to kind and Hits !
And how to practice kicking a man in nuts?

[Kanunu]

@notsoromantic
To practice:
go out and start kicking boys in the nuts! 😂
No don't I'm just playing, don't do that it's not cool, and can cause harm. Only in self defense.

Serious mode: best bet is to join a self defense class, you'll get to learn other techniques as well which would be very beneficial. A self defense class usually has a padded guy you practice ball shots on.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

@notsoromantic Some how this guy has learnt to resist it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB7gnB31NnI
Not sure if he is causeing him self permonent damage as a result though?

[QuarterNote]

@Kanunu @btbc92 Actually, to correct Point 2, Kanunu was right. Our penises don't hurt when you hit it (I mean, it does actually hurt a lot, but it's our testicles that really put us through hell 😬). And trust me, there are practically NO bodybuilders who strengthen their testicles 😂 The thing about balls is that they're not muscles – they're organs, so you can't work them out. The only way to strengthen them is what sedrftvgyhujik posted. That guy took repeated kicks to his balls for years, only THEN could he not feel anything. The only people who do that are only a handful of males in the world, most of them being Shaolin monks!

So, yeah, our sacks are super sensitive, so you don't really need to practice strength (the built in strength in your leg is more than enough 😬, trust me). What you need to practice is accuracy. They're finicky things, so it's best to work on hitting them/grabbing them right on. Only then will you be a master of bringing guys worlds of pain 😜

[btbc92]

@QuarterNote

Well, not every man can strengthen that part of their body. However why I said that a penis is a muscle is because it's both an organ and a muscle. It will tell you that in your anatomy book and when you go to the doctor. Yes its very sensitive. That is why it's not something to play around wth or pull on. You can get killed that way by stroke or heart attack. God forbid end up breaking it.

[QuarterNote]

? Hm? I mean, yeah our penises are sensitive. But I was talking about our testicles. Those two dangly things, which is where our true weakness lies.. Like, when they say "kick him where it hurts," they're typically talking about our testicles, not our penises.

[btbc92]

@QuarterNote

Oh that, of course. You can't do anything about that. Accept learn to endure pain. That is why I said for girls not to rely on that. Because some learn to build that part up and can quickly recover to go after them.

[QuarterNote]

@btbc92

That's what I was talking about when I said that guys don't usually "learn to build that part up." The only males who do that are Shaolin monks and one in a billion other guys. Believe me, we just sorta let them hang there and hope that girls don't go for it 😂

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Did you just say "it's not something to play around with or pull on" lol
If that was true most guys would have done some serious damage buy now!
It has weaknesses but its not as sensitive as nuts and a dick kick is unlikely to incapacitate unless it got them at a very bad angle.

[QuarterNote]

@btbc92

And guys can't really learn to "endure pain" when it comes to their balls. It hurts, I think that girls can mostly rely on that technique...

[btbc92]

@sedrftvgyhujik

Yes, I said exactly that. Sadly most guys don't get the picture. The problem is most men who never had bad experiences with that don't realize the damage you can cause to them. Like I remember I had explained this to my late mother when she had to go to the doctor. And her male doctor had said I was correct. Remember that your penis is also connected to your brain. It's not a joke. As I said, you can get a stroke or a heart attack if pulled the wrong way or god forbid end up dead if somebody squeezes your testicles hard.

[btbc92]

@QuarterNote

I remember I had accidently done that to somebody, and that was not the case.

[QuarterNote]

@btbc92

Oh... well, that guy seemed to somehow take it (maybe you missed (?)). But as a guy, my testicles are so darn sensitive; I can't even imagine someone hitting it with a kick. But I do agree that a guy could "end up dead if somebody squeezes your testicles hard." A squeeze on those things is devastatingly painful. I've heard that yeah, it CAN and HAS killed from pain alone 😵.

[BlueCoyote]

A lot of these things are true for guys as well I would say. I am myself disabled and thus at an inherent disadvantage when it comes to self-defense, similar to most women. One thing I learned to be very effective is to simply ignore annoying dudes. Many people think that being outside alone at night is dangerous but the statistical truth is that it's usually just scary (you're far more likely to be hurt or raped by close family members or relatives than by random strangers). So an easy way to get rid of "creepy guys" is to simply ignore them. I remember such an experience in Tokyo, where I once walked through the nightclub neighborhood (Roppongi) at night. Some pretty weird/creepy Nigerian guy started talking to me as I was waiting for my friend. From the travel guide I knew they do this quite a lot with young tourists because they want to get them into some seedy club where they're gonna rip them off. I first said "no" and "I'm not interested" but he kept talking to me, saying I just come along and lightly pulling my arm. From this moment, I decided to act as though he didn't even exist. I didn't answer anymore, I didn't look at him, I didn't even try to pull away my arm. After a few minutes, he got annoyed about my lack of response and walked away. I still think that's a pretty good way of handling uncomfortable situations when you're in an inferior position. Don't react to people's provocation. Instead, bore them out of their mind. They will quickly lose interest.

[Relentless_Hippie]

I never go anywhere by myself. I almost always have my boyfriend, my dad or my brother with me. I don't go out at night, I think it's too dangerous. If I'm working late I have a male coworker or my boyfriend walk me to my car. When my boyfriend isn't available my guy friend who walks me is a really big man. He's 6'5" and really beefy so he's a great deterrent.

If I have to walk by myself I always have pepper spray clutched in my hands and my bag tucked very close to me under my arm. Almost as if I'm hiding it. I also wear my work hat and put on my boyfriend's big hoody (it makes me look like a guy). I never stop moving, I walk really fast, and I'm always checking behind me and around, being aware of my surroundings. I check under my car, and as soon as I get in I shut the door and lock my car.

I leave as soon as I can, never sitting there for too long. It might seem paranoid but I'm a very small person. I understand that the reality is, the world isn't a safe place and anything can happen at any point. I'm hoping to one day get a knife or a gun as well.

[lumos]

Good take and very important points, although I have to really disagree with listening to music.
"The rule of thumb is that when someone had headphones in, you don't talk to them."
I don't think a rapist, a murderer or a thief is going to stop and think "oh shit that person is wearing headphones, better not attack them because they clearly don't want to". Actually, the three types of people mentioned above are probably MORE likely to attack you if they see you're listening to music or something, because they could easily use it to their advantage and sneak up on you without you hearing them.
So if you're listening to music just to avoid having strangers talk to you, you might as well not. In the end you're much safer when you can actually hear what's going on around you, and if you don't want people to hit on you or try to talk to you, the best thing you can do is just ignore them and walk away.
I could only see this working on public transport where there are other people around you and you're stuck, like you can't just walk away. But when you're out in public? Don't listen to music at night. It will not make you more safe.

[justagirl5]

Yes the music I use on the bus or train when I can't escape. I don't use it otherwise

[LogicBomber]

SERIOUSLY.
"It's honestly a shame that I have to write this MyTake."
You DON'T... A male is more likely to be attacked at night walking the street than a female is. Your fear mongering feminist bullshit needs to stop.

"Guys should know when, where, and how it's appropriate to hit on a girl, as well as recognize the signs that a girl does not want to be hit on"
99% of guys DO. FFS.

"Girls shouldn't have to fear being assaulted or raped while walking alone at night."
You are right, they shouldn't... but bullshit feminist fear mongering makes weak minded females fear a monster that doesn't exist. SO if you are a paranoid fool who believes "all men are monsters" then the only thing you are afraid of is your imagination.

https://www.victimsweek.gc.ca/res/r512.html (GOVERNMENT WEBSITE)
(These are the same for most western countries)

Please stop blindly believing your feminist echo chamber.
If your sources are ANY place sourced by feminist lies... they are NOT valid!

[juliaanita]

Yes ladies. It's not valid to be concerned about our safety.

[LogicBomber]

@juliaanita Wow, Strawman that is NOT what I said.
It's fine to be concerned with safety... but being a paranoid schizophrenic is just ridiculous.
I lock my doors at night, because crime does happen and it's a good idea to TAKE PRECAUTIONS.
But I don't sit up all night worried about the boogie man coming out of my closet because I have been feed stories about monsters from other people and believe them without proof!

Being afraid of ALL men because there are a marginal number that do something bad, is ludicrous.
If males did that we would have to jump off elevators when a female got on, because "some women falsely accuse men of shit".

[juliaanita]

yep. Alright. Agreed. Sorry to be strident.

there is elevated woman bashing on this site lately. I suppose I just kneejerk

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[martyfellow]

I'd go for the electric shock gizmos. A lot of girls carry these. They will disable even a large guy right away without doing him any permanent injury.

Kicking him where it hurts isn't a sure thing. If you miss, you have an angry person coming at you who's probably a lot stronger than you. So don't do that unless you are desperate. The electric shock is a better self defense tool.

Going into a restaurant or other place of business is a pretty safe way to escape any pursuer.

I would add, NEVER get into a car with any guy you don't totally trust. So many rapes result from dates in this way. Once you're in a car, it's tough to escape a guy..

The big majority of rapes involve people you know. Usually 'date' rapes.

The media plays up unknown predators but actually these are rare.

[justagirl5]

Thanks for the tips!

[RationalMale]

Actually talking on your cellphone like that is a really stupid idea. If you are in a situation where you could be facing danger, don't talk on your phone or pretend to be talking on your phone. You should be paying attention to your surroundings, and yes, you should be noticing the people around you who could be threats. If someone is going to rob you or attack you, acting like you are sucked into your phone and don't even notice them will NOT help you.

[lumos]

Ehh it's like 50/50. A lot of people would feel discouraged from attacking someone on their phone because the person on the other end counts as a witness and could quickly do something about the situation, like call 911, especially if they happen to know where the other person is walking.

[RationalMale]

@lumos if you are trying to avoid a guy giving you pick up lines, chat on your phone. If you are conxered about Safety, stay off the phone and focus.

[Anonymous]

This is always a much needed take. I would however say talking in the cell phone, and earbuds in are a bad idea. The goal if you are alone at night is to stay alert and be aware of your surroundings. You can't do that with music in or even fake cell phone talking. In fact, a thief at night, may view your cell phone as an easy grab. If you have to walk alone at night carry something like an umbrella/stick/something you can potentially strike with, and carry the least amount of stuff with you, like put your cell and a few other items in your pocket or a waist belt to avoid carrying a purse

[headmaster]

walk in group - good
walking with headphones in ears - very bad. one must be aware of surrounds and able to hear if someone might be coming up behind you.
talking on phone - so so - takes your attention away from paying attention to your surroundings.
if you think you are being followed don't go straight home, then they will know where you live. go to public place - store. see if they follow - could ask clerk to call police.
at home shred any papers with name address etc on it before tossing it.
some rapist go so far as to track your trash so they pick up on your cycle. take your feminine hygiene disposable to a trash recepticle not associated with where you live.
if living on a 1st floor keep windows locked - there are ways to lock them open a bit.
use shades or drapes at night - blinds have gaps that one can look through to see what you are doing.

[skeptic002]

upload.wikimedia.org/.../220px-Gerber_Machete.jpg

upload.wikimedia.org/.../Pistol_Browning_SFS.jpg

there you are set

[FatherJack]

Contrary to popular belief , " media " BS & especially feminist propaganda , it is the instinct of the vast majority of men to protect , NOT harm a woman. I agree you need to keep your guard up to at least some degree , but men are over 20 times more likely to be physically attacked , normally by groups of other , cowardly " men " . The music / being on the phone are not good ideas , anyone with a clear intent to violate you , WILL do so regardless , also pepper spay is illegal for civilians in most European countries. Some good points , however , you can't beat safety in numbers.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I love the phone idea, and FYI men get attacked and are crime victims, way more often than women do and are. And most rapists are people you've met b4, if I'm remembering correctly. I don't usually walk alone at night, but I'd feel fine if I did...

I have people in my family who live in really, really bad areas and they and their little kids do way worse than walking alone at night and they're all fine. Most or even all of their abuse is from family and friends.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Actually, I could have read also that msot violent crimes are committed by people the victims knew, not just for rape.

[SovereignessofVamps]

*Well fine when it comes to strangers, anyway. They do things like let their young, like first grade age kids walk alone at night and visit people's houses and apartments alone. Their kids come back home at night... and the really awful stuff like abuse came from the family or from mom's bf/dad's girlfriend, or even their own parents.

[FatherJack]

That's true , men are actually FAR more likely to be attacked.. normally lone men , by groups of cowardly " men " . It is against the nature of the vast majority of men to attack a woman.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@FatherJack Yep, and if you get attacked by a group, not much point in walking in a group. Also, if the attacker has a weapon... what can anyone do? You can't beat the right weapon no matter how big you are, especially a gun.

[SovereignessofVamps]

And once the criminal gets you into a car... even if you know them or not, once they get you alone I've heard you can just totally expect to die. So even if you walked in a group and one person was taken or at least hurt really badly, what can calling 911 and the police do?

But yeah, guys get attacked waaayyyy more often.

[SovereignessofVamps]

*calling 911 and the police eventually coming do, stupid typing.

I think people overestimate what they can do, like a big guy IRL, probably can't do too much. If he gets in a fight and there's more people or a weapon like I said, then... he could die or be in the ER easily. Especially since if a random stranger attacks, they're probably high or whatever so they can't feel pain. So even if it's high or just crazy friend or acquaintance, it's probably best for a guy or girl just to run, not to try to fight.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I don't think most drunk/club guys would rape though, rapists are not all there and I don't just mean them not being sober.

[FatherJack]

Firearms are NOT an option here in the UK , no civilian is allowed anywhere near a firearm. Most criminal shitheads carry knives & attack in groups.

[SovereignessofVamps]

@FatherJack Wow, the UK is so hardcore there's no people carrying illegal guns? But yeah, groups attacking guys makes sense. I'm in the USA... but yeah it's the same really.

[FatherJack]

@SovereignessofVamps... I'm an ex bouncer & former British Army paratrooper & boxing / combat sports vets , so seen it all. Against a group , the best defence is to knock the fuck out of the leader of the group and / or get them in a chokehold & apply severe pressure & threaten to kill the fucker... watch the shitheads run after badly hurting 1 or 2 of the scumbags !!

[SovereignessofVamps]

@FatherJack Whoa. Good advice! But you were a bouncer, they knew you worked for the club and of course you had backup too especially legally. I do think though, most people don't really know how to fight, so on the flipside worrying too much might be pointless anyway.

[SovereignessofVamps]

And I think you give a great example about why most serious crimes are planned first and from crazy people... because most people aren't that bad, so they might be looking to vent but not traumatize anyone. So that's why if you walked alone, you may get robbed, but not much else...

Although hell my other family I mentioned, they don't even care if they get robbed or anything... it's amazing. I don't think they see outside life as worse than their home lives, so to them, it just doesn't matter as much.

[red324]

This should be named keeping guys from hitting on you, but i'll answer anyways. One thing I frequently see is girls who are in their own little world, and have no idea of their surroundings. IE walking in the parking lot at night talking on the phone or staring at a tube of lipstick in the middle of the isle for 10 seconds at the grocery store not even realizing I'm trying to get by you. (This happened) I shouldn't have to say ummm excuse me, you should be using all that extra peripheral vision you ladies have.

[Chloe_Paige]

Even though I'm only 14 this has happened to me. An older guy (30+) came up to me and started commenting about my body and the way I was dressed. Luckily one of my guy friends was there and he told the guy to "f*** off". After we were away from the guy I told my friend thanks. Things probably would have been worse if he hadn't have been there.

[Dred1614returns]

Talking on the phone and listening to music are incredibly stupid ideas. If I was going to attack a woman, I'd look for one with headphones in so she wouldn't hear me coming, or one that's glued to her phone so her guard is down.
Mace isn't the best weapon either. I'd suggest a gun, but if that gets taken away from you, you're done. Maybe a knife, or one of these self defense key chains:
www.selfdefensesupply.com/.../dgpp.jpg
Put your fingers in the eyes and punch with the ears out.

[Righttobeararms83]

Good points. Too many women these days say that telling women to be careful is victim blaming. Just because its never your fault doesn't mean being on the moral high ground will armour you against attack. My wife conceal carries and has taken self defense training and handgun training.

[Loveherbut]

I used to think that talking in the phone is good idea until my female friend was doing it and the guys stalked her to the train station and asked if the phone is new wtf this world is fucked up as long as women dont have peace walking we dont live in a good world this is so messed up

[vishna]

These are great idea, and I think it's important women know how to better avoid harm. However, I would hope women don't listen to music at night because then you can't hear what's going on around you, a rustle in the bushes, a stranger behind you worse, they might think you can't hear them sneak up.

[Anonymous]

If i'm alone on the street at night I feel unsafe enough as a 6 foot + guy never mind a woman.
I had this one time in a major city i went to an event and forgot where I had parked so had to try to retrace my steps and ask strangers and bouncers for directions I found it after an hour or so but I was pretty scared and I can't imagine what that would be like as a woman?

[blutwolfe]

lol first thing when I saw the word "creeps" I thought of nice guys, I'm sure some are genuine creeps though

half these scenarios seem to be nice guys trying to say hello but come off as awkward

feel like stuff like this deters actually good guys from talking to girls, because they're scared they're creeps

[lumos]

I'm sorry but you'd have to be socially inept to think it's a good idea to approach a stranger who's walking alone in the middle of the night.

[John_Doesnt]

If you live in America, buy a gun. All problems solved instantly.

[justagirl5]

If I could get over being afraid of guns and learn how to use one, I totall would