Why Some Gets Offended By "Where are you from?"

[curiousnorway]

When people are socializing and get to know new people the question "Where are you from?" are a common conversation starter. While some people are fine with it, others are not. In this My Take I'm going to write about why some people gets offended by the question.

1. Implying you're not belonging here

Often people who looks different than the majority of the population gets this question a lot and some finds it annoying. Not only do they get the question quite often making them fed up, but it's also often implying that they're not belonging there. It's not only in homogeneous countries this question gets asked a lot. Even multicultural and multi-ethnic countries like the US it exist people asking this question.

If a person for example is Swedish, but looks different than the stereotypical blonde Swede, people gets curious and asks it. If the person say s/he's from Sweden and the asker accept the answer, most people are fine with it. But in such cases where the asker asks the person "Where are you really from?" or gives signals they're not happy with the answer, then the person who gets asked feels like people don't think s/he belong there or is Swedish enough. In addition it can be perceived as the person is implying they're lying when they're not.

Here's a typically conversation:
- Where are you from?
- Oh, I'm from Sweden
- Yeah, but where are you really from?
- I'm born and raised here.
- Yeah... But you looks Asian.
- ...

The question makes it sound like the asker are implying the person don't belong there. Not every "people of color" in "white" countries are immigrants and not every white people in "none-white" countries are immigrants. They may be adopted, or they may be born and raised in that particular country where their parents or grandparents are immigrants.

Some "people of color" have also been in some countries through several generations. Many dark looking people in Norway for instance are Norwegian, have Norwegian parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so on. But some of them are dark because Spanish and Portuguese immigrants immigrated to Norway in the 18th century.

2. Labeling people

For some people it may seem like people who asks wants to define them and put them in a box. It's not always friends or people the person knows who asks. Sometimes it's completely strangers or new people they've recently met who asks it just to label them.

3. Stereotypes, rude comments and questions

Some people goes further with the question and gives inappropriate comments/questions. Some are even coming with stereotypes like "Do you've a camel as a pet?" based on how someone looks. It seems like they've a stereotype pictured in their head.

Some people goes further with this question. If you looks different some people would treat you as an exotic object or like an entertaining attraction, not like a person with feelings. Some also comes with inappropriate comments and although they're not always meant to hurt anyone, it still can hurt.

Some people of Asian heritage can get comments like "Nǐ hǎo" which means "Hi" in Chinese, where people are assuming their nationality and their language, while other may assumes that you likes certain things like noodles, have a panda as a pet etc. If you've an African heritage people may get curious and wants to touch your hair or coming with the tribe stereotypes. If you've an Arabic heritage or looks like one "everyone" assumes you're a Muslim and conservative. Some also asks: "Are you a Muslim?" and "Do you've a camel as a pet?". If you've a white heritage people may assume you're all liberal, are partying, drinking etc.

A Norwegian friend of me have received very inappropriate questions by his former teacher like "Can you Norwegian?" and "Do you talk Asian?". Other comments some gets is "Oh, your English is so good" or "You're talking my language very well". People are just assuming something about people by the way they looks.

4. A personal and private question

Not everybody are comfortable with strangers digging for private information.

Some people are open about their heritage, culture and all that kinds of stuffs, but other aren't in the same way some people are more open about their dating life, religion, political view and their sexual life than others. It's a personal and a private thing for some.

One thing is that friends and other close related asks, but when strangers asks it's completely different. It's like walking in the mall and ask a random person about how many times they've been married. Some people are actually asking strangers where they're from and I've experienced it myself. Both citizens and immigrants have asked me just randomly.

If you're very curios and have to ask, you can ask in a different way. More people would appreciate more you asking about where they grew up and about their parents than asking them where they're from. Many are also more fine with people asking them how many languages they can and about their favorite holiday too than this question.

#WhereAreUFrom #Offensive

[jp612612]

You know, I don't get offended but I do understand what you're getting at. I've had the comments about how I speak English so well (which is fortunate, since it's the only language I speak!) and I've had people imply that I'm Asian, not American but things like that always come from fellow Americans.

Two Fridays ago, I was on a plane to Florida and at the end of the flight, the woman next to me started a conversation that began with weather and ended with weekend plans. I told her where I was from (Seattle) and she said "And you're Japanese?" I replied "No, I'm..." and stumbled for a couple seconds before saying "Vietnamese". She then apologized and asked if I was offended and I said no, I just was caught off guard because I used to do a lot of international travel for work and when I travel, my foreign co-workers and business partners refer to me as American. I'm really used to being referred to as an American if the question ever comes up because that's how my co-workers in Eastern Europe or Asia refer to me.

So in the end, I totally get what you're saying and probably even agree with every point that you make, but at the same time I don't think any harm or offense is ever intended when the things you describe occur. If there's no malice involved, then I think it's wrong to hold it against the other person and I might even say that it's wrong to be offended at all.

[Aguamarina]

I agree and the people saying it's not offensive rarely get asked that question and don't know what it feels like. I doubt they read your myTake. Especially when you aren't white or black and you're born in a country like America, asking that question is more offensive because most people there aren't Native Americans. It's like telling a non-white/black person they don't belong there. I usually state the city and state I was born in, and then tell them how stupid they are for not knowing how to ask proper questions. If they are born in the country, "what's your ethnicity?" would be the better phrasing for a question like this. But again, it would be a personal question because there is racism against some ethnicities.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I got asked once by some sketchy fisherman (whos accent i can't place but sounded 3rd worldish) where im from.

I said here (meaning australia cause thats where we are) and he repeated the question. The fisherman beside him (still a sketchy dude but far more comfortable to be around) spoke up and said "it doesn't matter, as long as we call this beautiful country home, we're all Australian." (If t werent for the dudes weird arse interest in my dog i would have somewhat liked the guy)

I was born and raised in Aus. I have Irish and Scottish roots but thats back 20 generations. I am one hundred percent Aussie from my appearance, to my accent, to my ideals.
I did get offended. Partly because it was the first time I've ever been asked. But mostly because he clearly wasn't from Aus.
That and hed previously asked if my dog was for sale after they saw she was wearing a muzzle. (Shes a bull arab, an Australian breed less formerly known as a pig hunting dog. Prime dog fighting material)

They were all interested in her, and she was even more willing to get away from them than i was. Those dudes were spitting some seriously bad mojo.

So i got offended, but more out of, not fear but serious concern as to how safe these guys are to be around, than indignation.

[Rainie_]

I only hate it because first and foremost I haven't lived in Sweden since I was 4, and though I speak Swedish at home I am genetically more Finnish than Swedish, and people assume I have lived in Sweden all my life (because my foreign accent is very strong, doesn't even sound Swedish though).
And also I'm mixed so I don't look either Swedish or Finnish because of the black influence.
The only thing I can say first when they ask is "it's complicated" and then I have to give my life story... I do like to ask them to guess where I'm from though when they ask, it's entertaining.

[Pikachula]

I have this too.
I live in the Netherlands and I'm 100% dutch.

Still people ask me this and tell me ; oh I thought you were polish, russian, Ukrainian.
And make vodka jokes etc.

It gets really annoying because I have literally nothing to do with those countries, both my parents are dutch too.

But this also happends when I'm in other countries, or at work drunk Ukrainian guys thinking I can help them get on their flight even though they're drunk since 'I'm one of them'.
No tf I'm not 😐

[Bananaman177]

The reasons you describe might apply to maybe 5% of people who get offended.

But the vast, overwhelming majority of people get offended as a pre-emptive defense mechanism because they are so fucking insecure that the only social skill they have is to act offended and put everybody they meet on the back foot immediately.

Most people who get offended at everything all the time are just using their offendedness to bully everyone around them. They think they're defending themselves but they're not, they're attacking everybody else.

And they should be rounded up and exiled from civilization. Go live in the woods. You won't be offended out there.

[Anastasiya00]

I get it but still I think everyone should learn to not be offended by it unless the asker really is being rude. For example, lets say USA. Even if you were born in USA, or your parents were, your grandpapa was, whatever, yes you are an American citizen, have all the rights but you have foreign heritage and people just happen to be curious about it. Noting wrong with that! I have foreign heritage and have a different last name than everyone in my country. I am a citizen of the country I live in yes, and nationality and whatever, but I do have foreign heritage and whenever someone asks about it I will happily explain them where is it from and how my ancestor got here

[rjroy3]

Real reason:

1. Insecurity

I've been asked "where are you from" most of my life and I understand it, because people don't know you. To assume people should look at you and just know who you are, what you're about and where you come from is silly. Maybe an observant person will pick up on things a bit better. If you people watch you can get a feel for someone who isn't from around there, because they act like they're in a foreign environment. It's entirely possible a local acts that way and gets asked that question because of the vibe they give off. It's not a personal matter. It's a "getting to know you" question.

[Lovi87]

To be perfectly honest? I don't care about the question. I'll say, "Here. Born and raised." but just because you're born and raised in the country you're in, does not mean you're that ethnicity. This has been proven by those DNA ancestry tests. One woman (born and raised here in England), was 100% certain she'd be at least 90% English, or a bit less. To her surprise, she had 0% English in her blood. So that tells us that her ancestors moved to England 100 years before she was born here. Your nationality does not and will not match with your ethnicity. No one on this planet is 100% of anything anymore.

The only people who are 100% are those who first inhabited the countries. It all depends on where your ancestors started from in the beginning, and who they mixed with along the way to 2017.

[1truekhaleesi]

I remember when I was really little, I moved schools. Being the new person I was dying to fit in and even as a small child, it felt awkward being asked, "what are you?" I am Scandinavian and while I do have very light skin, I have dark hair like my mother. Oh my god. I hated that question so much.

[Nik1hil]

i always say, "From my Moms uterus." and then i ask where are you from Asker, did you drop from sky

[curiousnorway]

Well replied!

[Miss_Mystique]

I always get this question. I answer Norway then Norway again when they ask where my mom is from and when someone actually ask where my grandmother is from they get what they're after.

[curiousnorway]

Jeg blir noen ganger lei det spørsmålet om hvor jeg kommer fra.

[TerraRane]

I was in my city one day, talking to a tourist and they asked "when did you start learning English? You speak with no accent!"
I live in Australia. I always have. It is my first freaking langue. There is a reason I have no accent.
Also, even when go back to parents and grandparents, some people don't believe me because I am mixed.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when I tell them where my grandparents are from and their reaction is "but you don't look (ethnicity). Are you sure you're not mixed with some other ethnicity?" I'm sure they've met each and everyone of said ethnicity to come to that conclusion.

[Belgie]

Fuck them and their over sensitive little hearts. It's a question, an ice breaker, and if they insist on putting the worst possible interpretation on the question and asker, that's on them.

Wait until some racist douchebag actually says "but you don't belong here" before assuming the person asking the question is less than an interested human being trying to make a connection.

[D_Bone_Steak]

When I was a kid "where are you from" had more to do with determining what gang you are from. As a white kid that didn't give a phuck about gangs... my answer was usually "from hell."

I got offended simply because I don't look like a gang member and someone must be a retard if they think I am... and guess what... they were retards. every damn time.

[NJ_Casanova]

People are getting soft and lack the "thick skin" older generations had.

The World in general has gotten to PC and soft, people getting offended by anything/everything.

Asking were your from isn't anything to get upset about... unless you are ashamed of it.

[redeyemindtricks]

Asking someone about her/his "favorite holidays" BEFORE asking where she/he is from?
That'd be really weird tbh... considering that most holidays — just about all of them, in fact, other than the most major religious feasts — are tied to specific countries.

[Chuckle]

I think some people get offended not because of the question itself but because of the way it was asked.

[BrittBratt2416]

I never been offended by that, it's just curiosity. I ask this one man and woman were they were from once cause I thought their accents were so unique. I never heard it before either, turns out they were from Poland.

[Deuteros]

Some people just want to find offense. They search for it like a prize that enables them to feel morally superior.

If it wasn't meant to be offensive and you are offended it's your problem.

[Omar5881]

I never got offended from someone making a joke about where I come from tbh I throw some jokes about it too , it's only offensive in my opinion if you take a negative impact on the person without actually knowing him like verbally abusing him or physically