Girls and Insecurities

Girls and Insecurities


You've got to stop buying into these "beauty standards" that you see in movies, magazines, and billboards. Anything you see in print, or really anywhere, are made that way to sell you things. It's not what men want you to do.

If you decide to make yourselves really pretty for you own sake, that's all fine and good, and I don't really have an opinion on that.

If you decide to make yourselves pretty because you think you need to, to attract guys, that's where you need to slow down in your thinking. Don't get me wrong, we definitely appreciate the time you put into looking good, but if you took that out of the equation, little would change.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you stop showering, or brushing your teeth. Like you, we do have SOME basic standards. I'm basically saying, stop starving yourselves. It's dangerous, and it makes you miserable, and when you're miserable, we're miserable.

I'll share 3 things that you need to do, or be to be attractive to men.

1. Be healthy. Don't mix this up with being skinny, or thin.

This goes back to "cave man" days. Men instinctively (or subconsciously) seek out someone who can bear healthy children. This is how our species survives. The same applies to women. At some point we've come to associate that with a narrow waist, and/or wide (or "child bearing") hips.

A healthy female body, will naturally have natural curves, and they don't have to be prominent, or as accentuated as you've been conditioned to believe.

On the flip side, "cave woman" was attracted to the strongest, or the "alpha" male. This meant that a strong male would result in strong offspring. Also, as "cave woman" had to care for "cave baby", she needed a mate that could both produce, and protect cave woman, and cave baby.

This is why men feel like they need to be successful providers, and most men won't feel like men if they don't meet this goal.

2. Be happy, positive, and genuine. I don't really have a cave man theory for this one, it's just attractive. People naturally want to be around positive people. Girls who complain, and judge aren't as attractive. It's a downer.

That's not to say that men don't want to hear about your problems. We like to solve problems, and be useful to you. In a lot of cases, this is why men try to solve your problems when, in so many cases you simply want to vent. It's in no way a fault in men, but to any men reading this... shut up and listen. It goes a long way.

3. Respect yourself. Contrary to popular belief, men do in fact respect women.

Many women can some across like they don't respect themselves, but they'll think, "it's okay because i have all these men chasing me". Well that may be true, but they don't respect you. Remember, men are designed to "go forth and multiply", or... fuck. Yes I'm sure there are acceptions .

If you don't respect yourselves, how can we expect you to respect us, or our potential family. Respecting yourself means, taking care of yourself, not letting just anyone have you. I guess I would say it shows that you're likely to be healthy, and stay that way. Also taking care of yourself, means taking care of us.

Again, this can be flipped. Women want men to take care of themselves, and for the same, or at least similar reasons. If we can't create a safe and secure home, what would that mean for bringing a child into the world?

If a man has to earn your effection, or love, it will be an accomplishment, and he'll be more likely to take care of, and protect it. It will also make him feel like earning you, makes him worthy. A lot of woman, and men, would see this, or call this a "conquest".

This is where it gets a little bit sketchy, as most people will see this is a negative thing. Being a "conquest" or a "prize" can seem like objectification. Men are competative, and the harder they work for something, the more they cherish it, and protect it.

When a man says, "she's mines", he doesn't mean like, "that coffee table is mine". Women are not objects, and men know this. In fact, a lot of women like to hear him say, "she's mine," especially in a protective, and even a possessive sense. (quick side note: i believe that women want their men to be a little possessive, but only to a certain point.)

4. BONUS tip!!

Respect his ego. In today`s society men are constantly demonized for being men. Nearly every aspect of being a man is called toxic. Young boys are constantly told that they`re wrong when they do things that are associated with being masculine.

A simple example is when he opens a door for you. Let him. He`s not stupid, he knows full well that you can open a door for yourself.

Make him feel like life would be a little harder without you. In the past, there were so many things that men could do, that women couldn`t. That`s not the case today, so make him feel needed, and more importantly wanted.

SO!! that`s my essay. I wanted to put more into it, but I`m pressed for time, and who wants to read for hours.

I`m by no means an expert in ANY of this stuff. If anyone asks me to prove it, I simply say, ``go outside and look around``.

I`m simply a man, if a little old fashioned, living life. I see the world for what it is, not what I want it to be.

I believe that feminism has run it`s coarse and has accomplished the vast majority of it`s goals. It should be reguarded as a noble cause that was victorious.

I don`t believe in nonsense like `manspreading`or ``mansplaining`. Other things too, but that`s for another `my take`.

I mainly wrote this because I think that women should hear from a man, or men, that the standards they they set for themselves are too high, and we`re not THAT shallow.

Please, comment, let me know what you think.

Feel free to criticize.

This is all opinion.


Girls and Insecurities
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anon-ymous1
    Well, some decent stuff in here; other stuff, not so much. You aren't paying attention to inception, man. If those beauty standards are worthless, and no one should actually like them, and therefore you're implying that no one actually WANTS them... then where did they come from? Beauty standards feature thin, attractive, symmetrical figures because that *is* what most guys want in girls, and what most girls want for themselves. That is what people find attractive, overall, time after time in study after study: Thinness (to a point), and symmetry of face and figure. It just is what it is.
    Your point about smiling is good; don't care about your third point; your fourth point is mostly true.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ha, finally someone with an honest opinion. That's exactly true. People can say what they fucking want, but in the end, the thinner girl with the nice features always wins over the chunky one. It is what it is.

    • fjh80

      "Thinness (to a point)" ... to a point.

      I never said that the beauty standards are not attractive. I'm saying they don't need to go that far to be attractive.
      A lot of these models we see in ads, and magazines are insane, and often photo shopped.

      Can you imagine trying to attain, and maintain that body shape? That's so much pressure. That's so much work. They look like they eat a carrot and a stick of cellery (the vegetable, i couldn't even google the proper spelling) a day.
      Have you not taken your girlfriend out for dinner, and she's reluctant to order something she wants, but doesn't because she's scared she'll gain a half a pound?
      Has your girlfriend ever stressed out over gaining a few pounds? and you're you're looking at her thinking, "what are you talking about I don't see a problem."

      Now, I seriously doubt that you're suggesting that women should like that. I'm said those things to give you an idea of where I'm coming from.
      A woman should be able to enjoy a steak with a smile.

    • fjh80

      @cherryphi82 you again?

      That's a pretty negative view.

      No one's telling girls to be chunky, or over weight. That is exactly the reason is chose the word "healthy".

      Don't get it twist, because I know you will. I'm not saying it's a crime to be chunky. If a girl (or guy) wants to be, or is okay with being over weight, that's up to them. There are guys who like chunky girls, and girls who like chunky guys.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Mi2mi2a
    I like everything except your explanation with social darwinism of why healthy is what women (and men) should go for.

    Good Take either way.
    Is this still revelant?
    • fjh80

      Thank you for you comment. I'm glad you said it. I'm sure that I did say that I'm not an expert (at least I hope I said that in the article).
      When you bring it up, like you did (in what i think is a respectful manner), you're drawing attention to that part of post.
      Most of what I wrote, is based on opinion. That opinion is based of life experience.
      I cannot say that what I said about cave people is fact, and it's important that people understand that.
      I've learned things over the years, and a lot of it seems logical, and I see it in society. That being said, there ARE other theories for what we see.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • flowery123
    The problem I have with people saying that don't buy into these beauty standards they're completely false and fake is that for some people that's there actual body type. I'm not trying to come across as an air head i'm not super skinny but i'm slim and curvy and that is what's portrayed on VS etc... I didn't ask for my body type but to say that my body type isn't realistic is untrue because I naturally have it.
    • People who think beauty is defined by the media are deluded. Guess what, looks do matter a lot. Beauty is both objective and definable, there's actually a mathematic formula, and those who score higher with golden ratio are found more attractive.
      As for men, overwhelming majority of us draw the line at fat, anything less than fat is good.

      You're not an airhead, there are just a lot of hypocrites out there, or otherwise deluded people.

    • fjh80

      In a sense, you're kinda making my point. In most cases, our natural body shapes don't match what we think they should.
      Yes, some women are thinner than your would think, and that's natural. In some cases it's bigger.
      Think of it this way. HOW do you get to your body shape?
      If you're not trying to use the beauty standards that you see in magazines, and in stead you simply take care of yourself properly, you'll be perfectly fine (in the majority of cases). There are acceptions.

      At this point I have to add that I'm not any kind of expert, and my opinions are based on what I see in society, and things that I've learned over the years.
      I see the ads, and the movies, and pictures on magazine covers, and often I'm not impressed. I find a more natural look to be attractive.
      More importantly, I (we all) have seen the results when girls try to meet those standards. It can be dangerous.
      I want girls to know that they don't have to endanger their health to be beautiful.

    • fjh80

      @ararune555 I agree with you 100%

      It took me way more paragraphs to say what you said.

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  • MusicMayhem
    It's really quite simple. Stop giving a shit about OTHERS opinions and live the life YOU want to live. If women didn't fear being judged by others all of the time, most of their insecurities would disappear. Nothing is more unattractive than a girl with insecurities.
  • Logan27
    Why do only women get attention in this regard? Men also have impossibly high beauty standards but I guess only women matter...
    • fjh80

      This is very true.
      Men do have the same problems.
      Men are expected to be big, muscled up warriors. It doesn't always work out like that for men.

      Mens issues have to be respected. In this case, yes, men have the same issues.
      Keep in mind, that even though we try to meet the male version of these standards; like girls, we over emphasize the importance of these standards.

      A lot of men think that most girls are shallow, and only care about looks. In the battle of the sexes, this is one of those things that gets thrown back and forth.

      Girls do look for more than just good looks. They (Instinctively or not) look for other attributes. Can he make her laugh? Does he make her feel safe? For more, or better examples... ask women.

  • cherryphi82
    First you say don't buy into the beauty standards, then you equate respecting yourself with taking care of yourself. For many women, eating healthy and losing weight IS taking care of themselves. I don't think anybody in the world is advocating for people to look like skeletons. That's a strawman. And contrary to popular belief, most thin women have assets, they just don't look like Jill Scott. If that's the new healthy, I'll pass. And also about respecting a man's ego... you say there were times women couldn't do stuff but men could do so much more in a reminiscing kind of way. That really bothers me. It's one thing to not feel needed, it's another to fondly remember the times when men could do stuff but women couldn't. If you want to be polite and open doors, then do it. But don't wish times back that are oppressive to women and then act like these times are oppressive to men. That's like wishing back the days for separate drinking fountains.
    • fjh80

      "you say there were times women couldn't do stuff but men could do so much more in a reminiscing kind of way" <<THAT statement is straw manning. You took something I said, twisted it in your head into something that YOU wanted it to mean. You're reading my article, and all by yourself decided that it was some kind of attack on women.
      If you read it objectively, in stead of reading it as someone who wants a villian to attack, you'd see that the point was to take pressure off of women, and let them know that they don't have push themselves to meet those beauty standards.

      When girls push themselves to those standards you get things like anorexia, and bulimia. Those are dangerous conditions. Girls often make themselves look like skin and bone. That is NOT healthy. That is NOT taking care of yourself. Being active, and eating healthy is taking care of yourself.

      I used the word "healthy" because for each person, it can result in a different look.

    • fjh80

      I used the word "healthy" because for each person, it can result in a different look. You took one line from my article and twisted it into something that it's not. I never wished for the days when women didn't have equal rights to men. Those are your words.

      Taking my article and twisting it into something that means I'm a misogynist, and racist takes some Olympic level mental gymnastics.

      If you judge people so you see them the way you want to see them, in stead of how they are, the world will look like a terrible place. Especially when to add a "victim complex" to that.

    • I pointed out some things that bothered me about your essay. I didn't say it was bad. If you read my post correctly, you'd see that I agree with you that it's not good for anyone, not just girls, to be skin and bones. But in the Western hemisphere, we have an obesity epidemic that is spreading fast, and for most average citizens, losing weight is what's on the menu, not gaining. Very, very few people have the time and energy to starve themselves like you say. So to put it like that's the majority is somewhat dishonest. I just think you need to be more thorough with your research. There are many more things women are insecure about than weight.

  • kellywillson
    I'm naturally thin and guys critize me for that
    • That's because you don't have "assets".

    • @MrSociopath I have D sized boobs and a butt

    • That's good! In that case, there must be something wrong with them.

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  • LeaLee
    I love this! Great myTake.
    Totally agree with you
  • Afrochick
    Aw <3
  • julovesleo
    love this but ok
  • Anonymous
    We all have insecurities.
    • fjh80

      In deed we all do have insecurities.
      For all of us, both men and women, most of our insecurities are unjustified, and a result of us being hard on our selves.

      Girls seem to be more insecure than men in general. That's why I wrote the article. I hope you got something positive out of it. : )

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous
    I like your MyTake and agree with everything you wrote.

    The Positivity thing is big. It is attractive. It's normal for people to want to be around happy cheerful people. It's also not that we don't want to hear or help with any problem because we do. We all have down moment and things in our lives at times. Though it helps to display more positivity and go throuh life with an I can get through this kind of attitude.

    I wanted to add that there's a subset of men who're attracted to whatever body type you are, or whatever race, or whatever look you portray. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, don't let one, a few people, or society tell you differently.

    I also liked the bonus. Though it's more about feeling wanted and being shown some common decency when we do something nice over feeling needed. Yeah we get that woman don't need us but when they act like they don't want us we follow suit.
  • Anonymous
    luckily I don't have any insecurities
    • guyuser2

      Lucky you!

    • fjh80

      I suspect that a lot of guys are attracted to you, and that's probably a big part of it.

  • Anonymous
    Apparently, young boys are "unhealthily active" nowadays. It is called ADHD and supposed to be a disease.
    • lilaqua

      Hmm, I think that's got to do with our over-reliance on prescribing drugs for normal human behaviour in general. To be fair the only people I've ever met with ADD and ADHD respectively actually had something wrong with them. One I use to babysit and compared to his brother, he was unable to concentrate on anything and was just flipping from one thing to another at a really immense rate. He's in high school now and apparently only just started taking ritalin and he says he's much happier for it. The other who had ADHD, was apparently stoned all the time but seemed relatively normal. Little did I know he was using it to self medicate and when he wasn't stoned he was absolutely hyperactive through the roof. In my experience it's not a punishment of masculine behaviour, these kids were actually suffering and you could see something was wrong when compared to their male friends/family

    • Anonymous

      @lilaqua Hmm, ok.

    • fjh80

      I wouldn't call it a disease. More like a character trait.
      A. D. D. for example... years ago it might have simply been called being "lazy". I relate to this post especially because I'm have A. D. D. (not to be confuse with A. D. H. D.)

      We live in a time, where we give every simple character traits names, and then attach a stigma.
      That's not cool.

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  • Anonymous
    some things aren't just beauty standards but rather things that truly do make you look better and more attractive. im not saying girls have to give in into the pressure but it doesn't help that some standards out there actually make you more attractive.
    • That's because you can measure beauty, and it is in fact objective, it's not in the eye of the beholder. It's like saying there are more than 2 genders because out there are some anomalies with mutated genitalia.
      If you line up 10 men in a room, you can predict which of them will score more favorably with women based on their looks alone. That's scientifically proven.

    • Anonymous

      @ararune555 yep. i agree that its somewhat measurable to a certain point. symmetry , good bone structure , average features , healthy skin , hair , nails etc all those things help make someone much more attractive.

    • So true!

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  • Anonymous
    I think woman have problems because we all dont fit into what society says is beautiful
    • Jayjoy

      so you follow what society says? oh jeez

    • No, your problem is listening to this sort of bullshit. Anywhere you go around the world, the ideals of beauty are the same, the only variable is what is available.
      Japanese people are short, Japanese women still nonetheless prefer western, tall white men.

    • fjh80

      That's the problem. So many girls are trying to fit into those standards. Y'all gotta stop that! lol

      Also, it's not necessarily societies beauty standards. One could make the case that it's media's beauty standards. Remember, you see these images in media, and media is always trying to sell you something.
      To sell you something, they need you to look.
      To get you to look, they offer you something "attractive". Over time, they emphasized attractive features more and more. Photoshop!

      Look at older ads. Models looked more reasonable the further back you go.
      Accept for a certain period, when models got too skinny, and started starving themselves to death. Society said, "settle down, you're getting to carried away!". Then they settled down, but only enough so that models stopped starving themselves to death. (or at least less of them did)