I want to start off by saying that the goal of this article is to make women question their preconceived notions regarding their opinions on male behavior when it pertains to relationships and stereotypes.
In my mind, the relationship between me and my ex-girlfriend was like this.
This GIF is how I will always imagine my relationship with her.
I grew up in a hyper masculine culture where men weren't suppose to show emotions. It has been very hard for me to express my emotions because of that culture. My last serious relationship ended two years ago. I dated my ex girlfriend for five years and I never took the time to reflect on how that relationship made me feel until now, after my turbulent emotions subsided.
I used to think that women were overly emotional and I guess I thought that because I myself didn't show emotion at all really until now. After I broke up with my ex girlfriend, I entered a period in my life where I was very angry ALL OF THE TIME.
I remember driving in my car in regular morning traffic which was lighter than usual and feeling so angry that my heart started pounding out of my chest for no reason and I remember asking myself, ''why am I so angry?'' I never truly realized that it was because I missed my girlfriend and that I was angry at how the relationship ended. What made me even angrier was that I couldn't tell my male friends because they found the topic awkward to discuss since they don't talk about their emotions either.
My female friends were willing to talk to me about it but they judged me as a guy that was weak because men are expected to be strong and move on. I felt like I was in a prison cell. Eventually, everything bottled up to the point where the littlest thing would set me off. If someone interrupted me I would curse them out and call them a fucking stupid son of a bitch.
The relationship with my last girlfriend got to the point where her and I could talk about anything, her periods, her dreams, her secrets, her sexual preferences, etc. Our relationship got to the point where I could read her body language and tell that she was angry, happy, or sad. I could read all of her emotions effortlessly.
Her emotions became my emotions because of mutuality. She began to subconsciously mimic my mannerisms. Just as equally, as I began to subconsciously mimic her mannerisms. Both her and I were responsive to each other's needs. We saw each other five times per week and spent hours talking and texting and neither of us thought that the other was being clingy. It became normal to spend time and talk to each other so much because we were both responsive to each other's needs.
When she would cry, I would sit there with her and hold her for no reason and say nothing because I knew that sometimes she would cry for no reason. When she would want to talk about how she felt about work or anything in general, I wouldn't give her advice. I would listen to her and ask questions because I was genuinely interested in what she wanted to say.
Our sex life wasn't treated as a goal to be achieved. It was treated as a relational thing. There would be times when I didn't orgasm and there would be times when she didn't orgasm. Then there would be times when we both orgasmed. Sex wasn't treated seriously. It was treated as if it was something extra, something fun we could do together.
So when that relationship ended, I felt like I lost a piece of myself because our relationship had mutuality, responsiveness, trust, and knowledge (because of how well we knew each other). I truly felt like she was my other half.
What I'm so tired of is society attempting to tell met that I should only want sex and women telling men, and by extension myself, that men only want sex and don't want a relationship because of their biases and assumptions. Many women are told by society that men only want sex and are predatorial and as a result, whenever I attempt to talk to a woman about my true deeply held feelings about my past relationships those women think I am lying or less masculine because guys shouldn't discuss their emotions. I refuse to live my life in a mental prison.
I had to get this out somehow so I wrote this on GAG in hopes that my story will bring ease to another man out there having trouble dealing with his relationship ending and society attempting to influence him using stereotypes of what he should behave like.
I am so tired of women attempting to tell me who I am. I hope this article broadens your perspective regarding your perceptions of what men want and your preconceived notions regarding what masculinity is.