How many genders are there? A question that people answer based on what question they think is meaningful.

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A user here asked the question "How many genders do you think there are?". This is a question on which I think almost everyone agrees. No, not because 'everyone thinks two'. But because there are three definitions of 'gender', and once you specify which one you mean, almost everyone would have the same answer. This is actually an issue of semantics.

Meaning 1: Gender as a synonym for sex

The most traditional meaning of gender is as a word meaning 'sex' (as in male or female, not as in what males and females and sometimes other combinations do with their genitals).

How many genders are there using this definition? For humans there are twoish. I say twoish, because the physically intersex do exist, but it's also fair to consider those a variety of syndromes that are 'abnormal'. I'm doubtful anyone really disagrees with this.

Meaning 2: Gender as a cultural class

Starting with (I think) second wave feminists, there was an increased demand for a way to distinguish between biological differences between men and women, and those that were culturally taught and enforced. They conceptually separated the physical aspects into 'sex' and used 'gender' to refer to aspects that were culturally taught and reinforced by how an individual was treated. This is a useful model, whatever the extent to which one agrees with feminists of various types as to what is gender and what is sex, or what should be done about it. Simple examples: it's fairly obvious that men and women grow hair on their heads in youth to the same extent, and it's purely a societal influence that teaches us that long hair is feminine. On the other hand, men do appear to be more aggressive than women due to testosterone. It's almost certainly true that boys growing up are also taught to be more aggressive than girls are. We can argue about to what extent differences in violent behavior are biological versus culturally enforced. It's an interesting argument. What's worth noting here is simply that its a reasonable argument to have, hence the idea of 'gender' and 'sex' as separate in this definition is a useful tool, even if you believe that in 90% of cases, differences are strongly rooted in biological sex.

How many genders are there in this model? For adults in the modern world: two. Note that in this model it's not about how you feel, it's about how you are classed, raised and what expectations fall on you and are taught to you by society. It's important to note that some other cultures have had more than two genders, using this definition of the word. 'Two-spirit' native Americans who performed a shamanistic role did indeed have different expectations of where they'd sit in terms of masculinity and femininity. Historically, European eunuchs were often treated as a distinct gender (and may not all have actually been castrated, so it was not purely a physical change. they were not simply treated as 'modified men' but as a distinct group'). So some cultures have had a third (or fourth) adult gender, but our culture does not.

Meaning 3: Gender as an internal sense of self

A third and completely different meaning of gender has become most common and comes from the trans community and its allies. This view of 'gender' is essentially 'how you feel inside'. Honestly, the theoretical underpinning on this one is likely the weakest, because it becomes complicated to define what exactly 'it' is that you're feeling. I will accept that this definition has meaning, even if you think it describes something that doesn't exist. The CONCEPT describes something that though somewhat vague, we can discuss. I feel like if I woke up tomorrow and had a vagina and ovaries, it would feel 'wrong'. I believe I'd still feel like I was a man. Or put another way - if my consciousness were attached to a robot, I'd still think of myself as male. Now perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm simply describing decades of being classes as male (using the second model). But it's a concept we can discuss, so this new definition has meaning, even if what it describes doesn't exist, we can imagine it and talk about it. Put another way: even if you think it's a concept that doesn't describe reality, it's still a useful enough word. The confusion of course is that it's the same word that means something else in other models.

'How many genders do I think there are' using this model? Billions, or two-ish, depending on your viewpoint. On the one hand, every person's internal experience is unique. On the other hand, the vast majority of people broadly feel 'male' or 'female'. Quite a few of those who say they are non-binary don't seem all that non-binary to me. Rather (and this is a complaint of some second wave type feminists), they seem to be taking an EXTREMELY narrow view of gender roles, and then saying they don't fit in them. In other cultures that have a third gender, I imagine some people 'feel' that gender. So there's likely some interplay between feelings and genders present in a culture. That said, there are some people who seem truly non binary. The artist formerly known as Genesis P-oridge and his (or maybe some other word) wife decided to become one collective entity and got surgery to increasingly resemble each other while using some shared pronoun. You may well think this is completely insane, but in any case, I'm willing to say 'ok, that does seem pretty gender non binary' in terms of internal state. But that's pretty rare indeed!

How many genders are there? A question that people answer based on what question they think is meaningful.

So how do people answer the question 'How many genders are there?'

It's possible that to some extent, people are unaware or haven't really noticed that there are multiple meanings of gender. I think that's sort of true. But I also think it's likely people seize upon the definition of gender that they think is most meaningful, while ignoring the rest. People who think biological differences drive all male-female differences will tend to seize on that definition. People who think that the way we are raised is most important will tend to dismiss 'internal feeling' AND biological sex and focus on the second definition, and answer the question that way. People who think that how we feel is important will tend to answer the question based on that definition.

And it's absolutely reasonable to hold views on which of these models best describes a given situation or experience. But it doesn't mean the definitions in the other models aren't reasonable words. Even in saying 'I don't think your internal feelings as a state are very important' is recognizing that 'internal feeling state' is something that can be described and its importance discussed (in your case perhaps assigning it a low importance).

What is useful, however, is not fall into arguments with people who are answering a different question.

How many genders are there? A question that people answer based on what question they think is meaningful.
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